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Tuesday, February 28, 2006


Go play Esther's me-inspired game. Not that I'm the one who's not in MENSA.

In fact: "Your score was 23 out of 30. That is a very good score, you would have a good chance of passing the Mensa test. "

So's your face, Ms. Donovan. It's been 15 years and I still know how to apply the pythagorean theorem.

Who doesn't belong in advanced Calculus 200, now?




You just know, the Court only granted cert cause the male Justices wanted to see her boobs.


Fox News did a poll, a few weeks ago, about whether 24 could survive if Jack were killed off. I think last night's episode definitively answers that question in the negative.

There was very little Jack -- until the end-- and so Dawn had very little interest -- until the end.

My favorite part was when Jack goes "how could I be so stupid?!" because I too was thinking the very same thing and was on the verge of losing some respect for our intrepid hero -- but his own self-awareness saves his place in my pantheon of great TV action heroes.

Looks like cougar girl is back next week. I'll be sure to have my antacids on hand.

Monday, February 27, 2006


This one from Peter in Manhattan:

Dawn, are you one of these fans:

Nine fans of Americal Idol star Clay Aiken are considering launching a class action lawsuit against the singer and his record company bosses following tabloid allegations he's gay. The unnamed fans were shocked by recent unconfirmed claims from a retired soldier that he enjoyed a gay romp with the singer in a hotel room.

No, Peter. Actually, I am one of these other fans:

The fans are taking great care to protect their identities because they're already received serious threats from other Aiken fans.

One of the distressed fans, who is leading the class action charge, says, "Because of the threats that have risen out of this, we are being very careful with what information we reveal, as we settle everything and first make arrangements for the safety of ourselves and our families."

And if I meet up with any of the other "fans," they'd best be wearing running shoes.

Thanks for your question.

Well, that's it for today's mailbag. If you have a question you'd like Dawn to answer, please click this link and get me something good, cause I'm done answering questions for free.


Oh my gosh! How crazy was that when Jack bursts into the guy's office and gets tasered!! Who knew? I totally thought Jack Bauer ran on electricity; taser him and TWO Jack Bauers take his place.

OK, I keed, I keed.

But really, you know who's not in MENSA? The guy that picked this timeslot for Apprentice Season 5.

Hmm...24 and Apprentice are both in their fifth seasons...that probably means something.


So we've got another fine crop of lawyers and business school graduates. I suppose I should be rooting for the Columbia Law grad or the fat guy or the black chick.

We'll decide soon.

I will say that both my future husbands appear to be competing on the show this Season.

The second one, of course, to come after a tragic fishing accident takes my first husband's life oh so unexpectedly and an appropriate mourning period.

We'll also decide which is which after in a few weeks.

But hint: Orlando Bloom totally in the running.


Growing up, my mother, in the spirit of "I brought you into this world and I can take you out," often threatened me with swift and violent death if x, y, or z should occur.
When I was old enough to think of such a retort, I'd respond "but then you will go to prison for life."
Without missing a beat, she'd reply: "it'll be worth it."
So when I read the news that Andrea Yates rejected a 35-year plea deal, I can't help but be mildly annoyed.
No, I don't think she should get death or life in prison or anything -- but I'd think that the opportunity to spare herself (and the good news reading public) another trial, coupled with the chance to honor her dead kids by admitting she killed them, would be welcome.

I mean, if any sliver of sanity has returned to her, how could she even want to walk free after drowning her own kids one by one by one by one by one?

7 years a kid seems fair -- it's not like she's got much else going on.


Why does it take the words "you have until 5 p.m." to get me to do that which I so clearly could have done in three hours at any point during the last two and a half weeks I had the assignment?


Pop star George Michael has said his arrest for suspected drug possession was "my own stupid fault, as usual."

Just sayin'.

Hillary to Karl

Stop sweating me.


Pitting the Apprentice against 24.


What next? Hope & Faith versus American Idol?

Sunday, February 26, 2006


Don Knotts dead at 81.

Who or what is a Barney Fife?

Friday, February 24, 2006


Who was I kidding?

I knew where I would end up living. You knew where I would end up living. The American people knew where I would end up living.

However, will be planning for my extended vacation in Jersey City...hope the dates don't conflict with Other1's.

Thursday, February 23, 2006


Even before I bought an apartment...or knew people who bought apartments, I'd been aware of the general maxim that contractors sucked.
Something about shiftiness, skimping on materials, and overcharging when all was said and done. Suze Orman always cautions that when getting a contractor's estimate, double it in your head and that's the minimum it'll end up costing you.
Later, Karol would teach me another general maxim: never trust Russians.
So, needless to say, as I find myself on the eve of moving into my new apartment, with no stove, no refrigerator, no microwave and gutted cabinets -- all courtesy of my Russian contractor, really, I have no one to blame but myself.
A month and a half ago, when I hired him to repaint my living room and renovate my kitchen (partly due to all the praise singing Ari was doing about renovating her kicthen...well, and the fact that my stove was built only shortly after the gas stove was invented), I did so with only two conditions.
1. He had to be able to give the Co-op management company a certificate of insurance and
2. He had to be done before I moved in at the end of February.

With respect to the first, he assured me it wouldn't be a problem. It was, after all, a week before Martin Luther King Day...February was a world away. With the respect to the second, and now, this is probably my legal training kicking in, he said "Oh, I can get a certificate of insurance for them." Whether he actually has a certificate of insurance, I don't know -- but the condition was that he get one for the managing company and he said he could do that.
That very weekend I picked out everything for the kitchen, put down a thousand dollars for my new countertop and was on my way. A week later he came by to drop off paint samples for the living room.
Two weeks later I gave him the measurements for all the new appliances I bought in Sears, that he assured me he would install, adding another ten grand to the new kitchen total, before any work has even started.
Then, nothing.
He didn't answer my calls or return calls or make calls.
Finally, last week, as panic started to set in, I put his number on redial at work. Presumably because he didn't recognize the number, he picked up on the first ring.
"Dude. What's the deal. I am moving a week and NOTHING has gotten done."
"You didn't pick out a paint yet."
Mmmm...ok...that was true...but what that has to do with the kitchen...
"OK. I'll pick out a color tomorrow. When will you start?"
"Hold on. Dawn, let me call you back."
"Uh-ok, but...hello? hello?"
Two more days go by.
Now, it's Friday. I move in exactly a week.
I call now from my mom's cell -- new number.
"Oh, sorry. Yes, I know I was supposed to call you back. I was finishing a job, but now it's done. I will come by your place and start on Monday."
Monday I call him at 9 to confirm. No answer.
10. No answer.
11, I borrow the painter's cell.
"Where are you?"
"Oh...I'll be there in a few."
Mmm..evidently, he meant a few freaking days.
I call him again.
"Oh...I'm coming across the bridge, I'll be there at six."
At 6:30 he finally shows up.
He assures me that despite his not starting on Monday, that everything will be done before Friday.
The phrase lickety split might even have been used.
I confirm once again that he has sent the insurance certificate to the managing company because the super seemed to indicate that he knew nothing about any kitchen remodeling.
"Yes. Long ago. Like two weeks ago. All set."
"Ok, can you fax me a copy for my records, cause they're saying they didn't get anything from you."
"Yes. No problem. Tomorrow."
Ok. I was was calm. Will yell at the super tomorrow.
Well, lo and behold, a few hours after I yell at the super for losing the insurance certificate that was faxed loooong ago, the contractor calls to say "funny story...the telephone company disconnected his fax line and turns out he didn't fax anything. BUT he was faxing it right away."
Of course, that meant that he couldn't work on Tuesday.
"But don't worry, it goes very fast."
I called him on Wednesday -- from a closet phone in my building's basement -- as I have now exhausted every other phone between Brooklyn and the Upper East Side trying to trick him into answering.
"Have you started working, yet?"
"Well, no...but my guys will be there tomorrow."
"Don't worry. We'll be there first thing in the morning at nine."
"Umm..you can't work in the building until 10. Did you fax that certificate?"
"Yeah, yeah...no problem. I sent it."
"Well, I never got a copy. Fax me the copy."
"Oh, ok. What's your number? I'll send it."
And then it was Thursday.
My mom took the day off, to accept some deliveries at the apartment -- so imagine her surprise when she arrived at 12:45 p.m. to find everything just as it was on President's Day -- MONDAY -- when we left and gave the contractor the key.
In fact, he didn't show up until 1 p.m., when he came by with ONE guy, who, incidentally spoke no English, and then disappeared again.
The non-English speaking guy proceeded to take the cabinets apart, remove the microwave and refrigerator and disconnect the stove.
All the while smoking "like a chimney," such that my whole apartment evidently reeks of Marlboro ---which, of course, as the girl that's allergic to air, I am totally psyched to hear.
And wouldn't you know, after ripping my kitchen apartment apart, he left somehwhere around 3 p.m.
So, there you have it. I will be living, sans working appliances, in an apartment with smoking workers for the next -- what? ten, twelve years of my life?
And I have no one to blame but myself.
or Ari.
Yes! Ari.
And, of course, Karol.
Hope you have the good guest sheets ready, cause I'll be sleeping on your couch and using your kitchen until my apartment is finished.

24 Blogging

For reasons having everything to do with moving out of my apartment, trying to move in to another apartment, get it renovated AND a full-time job playing poker and practicing the law, I didn't get to see 24 until last night...no, the night before...ah, time flies when you're being crushed to death.

I loved how Curtis somehow thought taking Jack's gun was going to make any bit of difference in the "taking him into custody." Either Jack's going with you, or he's not.

In this case: not.


It was also a prime example of Annika's truism that a "hostile with key information is a hostile down." I was surprised that they killed off that guy so quickly after introducing him...that has to be a record of some kind.

We have yet another CTU operative "taken to holding" --- security is soo taxed this Season.

What's the over/under on the Hobbitt's sister being killed in the next hour?




Why this story wasn't titled "Leno slings Mud At Doctor's Family," I'll never know.

The "Tonight Show" host said that for years, newsman Roger Mudd worked to clear his grandfather's name. But it really was Thomas Mudd's father, the late Dr. Richard D. Mudd of Saginaw, who spent years seeking exoneration. Roger Mudd is a distant relative.

Dr. Samuel Mudd of Maryland set assassin John Wilkes Booth's broken leg after the shooting. Mudd was convicted of complicity and was imprisoned for nearly four years before being pardoned by President Andrew Johnson. But the government never completely cleared the doctor.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006


Married with a young son, Tran said he first learned they won Saturday around 10:30 p.m., and he immediately called up his colleagues but got through to no one.

"Everybody was sleeping," he said.

He said he plans to stop working and spend time with his wife and son.

Any plans to return to Vietnam?

"I want to stay here," he said.

I won the lottery last week too, but it was only enough to buy my tickets for this week.



The retired doctor, Max Wells, kept coming back, the lawsuit says — and kept losing money. By the fall of 2005, Wells had lost $7 million, the lawsuit says. By January, another $7 million.

Now Wells is suing the casinos and a major drug company, claiming that the prescription drugs he was taking for Parkinson's disease set off a compulsive gambling spree.

Wells, 55, wants his money back.
(Emphasis mine)

I'm thinking of a Russian phrase...

My favorite part of the article though is:

His lawsuit, filed Friday, says the drug company didn't warn patients that Requip could cause compulsive behavior. And it cites a 2005 Mayo Clinic study that documented 11 Parkinson's patients who developed compulsive gambling habits while taking Requip or a similar drug called Mirapex.

Then a few paragraphs later: The lawsuit says the casinos should have been aware of the Mayo study, which Thomas said was heavily publicized in Las Vegas last summer.

"I didn't know, but the casinos did!"



You scored as Justice (Fairness). Your life is guided by the concept of Fair Justice: Everyone, yourself included, should be rewarded and punished according to the help or harm they cause.

"He who does not punish evil commands it to be done."

--Leonardo da Vinci

?Though force can protect in emergency, only justice, fairness, consideration and cooperation can finally lead men to the dawn of eternal peace.?

--Dwight D. Eisenhower

More info at Arocoun's Wikipedia User Page...

Justice (Fairness)








Strong Egoism


Divine Command








What philosophy do you follow? (v1.03)
created with QuizFarm.com

via Gib, who incidentally is also a Justice lovin' lawyer


"Between your daughter, with her one-word statements, your letter writing and, most importantly, your totally unconvincing demeanor, it never had a chance -- much as your daytime show is not exactly setting records," he wrote.
Then he really told her what he thought.
"Essentially, you made this firing up just as you made up your sell order of ImClone," said Trump, who claimed NBC did not intend to fire him on Stewart's show.

So's. Her. Face.


I'm guessing the Dukes of Hazzard money came in during the last week of November or the first week of December.

He said they separated December 13, although she claims it was November 23.

Lachey, who gained fame as a member of the boy band 98 Degrees, had more earning power when the couple wed in October 2002. However, Simpson's fame skyrocketed during the marriage. The 25-year-old singer-actress reportedly earned more than $30 million last year, including earnings from her big-screen debut playing Daisy Duke in "The Dukes of Hazzard" movie.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006


But what's unique about the case at St. Rose of Lima is that an anti-abortion group has sided with McCusker, claiming that the Catholic school was essentially encouraging abortion.



Yep, from now on, whenever I lose a hand I'm going to say to myself 'well, at least I really had cards.'

hahahahahahahahahahhaha. Classic.

Suddenly getting the daemon-mailer bounce doesn't seem so bad

After it's over.



OK. I'm a racist.
I'm still not watching the Olympics, but after hearing about that craaaazy interview following the Shani Davis victory in speed skating (sample dialogue: Question: blah blah blah blah blah blah? Davis: Yes. Question: blah blah blah blah blah blah blah and blah? Davis: No. Question: Are you angry?) I was intriqued.

Apparently, Shani and his requisite single mom had lots of problems finding places for him to skate in his requisite ghetto in Chicago (the particular city is variable). Even as he began to excel and compete in the sport, they weren't able to get any of the traditional American speed skating people to take on the young black kid and traditional black organizations that support black kids didn't want to fund him for competing in a "white sport." Ultimately, they ended up in Canada where he trained and ultimately won his spot on the American speed skating team.
Evidently, the Americans on the team weren't happy that this rando Canadian trained newbie had taken over the spot from whoever else tried out (I'm not racist, some of my best friends are black people...but...he...um...was trained in Canada) and fireworks ensued.
He ended up telling them he wouldn't be skating in any team races, and hanging with athletes from other countries in the village. The media focussed on this other guy on the speed skating squad to come away with all the medals -- going so far as to ask Shani in a pre-race interview if it bothers him that people forget there's another American in the race.
Sooo...after he won, needless to say, he wasn't all Mary Lou Retton squeals and bubbles.
He stonefacededly answered the reporter's questions, somberly took his medal on behalf of the U.S. and went about his merry way promising to kick his teammates' asses in every other race he had with them.
As Brian on Family Guy would say "Awk-ward."
I'm always conflicted when I hear stories like this.
Part of me is all about the "So's face"ing anyone who questions whether you belong by excelling and refusing to help them in any way; the other part of me, says if you don't eat shit every now and then, you'll never get the endorsement deals that makes winning gold medals lucrative (Read: Carl "to hell with you, I'm the fastest man in the world" Lewis.)
Of course...it sucks to high heaven that if he was any other one of his teammates, winning a spot on the team and then winning gold would have been enough for adoration and support...
So I dunno...ye old Dubois/Washington X/King divide rears its ugly head again...although, in the end, I would choose the money...and then use the money to build the doomsday device...
Ok...NOW...we return to our previously scheduled Olympic black out.

...with more speech

Counter-protestors shield families of the military dead for homophobe Fred Phelps.

Phelps believes American deaths in Iraq are divine punishment for a country that he says harbors homosexuals. His protesters carry signs thanking God for so-called IEDs -- explosives that are a major killer of soldiers in Iraq.

The bikers shield the families of dead soldiers from the protesters, and overshadow the jeers with patriotic chants and a sea of red, white and blue flags.

It's better than my "no, you're gay" retort anyways.

Saturday, February 18, 2006

Conversation of the Day

Alceste: Why were you waiting outside?
Me: I dunno. When I didn't see you, I thought you went to the car and were going to bring it around so I didn't have to walk in the cold.
Alceste: You must think you're a different Dawn than you are.


I'm alone for most of the trip through Brooklyn.
There was young couple when I got on, but they got off at the next stop.
Coincidence, I'm sure.
It gets exciting at Fourth avenue.
An entire New York Transit maintainence crew gets on.
Nine of the burliest men you ever did see carrying warning signals, flashlights and a broom. Their hardhats are blue.
There are three other passengers - another couple and a young latino man in a Nike baseball cap.
He starts dialing his cellphone, and I realize we've emerged from the subterrean underworld into the cool starry night.
And yes, it's New York, but I can see the sky and its one million freckles.
'Georgia on my mind' vibrates in my earphones, for a moment I imagine Ray Charles, but then I realize the face I'm picturing is Jamie Foxx.
Oh well.
The dangers of a biopic. Diet coke should use him in new commercials.
My first F-train panhandler!
He's a filthy middle aged white man. He walks toward me from the other end of the car. I do not make eye contact.
We're speeding toward Manhattan.
Eight people...well, seven, now that the homeless man has moved on.
Every race imaginable is represented...we're a Benetton ad...for like Benetton's value priced clothing.
The F-train's Manhattan is completely foreign.
Down here, Broadway is the eastside and apparently there's a Z train now.
And I've discovered there already is a second avenue subway line.
So, what did I authorize a billion dollar MTA bond for?
My car fills up very quickly at Broadway-lafayette.
Hipsterville, USA.
How many white guys with canvas saddle bags strapped across their chest could possibly be in the world, much less in my one car?
I wonder if they ran into each other at the clever pin store? Because they've all got lots and lots of clever pins.
West fourth!
Familiar territory.
I contemplate hopping out and walking down to Magnolia for a cupcake. But I determine to finish my maiden voyage...a post depends on it.
I valiently join the ranks of the great artists who suffer for their art: Plath, Van Gogh, Joplin, Summers.
The numbers ascend in predictable fashion: 14, 23-- but the subway tiles are antique relics from a long-gone era of mosaics.
The F navigates that middle road between the extreme East and West of the Number 2 and 4 trains.
The independent line, precariously rattling up the center of Manhattan Island.
I'm squarely in Midtown now, if I were going to work, I'd get off at the next stop. But I've already been to work today.
No, I'm going higher: to the very last stop in Manhattan before the train leaves the country...I mean goes to Queens.
I go on, ready to start my last week in Whiteyville.
My last week of paying rent, climbing four flights of stairs and popping over to Karol's to borrow cups of sugar.
Soon, it'll be mortgage payments, wishing my doorman a good evening, and watching the sun rise from my East-facing balcony.
But that will be then, now, the F-train pulls into the station and I step out into my present knowing that it will be the F-train that takes me back to the future.

Friday, February 17, 2006

For all the lawyers out there Part II

Sometimes I wish "Are you out of your ever-loving mind? Would you like me to also deliver a treasure chest filled with gold coins and pearls to your offices by noon on Friday?" was a valid response to plaintiffs' document requests under the federal rules.

For the lawyers out there...

How do Alabama residents suing a Dutch citizen over acts that happened in Aruba end up in a Manhattan court?


If you ever find yourself at a job interview, try your darndest not to open with the words "they have embryos and fetuses at all stages on display; like one where this woman died during her pregnancy and you can open up her stomach and see the fetus inside."

I mean, unless, maybe it's for a medical/research type job; but, if it's for a law firm job, something has gone horribly, horribly wrong and will never be right again.

Oh, and "because medical school is too hard," is not the right answer to the "why did you go to law school question."


From my college roommate:

I did a few alumni interviews this week...these kids were in third grade when we graduated..one guy actually said "Whoa that's old!" when I told him that I met you girls over 10 years ago. Needless to say, he did NOT get a good report :).

So's his face. And if I ever meet him, I'm setting him on fire.


Crash sucks. I've said it before. I'll say it again. It's a horrible movie and should be shot in the face. And the neck.

If it wins Best Picture, I'm going on a four-state shooting spree. And I ain't using a quail gun.

Ken funny.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Entwistle pleads not guilty to killing wife, baby...

says they went hunting with the Vice-President and Cheney shot them.


I missed Lost last night and didn't even remember until visiting BOM.



"Finally, tonight, the Winter Games. Count me among those who don’t care about them and won’t watch them ... Because they’re so trying ... Like, try not to be incredulous when someone attempts to link these games to those of the ancient Greeks who never heard of skating or skiing. So try not to laugh when someone says these are the world’s greatest athletes, despite a paucity of blacks that makes the Winter Games look like a GOP convention. Try not to point out that something’s not really a sport if a pseudo-athlete waits in what’s called a kiss-and-cry area, while some panel of subjective judges decides who won ... So if only to hasten the arrival of the day they’re done, when we can move on to March Madness — for God’s sake, let the games begin."

And I usually really hate Gumbel...Bryant...not Greg. Greg's ok.

NO! Their Vice President Will NOT be the Only One Making News

I need to borrow Iocaste's Facepalm pic.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006


Ok, I'm boycotting the Olympics.
There's really no philosophical reason behind my Olympic black out. Generally, I just find the winter Olympics boring -- basically catering to obscure things that really, really rich people do to pass the winter months; globally, I've been pissed ever since the Olympic format changed to intrude upon my television schedule every two years instead of one quadrennial hit.
Plus, once the USSR packed up shop, there's just no real rivalry anymore.
So there you have it. No Olympics for me...but not in some steadfast no "blood diamonds" kind of way...well, especially since I am not at all boycotting blood diamonds...mmm...diamonds shiny; blood washes off...but in that "so long as it's easy" kinda way.
And so far it has been.
I just skip NBC, don't read sports pages and never click links with the words: medal, Torino, or Kwan in them.
Thus, it was that Drudge tricked me with his relatively mundane "Canada and USA locked in bitter war of words."I immediately thought it was going to be a story about the two conservtive governments locking horns.
But no.
It's about the U.S. Women's team criticizing Canada's team for "scoring too many points."
"I'm upset that Canada has been running up the score, especially against the host nation," Ruggiero told Sports Illustrated.

"There was no need for that. They're trying to pad their stats. Canada is running up the score for whatever reasons - personal, short-term."

Waaaa....Man up, girl and stop embarrassing American women.
Ok, we now return to our regularly scheduled Olympic black out.


Cheney shoots a 78-year-old man in the face and calls the incident one of the worst days of his life.


So, I filed my 2005 taxes this morning. Fingers crossed, I should be getting a refund in a couple of weeks.

I did end up landing in the AMT zone, but my effective tax rate was still only 22.8% -- only one percent higher than it was last year when I was in the regular minimum tax zone. I just don't get it. First, how is it possible than I supposedly only pay 20 percent in taxes, but my bimonthly paychecks are always halved? Second, eh, the AMT wasn't so bad...why all the fuss?

Tuesday, February 14, 2006


So's his face.


What is going on? Are the writers on something? Rehab and quick.

Ok, I was all cryptic girl last night because I didn't wanna ruin anything for the west coasters. But now all true fans have had adequate oppportunity to watch the show live or view a Tivo'd version, so all bets are off.

This whole season has been slightly disjointed and I don't just mean because the Gilmore Girls were separated for the first half -- personally, I thought it was an interesting storyline with great possibilities. But of course, like much this season they screwed the pooch. Just because Rory wasn't talking to her mother doesn't mean she stops being a girl who likes books and learning -- the whole D.A.R. Rory wearing the 1920s revelee costume just didn't ring true. And now this...this...Luke bot that they have replaced Luke with is just unbearable.

This man built Lorilei a hoopa for her wedding to another man he's not gonna think to give her a gift for Valentine's day???? He's gonna postpone their wedding? ARE YOU CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZY?

Plus, this whole shutting Lorilei out to be with daughter retardness HAS GOT TO STOP. He didn't shut Lorilei out when Jess came to stay with him and he was all eager to be part of her life with Rory, why would he want to be a single parent now. Make. No. Sense. It's "oooh...ummm...here's some drama for no good reason." Why not have Sookie decide she's quitting the Inn to go back to college.


It's sooo frustrating. Particularly since the scenarios in and of themselves are was ripe for the drama while staying true to the characters we have come to know and love. I.e. make it so that April doesn't like Lorilei or her mom tries to get Luke back -- something other than a previously utterly devoted guy suddenly becoming cold and distant to his one true love.


AND AND -- now they've got ME feeling sorry for LOGAN.



As for the professionals:

On "The Daily Show" last night, Jon Stewart, speaking as a "concerned parent," urged viewers never to let their children go on hunting trips with the vice president. "I can't emphasize this enough," Stewart said. "I don't care what kind of lucrative contracts they're trying to land, or energy regulation they're trying to get lifted. . . . He'll shoot them in the face."

Likewise, David Letterman's Top 10 list was devoted to "Dick Cheney's excuses," which included that he "thought the guy was trying to go gay cowboy on me."

Oh, we're all so glad that guy didn't die, aren't we?


Protesters burn an effigy of President Bush in Peshawar.

*That's* supposed to be Bush?


W doesn't have a blue face or wear a red cardigan. Where's the cowboy hat or even a sign pinned to his chest that says "Bush?"

Come on.


For instance, I can no longer watch, on a TiVo enabled television, a commercial. I will press fast forward until blood starts to pool under the nail of my button pressing finger, so spoiled have I become. Also, if I change the channel and find myself in the middle of a show that I would have liked to have seen the beginning of I look to the heavens and bellow “TiVo, why have you forsaken me?”


Speaking of which, it looks like Rick's Cafe is back...


Overheard on the M66:

Young panic-striken guy: Excuse me ma'am...are you giving those to someone?
Woman holding a bouquet of roses: No, my husband gave them to me this morning.
YP-SG: Umm...well...see, my girlfriend just called to say she'd meet me at the subway, I was going to get her something later, but now...I...could I maybe buy them from you?
YP-SG(counting): I have 28 dollars and like seventy eight cents...
Woman: OK.
YP-SG: Thanks a lot.
Woman: Wait, I've got to take the card out.

Monday, February 13, 2006


Jack: President? I don't take orders from no stinkin' President.

Terrorist: Peekaboo, I see you.


But...um...how is it that in a room with six men, I lose the vote to watch 24 instead of figure skating?


Hi, I don't know if you remember me, we shook hands three years ago at a fundraiser. I was wearing a navy suit...no? Well, that's ok.

The reason I am writing is that it has come to my attention that a number of New Yorkers missed out on our record breaking snowfall this weekend. I know that it is important to you that you build a cohesive city based on shared experience.

But their absence now makes that impossible.

But all is not lost! After lots of thought, I have figured out a way to bring our great city together again.

Our sidewalks -- in particular every bus stop I had to use today -- is covered with feet and feet of packed snow. I believe if we get bulldozers or people with shovels and pick up trucks, we can move all this snow to the apartments of every New Yorker who was in California this weekend.

We fill their bedrooms, bathrooms, living rooms and hallways with all the leftover snow, so that when they return from their vacations -- they can vicariously experience our historic weekend.

I'm sure Homeland Security will be happy to provide you with names and addresses of all the expats --- but I can get you started.


Oohhh and the latter will be a one-stop hit!

I've got lots more great ideas, so feel free to comment or email.



P.S. Smoking ban rocks, my man!


That's what I did alllll weekend. (Well, right up until Sunday at 3:44 p.m. when I discovered a five email chain from the partners I work for deciding that I needed to do a project immediately. Of course, they were timestamped 2:32 p.m....so immediately took on a slightly less immediate definition. But hey, we just got a 20 grand raise, so I'm really in no position to complain.)
But my pre-3:44 nothingness was a welcome respite from my days of non-stop paint color picking, appliance buying, poker playing and parking space searching.
It's funny how you don't realize you need a break until you take one.
So, thank you snowy snow.

Sunday, February 12, 2006


Dick Cheney does.

Oh...did I say 'kill'? I mean wound.


And if anyone thinks I'm not blaming "F- "I'm going to LA in ten days, I hope it's really freezing here" Train, you're wrong.

Friday, February 10, 2006


When Harry Met Sally
Billy Madison
Boyz N the Hood
The Little Mermaid
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Strictly Ballroom
Four Weddings and a Funeral
Imitation of Life
Citizen Cain
Harold & Maude
Eve's Bayou
All About My Mother

Well, two of them won Oscars...and the rest were robbed.


Maurice Clarett goes from gridiron prospect to iron bars prospect.



No way.


Mr. Brown also called claims by top officials at the Department of Homeland Security that they weren't aware of levee breaches until the next day " just baloney."
Mr. Brown said that homeland security officials were being regularly updated by reports delivered through video conference calls, and that he personally contacted White House officials.
"My obligation was to the White House and to make sure the President knows what's going on," he said, "and I did that."


John Rowland released from prison.


Partners at big law firms are mean to associates.
That's just the way it is. It's one of those universal truths.
No sense in fighting it. (See, e.g., my guest blog about performance reviews at big law firms.)

There are basically three types of partners: the successful, the hungry, and the failing. Although their motivations differ, they are all mean in one way, shape, or form.
The successful partner has a book of busines that is way too large to manage, so she is stretched so thin she doesn't have time for family or work.
So she is mean.
The hungry partner doesn't yet have his book of business, and strives to get it. He is more concerned with self-promotion and client development then billable work. He needs associates willing to put in the non-billable time that does the associate no good. He can't get the support he needs.
So he is mean.
The failing partner does not have enough business and efforts to find more fail. He is hoping to hold on a while longer working on other partners' matters, and he is bitter about it. So he is mean.
See? I told you.
Partners are mean.
It's a rule.
But, there is one exception: when an associate leaves to go in-house or has the potential to go in-house down the line. Then it's all roses. The message is "forget we've been evil, and remember us in the future when you can hire us to be your lawyers."

Here are two examples to prove my point:

Example 1) Senior associate is told for years she isn't cutting it at the big law firm. She is told she can't write well, can't manage clients, doesn't have the skills, shouldn't take time off to be with her child after he is born, and that she shouldn't expect to be made partner. She gives notice to go in-house at a large commercial products company that the big law firm wants as a client. Suddenly everyone wants to have lunch with her, tell her how great she has been for the firm, and what a success she will be. And, somehow, they just manage to slip in "don't forget about us when you need outside counsel at the new gig."

Example 2) Mid-level associate who the partners apparently like decides to leave. He gives notice. The partners go from their usual--rushed and mean--to wonderfully nice with praise, offers of references, future professional development opportunities, and introductions to clients. He doesn't understand this. He's leaving and they haven't been all that nice during his tenure. One of his friends, who happens to be a partner in another department, says his resignation was discussed at the partners' meeting. The partners decided he would likely go in-house at a large potential client in the next five years.

I wonder if the partners think the snow job at the end of an employee's tenure actually works. Do they think that two weeks of changed behavior papers over years and years of meanness? Hey, a little spackle fixes holes in the drywall of their McMansions, so why not try the same thing with associates?

Thursday, February 09, 2006


“The guy saw me in almost a dozen settings, and joked with me about a bunch of things, including details of my kids. Perhaps he has forgotten everything, who knows,” Abramoff wrote in an e-mail to Kim Eisler, national editor for the Washingtonian magazine.

The saga continues


How to make a Dawn Summers

1 part jealousy

3 parts self-sufficiency

1 part ego
Stir together in a glass tumbler with a salted rim. Add caring to taste! Do not overindulge!


Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

via Karol


"Whoever...utilizes any device or software that can be used to originate telecommunications or other types of communications that are transmitted, in whole or in part, by the Internet... without disclosing his identity and with intent to annoy, abuse, threaten, or harass any person...who receives the communications...shall be fined under title 18 or imprisoned not more than two years, or both."

I think this must be the provision that Alan Shore was talking about in Tuesday's Boston Legal.

It leaves me with two options, 1) a permatag stressing that nothing posted here is intended to annoy, abuse, threaten or harass or 2) Legally change my name to Dawn Summers.

Polls now open for voting.


Would like to hand deliver a check just so I can say "and you can literally take THAT to the bank!"

Tries to coordinate thinking of a really good idea right before the elevator comes so that ding of the elevator's arrival also signals the ding of your good idea?


To the Right-To-Limbs Movement.


Did anyone see Tuesday's episode? Alan Shore says something like "Congress is passing a law to make political bloggers register with the government or face prosecution." Is this true? Where is Kelley getting that?

Boy, I wish there was a website that studies television shows and dissects the legal issues raised therein.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006


I hate working hard on non-payday weeks.


State Supreme Court Justice Renee White said the federal Department of Homeland Security will take custody of Turyk-Wawrynowicz after she finishes her sentence and then take whatever action that agency deems appropriate.

This would likely include deportation to Poland. An immigration official filed an affidavit with the court in December, saying Turyk-Wawrynowicz was not admissible as a resident because she had used fraud to remain in the United States.

Turyk-Wawrynowicz has been jailed for all but a couple of weeks since her arrest in June 2005.

My question...why aren't these famous employers under arrest for hiring an illegal alien?


Britney issued a statement saying, "I was terrified that this time the physically aggressive paparazzi would put both me and my baby in danger." She added, "I instinctively took measures to get my baby and me out of harm's way..."

Spears defends baby on lap.

Who handled the Jackson baby dangling affair?


Bush defends "it'll increase the deficit before decreasing the deficit" spending bill.

"There's a direct correlation between cutting taxes on the capital gains and dividends, and quality of life all across America," Bush said.

Stupid/Evil...I dunno, but boy is he funny.


I think we have a new Halloween mask best seller.


Soldier says he was billed for his body armor.

A former U.S. soldier injured in Iraq says he was forced to pay $700 for a blood-soaked Kevlar vest that was destroyed after medics removed it to treat shrapnel wounds to his right arm.

First Lt. William "Eddie" Rebrook IV, 25, of Charleston had to leave the Army because of his injuries. But before he could be discharged last week, he had to scrounge up cash from his buddies to pay for the body armor or face not being discharged for months all because a supply officer failed to document that the vest had been destroyed more than a year ago as a biohazard.


Republican Gov. Haley Barbour said Tuesday he will not run for president in 2008 because he is too busy with Hurricane Katrina's aftermath.

Instead, Barbour, 58, said he intends to seek a second term as governor in 2007.

"There's no way I could run for president and do what I've got to do as governor. And, obviously, being governor comes first," said the former GOP national chairman, responding to questions from The Associated Press.

One down, 217 to go.


Weeks ago I wondered how these ads made it onto the subway cars. Now, they're gone:

The ads, part of a Bahamas Ministry of Tourism campaign, "advocate behavior that is clearly unsafe" and will be replaced, said Jodi Senese, a spokeswoman for CBS Outdoor, the company that distributes advertising in New York's underground.
Under the heading "Instant Escape No. 2: How to Fly Fish with a Scarf and a Cell Phone," one ad seems to instruct riders to fish for trash on the tracks by putting something sticky on a cell phone and attaching it to a scarf.
Another sign in the series, "How to Turn a Subway Seat into a Hammock," shows a figure draped over several seats.


The whole mess looks to me like the Middle East's equivalent of the War on Christmas, i.e., a cynical mechanism to allow Muslim leaders to score political points, with an underlying motivation that has less to do with the cartoons per se than with a desire to assert Muslim power over Western institutions.

Read the whole thing.


There is something gratifyingly industrious about being up before the sun. It says "look world, the sun is the most important element for life on earth, yet I am up and working before it has risen. How much more important an element for life must I be?"

Stupid lazy sun.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006


Rory: You can't just kick me out like this.

Paris: Well, there's a hallway full of crap that says otherwise


Chris: So do you like [Rory's boyfriend]?
Lorilei: "For me, the jury's out on all you guys. You can thank Brad Pitt for that."


Wife sues brother-in-law and tabloid over picture of comatose miner.

The National Enquirer provided Matthew McCloy with a camera, paid him $800 and asked him to take the photo, the suit charges.

"At the time, (Randy McCloy) was connected to the various devices sustaining his life, unconscious, and unable to consent to having his photograph taken," the suit says.


Suck it, Libby Dole.


Back by No Demand!

3:55 P.M. Wow, "Instapundit," I've been away for just six months and it looks like their little two-person basement operation has blossomed into a full fledged stop along the blogosphere.

3:57 P.M. I tuned in way too early. Clareified was having technical difficulties hearing the streaming video, so we tuned in to try to fix it, but it turns out that...ummm...unclicking the "mute all" box takes a lot less time than I had allotted.

3:59 Stop sweating Maxine Waters, C.o.r.e.

4:00 This used to be the minute I'd get my weekly Dorian Davis IM. Now that he's a fancy law school applicant, he doesn't write anymore.

4:01 Dooo dooo dooo dooo

4:04 Wow, black women get so mad props when they die. Flags will be flying at half-staff in honor of Mrs. Coretta Scott King and Rosa got to lie in state...lay in state?

4:05 Ahhh...the music...I'm back, baby

4:05 what? Ace is in "Boston"? Is that real Boston? or some kind of metaphor for something?

4:06 Conservatives should get the kudos for the warm weather.

4:06 Ace "he's got a big chair."

4:07 Karol expects her listeners to believe that she's read Instapundit's book? Cause unless he managed to print the book on the inside of playing cards or the inside of her eyelids, she FO SHO hasn't seen it.

4:08 Karol feels better when she blogs. Ace: Once you begin blogging and put up your political thoughts, you feel no need to get into it with them.

4:08 "Yeah, because you know there's people like you out there, especially when you live in New York or Boston." Waaa...it's sooo hard being a Republican jew in New York. Waaa...have you heard about the gulags?!

4:10 Ace: Blogging not just for the shutins or the loons!

4:11 Where's myyyyy pluuuugg?

4:11 Ace: "Can I call you Glenn" Insta: "Sure call me whatever you want" Ace: "OK, sweetbottoms." Ace funny.

4:12 Insta: Hewitt's "Blog" pretty much covered the field. So he didn't want to write that book again.

4:13 "You'll have an interesting narrative and a story," It's how he does all his books. "Somebody comes to him and says I see this book you've already got and I go "you're right" (Can you guys come to me next? Pretty, pretty, pretty please? -ed.)

4:14 "econo-babble" (Eh...he coulda just said economics, i woulda heard "babble" -ed.)

4:15 We're seeing a change where one person at home on their computer is more efficient than working at the office with a lot of people on the computers (yeah...especially when you're live blogging a show instead of writing that pesky memo...not that I would know anything about that. -ed.)

4:16 Karol: what's the next big thing? Is blogging over? Insta: i don't feel like I have my pulse on the trend; but i am dull and very pedestrian, so whatever I do is the next big thing because everyon else is doing it."

4:16 Insta: "podcasts with his wife" just sounds diiiirty.

4:17 RIGHTTALK EXCLUSIVE!!! (I really need to get those Drudge alarm codes from Annika - ed) Insta: "We had never thought about it. We don't need CNN to have a show together, let's just do one!"

4:18 Ace: "Do you think the big corporations will be moved out to the suburbs where it's cheaper?" (Nice try Ace, just because you're out in Boston now, doesn't mean big corporations will be. -ed.)

4:19 Karol...Karol...hello? Karol? She's playing poker, Ace. Move on.

4:20 Blogging needs to have more original content [thanks yaron -ed.], not just linking and commenting (Whatchoo talking about Ace? -ed) Insta: "I think that you can be overly enthusiastic about citizen journalism."

4:21 On the other hand you look at michael young, he's supported by his readers (fairly well) and is making a living doing reporter. (hey, you, my readers, let's get with the supporting of me! -ed.)

4:21 hey karol's back! "is that like pajamas media?" insta: what you're seeing is stuff from iraq with stringers....it's supposed to be a structure where you can hang a lot of citizen journalism where it would work...it's like the ebay of citizen journalism. they do a lot better togetehr than they would if they were completely disaggregated."

4:22 Insta: "Ebay approach illustrates that when you have the right kind of big organization it makes it easier for people to be small."

4:23 Is Ace advocating collective health insurance? Ace: "No one has offered me dental yet."

4:24 I think this is the longest they've ever gone without a commercial. My fingers hurt. I'm out of practice with this. -ed.

4:24: Wow...is Karol reading my live blog?

4:27 "Traffic Santa" hahahahahahhaha...oh, I have been a good little blogger this year, I promise.

4:29 Heeeyy...it's John from Greenville! Oh...it's not "heee" it's heh!

4:29 Who are the funniest bloggers out there? Karol: "nobody feel bad for Ace of spades" You'd think that was the perfect place for her to add "but do feel bad for dawn summers at clareified." But no. -ed.

4:30 Evacuation by boat of manhattan didn't get enough attention. Insta: "a lot of people have a lot of skill and communication make sit easy for them to coordinate on the fly." Like flash mobs! -ed

4:31 Karol: blah blah blah "was it so overblown then that nobody cares anymore" Insta: technology comes in waves. I have to point out a couple of time sin the book, stuff we take for granted now is the stuff people were waving there hands about in the 90s."

4:32 Ace: people argue the reason that people an get retroactive warrants from fisa is because...something something impractical to say we listened for 90 seconds" do you fault bush for not making that clear and it makes him seem dishonest?
Insta: if that's what the program is, i don't think a warrant could apply to do because they require a level of specificity you can't get for data mining.

4:34 can you go to a judge and say our software has flagged these calls, can we get a warrant. Insta: i hate to opine on this cause i don't really know what's going on" (Ummm...dude, you're blogger...that's what we do -ed.)

4:35 Insta: "if bush thinks fisa is just an unconstitutional infringment on executive power and just chooses to ignore it, he wouldn't be the first President to do that." And then cites FDR. (Of course, I love how no one defends Bush with examples of other republicans doing stuff -- it's always Clinton or FDR..never well, reagan blah blah or it's like when Eisenhower doo doo doo. - ed.)

4:39 Karol: what do you think about the fact that liberals think you're conservative and conservatives think you're liberals.

Insta "I'm very far from social conservative; I don't have anything against gay marriage; I think polygamy is ok with me if you think you can make it work. "I really don't think of myself as conservative and I think it's funny when people call me one"

4:41 Just when I was about to say "this is right about when F-train would call, but since I changed jobs I haven't given him the number" my mom called...thus, the four minute gap! -ed)

Insta book: An army of Davids: how something is something impacting: Not just about blogging.

4:44 Wow...Ace hasn't disparaged the liberal New york times yet...

4:45 "I want Baracuda by Heart" Oh...ouch....my ears...what was that? feedback

4:45 Ace:"We have some cartoon violence going on" hahahahahaha again, ace funny.

4:46 Karol "Like Ren and Stimpy"? Oy...no dude, it's a Simpsons reference...get a tv.
4:47 something something "arson, murder, rioting, i don't know how the world deals with it, america deals with"

karol: "we have no choice but to democratize the arab world." (oookkkk. You get right on that. I'll be here. You let me know how it goes. -ed.)

4:48 I wish Jeff Goldstein would call in. He's soo dreamy.

4:49 Ace: when you insult Islam, you are not just insulting a religion, you are insulting something core of a billion people.

4:51 "I don't care about offending people...the problem is the rioting and the burning" - Karol the great philosopher Shenein
4:52 "Not really the protest you'd imagine that would dispel the notion that Islam really is violent"

Ace: "Newspapers have been brave in printing the cartoons"

4:53 Karol "I diagree Ace. There's nothing brave about that"

hahahahahah You all don't know this, but I wrote karol's response before she said it!

4:54 well, from what I remember the show is pretty much over, except for the sign off. But for the dead air between cities moment when karol was playing poker, I thought it was probably their best effort to date. I give it four and a half liberal new york timeses.
4:57 Karol: "You wanna be brave, go stand in front of the rioting Muslims and tell them what they're doing is wrong. That's brave." Heh.
4:58 "It's braver and smarter to take them on rather than printing cartoons."

"To reprint them to prove bravery is just dumb."

Ace: "Except to the extent that they depict that which should not be depicted" Oooh...Voldemort.

4:59 mmm....see you next Tuesday...oh, not me. Them. Maybe me. We'll see.


And "I wish I knew how to quit you" has already been taken.


Bratton, who often calls the city the car chase capital of the world, was asked why there are so many pursuits in Los Angeles: "There are a lot of nuts here," he said.

Not like all the perfectly sane people in Pasadena


I thought the Holocaust didn't happen!?!


Iocaste works on getting an alibi together.


NBC’s Williams apologizes after Obama-Ford mix-up

“NBC Nightly News” anchor Brian Williams told The Hill that he wrote Sen. Barack Obama (D-Ill.) and Rep. Harold Ford Jr. (D-Tenn.) letters of apology last week after he confused the two men at the State of the Union address.

During NBC’s broadcast, Williams noticed Obama on the House floor and identified him to the viewing audience. Unfortunately, it was actually Ford.

“I made a silly and honest mistake, and knowing both men I knew instantly what I had done,” a contrite and gracious Williams said in a phone call. “I obviously should have corrected it, but the proper time never arose.”

Williams isn’t alone. Rewind to last’s year’s State of the Union. Another reporter asked Obama’s office why he hugged the president. Again, it was Ford.

People mix them up plenty, even though the Capitol Rotunda separates the two men on most workdays. And “they don’t look that much alike,” one Senate staffer said. That they get confused at all is “pretty amazing,” one House aide lamented.

Neither Ford nor Obama’s offices would comment.

The two lawmakers are good friends, and Ford even campaigned for Obama in 2004.

If Ford is successful in getting himself elected to the Senate this fall, the mix-ups may deepen.

24 Blogging

Was that John McCain? What the hell is he doing? Has the Senate got nothing going on these days?

Not much more else of note about this episode, it's one of the classic set-up eps that makes watching 24 on DVDs superior to the weekly waiting.

Oh -- and dear God -- don't let them be serious about bringing Kim Bauer back.

Monday, February 06, 2006


I'm not the only one who thinks the Superbowl was about Pittsburgh and Detroit.

So this was it, win or lose. And what better place for it to happen than the town he grew up in, the town where his parents still live.
The Bus really did stop here.
"The script right now, if you took it to Hollywood they'd turn it down, saying it couldn't happen," Bettis said.
Bettis was right. Hollywood didn't need this script.
Pittsburgh and Detroit sure did, though.


Me: Ugh, what is Brad Pitt doing?
: What do you mean? He's with the hottest woman of all time.
Me: Come on.
Karol: What come on? I would leave Peter right now to be with Angelina Jolie.
Me: And just like that we have a new quote of the day.


Me: How large are the bedrooms?
Guy who I paid $200 to measure them: I don't know, I'm just the measuring guy.
Me: Huh?
"Measuring" Guy: I just do the measurements, the office will tell you how big they are.


His favoritest singer has a new album coming out.



Gene McFadden, one-half of McFadden & Whitehead, the legendary R&B duo famed for the 1979 pop anthem "Ain't No Stoppin' Us Now," has died.

The 56-year-old succumbed to complications from liver and lung cancer at his Philadelphia home on January 27.

Songwriter/producer partner John Whitehead predeceased McFadden in May 2004 after being fatally shot outside his Philadelphia home. Whitehead's murder remains unsolved.

Bad Dawn.


The British government said the money would help take the place of funding lost because of the Global Gag Rule, a law created during President Reagan's administration and revived under the current Bush administration. The law bans U.S. funding to nongovernmental organizations that promote or discuss abortion services — even in countries where abortion is legal.

"We know from experience that the absence of sexual and reproductive health services results in an increase in unintended pregnancies and, inevitably, a greater number of unsafe abortions," said U.K. International Development Minister Gareth Thomas in a released statement. "That is why the U.K. will support organizations like the IPPF [International Planned Parenthood Federation] that are providing medical care and information to help save women's lives. … I would urge other donors to follow our lead and make a contribution to this life-saving initiative that could improve the lives of thousands of poor women in the developing world."

I love when other nations stop bitching about what Bush isn't doing and just puts up the funding themselves...well...ok...I think this might be the only instance of such putting up and/or shutting up -- but again, brava!


As she clearly has too much time on her hands, I submit this as proof positive that lawyers are way more necessary to society than emergency room doctors.

I rest my case.

Sunday, February 05, 2006


We can all go back to not caring about Detroit or Pittsburgh.

Congrats Steelers.

Friday, February 03, 2006


I was just scrolling through some of my "saved as drafts" posts that I never published. Wow. I am a sick, sick girl...or perfectly healthy since I had the good sense not to publish them.

A sample offering: "Not So Random Thought: Women are bitches"

Thursday, February 02, 2006


Puberty has hit Wallace like a ton of bricks. Time for a recast.

Dealers hide drugs in puppies. Hello? If you wanna hide drugs, inside a puppy is frickin ingenious!

Besides, who's to say the puppies weren't in on it? Puppy Chow ain't free.


"It's an amazing thing when an individual does that," NBA star LeBron James said when told about Prince's performance. "I don't know who she is, but maybe we'll see her in the WNBA. For that matter, the NBA."

On the new record holder for most point in a game by a high school girl.


Gently used living room set (sofa, loveseat, chair, coffee table and end tables).

Price: FREE, but you must be able to pick it up from Brooklyn, New York between 10-4 p.m. on a weekday in the next two weeks.

Must take everything!

Click email link on right hand side, if interested.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006


Oh yeah...SO'S YOUR FACE.

"The officers made a good faith, but mistaken effort to enforce an old unwritten interpretation of the prohibitions about demonstrating in the Capitol," Capitol Police Chief Terrance Gainer said in a statement late Wednesday.

"The policy and procedures were too vague," he added. "The failure to adequately prepare the officers is mine."

The extraordinary statement came a day after police removed Sheehan and Beverly Young, wife of Rep. C.W. "Bill" Young, R-Fla., from the visitors gallery Tuesday night. Sheehan was taken away in handcuffs before Bush's arrival at the Capitol and charged with a misdemeanor, while Young left the gallery and therefore was not arrested, Gainer said.

"Neither guest should have been confronted about the expressive T-shirts," Gainer's statement said.

Gainer added that he was asking the U.S. attorney's office to drop the charge against Sheehan. The statement also said he apologized to the Youngs and "share the department's plans for avoiding this in the future."

"A similar message has been left with Mrs. Sheehan," Gainer said.

Who's got the over/under on when Alarming News and her crazy ass commenters (yeah, I'm looking at you Dorian Davis) will publicly apologize to Sheehan?

Get. STOP. An. STOP. E-mail. STOP Address

"Effective January 27, 2006, Western Union will discontinue all Telegram and Commercial Messaging services. We regret any inconvenience this may cause you, and we thank you for your loyal patronage. If you have any questions or concerns, please contact a customer service representative."

Western Union quits sending telegrams.


The tabloid press reported a three-day bender as well as an intervention staged by her "Full House" castmates — including the Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, John Stamos and Bob Saget.

Sweetin, 24, never went as far as to blame her life as a child star for her addiction, but said that it was difficult to discover who she truly was after the show ended.

"There is a certain sense of loss when a series ends," she said. "It is kind of hard to figure out who you are when you've lost your job at age 13, when that was basically how you identified yourself."

Sweetin said she checked herself in to the Promises drug rehab facility where she went underwent six weeks of intense treatment. She realized that she "was living a total double life," she said. "I was married to a police officer — we are going through a divorce right now — he had no idea."

Sweetin has been clean and sober since March of last year and now wants to get back into acting.

"I want to make movies, TV series, wherever the career takes me," she said. "I really hope this isn't the last people hear of me. In fact, I would like to make this a footnote in my career, not the end."

Hey, Jodie, Tracey Gold called, she wants her publicist back.


We realize that our family is going through something that thousands of military families have experienced over the last three years since the war began and throughout our history. Bob's name may be more recognizable but his story is no more important. He would be the first to insist that the attention should be focused on the members of the U.S. military whose heroic actions he has reported on for years.

Lee Woodruff

In other news, Charlie Gibson has been named to replace Bob as anchor. Those who followed the campaigning after Peter Jennings' death, will recall that Charlie Gibson was originally passed over as Peter's replacement, in favor of the now critically injured Bob Woodruff. Leaving inquiring minds to wonder exactly where Mr. Gibson was during the explosion that wounded Woodruff.


So...Pittsburgh versus Seattle in some pig battle in Detroit?

Umm...ok...does this mean no new Desperate Housewives?


Slavery suuuuuuuuuuuuuucked.


"If I ever get engaged, [insert waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay in the future tone] I'll call you up and just say 'hey, I got engaged,' I'm not going to make you guess." - Karol

Of course, her pledge is probably just a recognition that I am the all time worst guesser in the world, and thus, that's better for all concerned this way.

The last three times my friends have gleefully called me up with "news" this is what happened:

February 1st 2003
Friend: So, do you know what happened?
Me: Yeah, sad, right? The space shuttle disintegrated on re-entry, killing the seven astronauts aboard.
Friend: No. I got engaged.
Me: Oh. Congratulations.

August 2004

Friend: Well, I don't know if I can tell you.
Me(in the most snarky, sarcastic tone I've got in the arsenal): Whatever, come on. It's not like you're pregnant, jeez.
Friend(long pause...indeed, one could say a pregnant pause): No. I am.

April 2005

Friend: Did you hear about me and boyfriend?
Me: Yes! Sherry said you finally broke up with him. Good for you.
Friend: No...well, we did, but we're back together and we're getting married.
Me: Ah. Well...oh, congratulations.

So...yeah...no making me guess. Dawn is not a good guesser. Just tell me. You'll get all of the appropriate happiness, with none of the awkward staring.

Clareified: all about information and education.


Or maybe Oklahoma...yeah, Oklahoma cause of the terrorism attack. Hmm...or maybe our union's state is Louisiana...ok, that's my last change. We're Louisiana.

I'll admit that I heard the speech last night through closed eyes, turned back and pillowed head. Yes, it was Bushie's dulcet tones which lulled me to sleep with promises of bringing democracy to all the world's boys and girls, while assuring me that the boogeymen Democrats will not frighten the nation into becoming cheese eating surrender monkeys.

I did see the first minute or so of the speech, I like what he said about Coretta Scott King. "Tonight we are comforted by the hope of a glad reunion with the husband who was taken so long ago, and we are grateful for the good life of Coretta Scott King. "

Did every channel immediately zoom in on the black faces in the audience? I was watching MSNBC and they immediately went to Obama and two other black men, I guess Cynthia McKinney was in the head.

The only other thing I remember was one of the best political zingers I've heard in a while: "Hindsight alone is not wisdom. And second guessing is not a strategy. " Oooh, burn.

I listened for a few minutes more before sleep overtook me, so I never heard the famed "addiction" line or the Democratic response.

So, and again, I say this with all the confidence of one who half listened to a quarter of the speech, I give the President my usual D+.

But, be of good cheer my fellow Americans! Only three years to go!!

Till Jeb.


Peace activist Cindy Sheehan was arrested Tuesday in the House gallery after refusing to cover up a T-shirt bearing an anti-war slogan before President Bush's State of the Union address.

According to a blog post on Michael Moore's Web site attributed to Sheehan, the T-shirt said, "2,245 Dead. How many more?" -- a reference to the number of U.S. troops killed in Iraq.

Cover your eyes, kids -- but WHAT THE FUCK?


Official: Shooter had 'psychological problems'


On the heels of a politically tough year, President Bush used his State of the Union speech Tuesday to propose weaning the United States from its "addiction" to imported oil and studying how the baby boom generation may strain federal entitlements.

"They'll pry my steering wheel out of my cold dead fingers" - Dawn "I'm hella not taking the bus to Atlantic City" Summers

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