Clareified

VOTING FOR SECURITY

 


Gotta love the 'Zona.

NOT SO RANDOM THOUGHT

In case you were wondering, in a fight between Hellboy and the Hulk, Hulk wins.

ARIZONA BLOGGING

I have taken my Kerry/Edwards '04 mission on the road!

After much deliberation, I finally settled on Arizona because, well, the housing was free -- but who knows? Maybe I can help turn the Cactus State blue...er...Grand Canyon State.

I landed fairly early this morning. A bunch of us from Law School (including commenters pearatty and kaz) will be pounding the pavement here up through election day, but I arrived first.

I met pearatty's mom at her store and she drove me over to their house. As we headed up the driveway, I saw a shadow behind me. I turned and saw nothing. We walked a few paces and again, I saw something dart ahead of us. When we reached the front door I realized, it was a golden brown cat.
"Hey, there's a cat trying to get in," I casually mentioned, not at all panicked and afraid.
"Oh, that's pearatty's little sister's cat. The other one's somewhere around here."
Gulp.
"It's black."
Mommy.
"You don't have a problem with cats or anything do you? You're not allergic?"
Umm...allergic, no. Convinced they will kill me and eat my face as I sleep, yes.
"No, I'm fine."
I got the quick tour of the ground floor -- complete with the sink full of soaking meats for tomorrow night's big barbecue (mmmmm...bar-b-cue)...
"You're not a vegetarian are you?"
HA! Vegetarian? The only animals I like are those grilled to perfection and served with a side of potatoes!
"Nope."
"Great. I've got to get back to the store, but make yourself at home. You can leave that side door open, because no one ever goes back there."
"Thanks"
I wish my mom had a store. Except in my head, it would have to be a candy store where I could drop by after school and scoop up a handful of lemon drops on my way upstairs to do my homework. Yes, in my head I am Nellie and I live on the Prarie. But in a big house, where all the little people owe my parents money and I can bully all the poor kids at school...but I digress.
I slept the whole plane ride from New York, so I wasn't tired enough to sleep again. Instead I decided to watch some Netflix DVDs that I brought with me.
I started with "Cold Mountain."
I woke up about halfway through and started again with "Cold Mountain."
After it finished, I headed outside to the bathroom.
I carefully closed the room door behind me and went out into the hallway.
The cat was waiting.
Not again.
I darted into the bathroom and slammed the door.
I heard it scratching and meowing outside.
Then it pushed its body against the door.
I reciprocated.
Leaning with my full weight against the door, I started barking very loudly.
"Woof, woof. Grrrr."
Cat was having none of me and my dog.
It stuck its paw under the door, swiping at my feet with its claws.
For the love of...how many times in one year are other people's pets going to try to kill me?
I stayed in the bathroom for what seemed like an hour. I listened for sounds on the other side of the door. With one hand still pressed against the door, I leaned down to look under...coast was clear!
I dashed out and back into the bedroom.
I threw on my sneakers, grabbed an ATM card and a credit card and bolted out the house.
"Karol! Another cat tried to kill me," I yelled into the phone.
"You've got isssues. Why don't you just pet it?"
"Yah, so it can bite my fingers? No, thanks. I'm just going to get lunch and sit in a movie theater until pearatty's mom gets back."
I walked around until I came to a strip mall with a bank. I walked into the branch looking for an ATM machine.
"What the hell? How did I manage to find the only bank in America without an ATM?"
"Oh, yeah, same thing happened to me in Colorado. They probably have a drive-thru," Karol explains.
"But I don't have a car."
"You have to walk through it."
Oh.
"Shut up."
Of course, I get to the machine and realize my ATM card isn't in my pocket.
Do I go back to the house? Or just use the credit card which I do have?
Evil cat be damned! I decide to head back.
I walk up the driveway. No cat!
I turn the knob to the open the side door...LOCKED!
What the...
I jiggle the handle a bit, still nothing.
I peer in though the window pane and I see a shadow of brown and gold fur glinting in the sunlight. I hear maniacal laughter.
The cat!
Locked out, peniless, and hungry, I went back to the strip to weigh my options.
I could go back to pearatty's mom's store, tell her the cat tried to kill me and locked me out, probably end up spending the weekend in some Arizona psychiatric ward or find a place that takes Mastercard and blog until the 4:50 showing of Team America.

Oh, look. It's almost time.

Gotta run.

Did I mention I haven't slept in a bed since 10 A.M. EST on Thursday?

QUOTE OF THE DAY

I was toying with the idea of starting a blog of my own, but my complete lack of productivity today merely from commenting on others' has convinced me that it would be a very baaaaaaaad idea.
-Future Blogger pearatty

Well, give it another month or so.

DID WE FIND A SUITABLE WORD FOR PEOPLE WHO TRY TO KILL CHILDREN?

"What's going on there?" asked dispatcher Kristine Woodrow.

"My daddy killed me with a butcher knife," Anthony said.

"How did that happen if you are talking to me?" Woodrow asked.

"Because," Anthony answered. "I don't know what happened, but something. He grabbed knives. I woke up. My dad, he was killing my mom and then my, my, my dad told me to go onto the other bed and then he's like, 'You're next,' and then he killed me. I'm still alive. I kind of survived."

Just wondering.

DEAR KAROL,

We're waiting.

Green's statement also said he and O'Reilly "withdraw any assertion that any extortion by Ms. Mackris, Mr. Morelli" or his law firm occurred.

Proclamation. Let's go.

UPDATE:

About the above sentence, Beldarblog writes:

That, my friends, is eating crow bigtime. That, my friends, is a settlement-mandated mitigation of damages that otherwise might continue to accrue for a defamation claim on Ms. Mackris' behalf.

Accusing someone of commiting a crime like extortion, if untrue, may be defamatory "per se" — meaning that an accusation that someone's a criminal is conclusively presumed to be injurious to his or her reputation; it may not necessarily be defamatory if, for example, it's true, but there's no dispute that it would cause members of the public to think less of the accusee.

While there's a privilege for making such accusations in court filings, that privilege may not extend to accusations that are republished by the accusers outside the courtroom. There's no way that O'Reilly's and Fox et al.'s lawyers would have made the admission that the extortion claim was unfounded unless they were simultaneously receiving a release from Ms. Mackris that would cover her potential defamation claims as part of the overall package; and it's something they'd only give up grudgingly.

My hunch is that Ms. Mackris' counsel painted his demand for such an admission as a "deal-killer point" in the negotiations; their side might have gotten more money if they'd dropped that demand, but they were unwilling to do so.

What's also missing from the press release that one would normally expect to see is a statement to the effect that by agreeing to settle all claims of all parties, no party was admitting any liability and no party was admitting that any other party's factual allegations or claims had any validity. That's probably exactly what the settlement documents themselves say, and it's usually something that a defendant insists on being able to say publicly.

But in the press release, there's only a weaker statement that "there was no wrongdoing whatsoever by Mr. O'Reilly, Ms. Mackris, or Ms. Mackris' counsel." Again, my strong hunch is that Ms. Mackris and her counsel objected to any broader statement than this one, knowing that it would have been spun by Mr. O'Reilly's and Fox et al.'s lawyers as part of a "these claims were bogus but would've been expensive to litigate, blah blah" meme.

Still waiting for Karol post on the subject.

Oh, and did y'all know that she thought "[t]he fact that Golan dropped the charges definitely lead me to believe he was extorting McGreevey"?

Yeah, me neither since she didn't post about it. But there it is in black and white.

Ahhh, just when I was wondering what I'd be blogging about when the election was over.

DEAR COLORADO, DAILY KOS SAYS:

...my strategic recommendation to Colorado Kerry supporters is to vote Kerry and vote "aye" on the proportional-electors ballot initiative. If it passes and Kerry wins, it will cost him four electors. But if Kerry loses, as is my hunch, ballot passage still guarantees the senator four more electors than Gore won in 2000.

That is all.

I now add: I hope Kerry wins Colorado, to my dream scenario.

IF KERRY LOSES HAWAII...

It'll be the BBC's fault. (click the link and then click on Hawaii)

FAKE AD

The Bush camp seems to be getting desperate. They are now photoshopping their campaign ads.
In other bizarre news, the Bush administration has blocked access to its site from outside the U.S.
Who's running and hiding and then copying and pasting?

What a miserable failure.

DEPRESSED

According to a poll of 100 commenters, the results will be:

Bush: 43
Kerry: 38
Nader: 4
Badnarik: 2
Not voting/Dorks: 4

Can five people go over there and vote for Kerry please?

UPDATE: Evidently it doesn't go without saying, don't go there and vote for Bush, only Kerry.

Go there and vote for Kerry.

COMMENT OF THE DAY

Congratulations from a fan of the team who last benefitted from the curse: the NY Mets. When was that? 19"86". Weird huh? It's like the Babe was TELLING you when he'd lift the curse.
Good job, guys. The fact that that you turned it around on the Yankees makes me all warm inside :)

Russ

LOOKS LIKE SHE FORGOT LAURA BUSH WAS A TEACHER, TOO

Barbara Bush tells grandson not to waste his life being a teacher:

Council: How did you make the transition from wanting to be a teacher to wanting to be a lawyer?
Bush: Candidly, my grandmother Barbara Bush sat me down. We were having a dinner one time and she had said . . . "You should really think about getting a graduate degree for your long-term prospects. You can always go back to teaching. It's a noble cause, but with the law you're able to help your community out in a much larger scale and also make a little bit more money." She wanted me to make money. That's kind of her litmus test for success, unfortunately, especially before getting into public service or politics or something like that.

Read more about how George P. Bush (son of Jeb) got into a prestigious law firm despite placing in the bottom half of his class at UT Law School.

" Some people say that's something you can pat yourself on the back for because UT is a top 20 school. But at the same time . . . I gave it my all, all the way through my third year. But it wasn't enough. And I guess I could make the argument that a lot of it was ideologically driven and that some of these professors made their political beliefs well known. But I'm not going to blame it on that. I'm going to blame it on myself. But I was fortunate enough to get the clerkship and be in a firm like this. "

Yeah.

Fortunate.

HA.

Damn all that affirmative action for minorities.

BEST 'DEAR ABBY' QUESTION EVER

I have a colleague who is trying to recuit co-workers into a cult. What should I do?

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

THE ECONOMIST ENDORSES JOHN KERRY

John Kerry says the war was a mistake, which is unfortunate if he is to be commander-in-chief of the soldiers charged with fighting it. But his plan for the next phase in Iraq is identical to Mr Bush's, which speaks well of his judgment. He has been forthright about the need to win in Iraq, rather than simply to get out, and will stand a chance of making a fresh start in the Israel-Palestine conflict and (though with even greater difficulty) with Iran. After three necessarily tumultuous and transformative years, this is a time for consolidation, for discipline and for repairing America's moral and practical authority. Furthermore, as Mr Bush has often said, there is a need in life for accountability. He has refused to impose it himself, and so voters should, in our view, impose it on him, given a viable alternative. John Kerry, for all the doubts about him, would be in a better position to carry on with America's great tasks.

Of course, I don't know how much influence the 'Economist' will have in getting people to vote for Kerry five days until the polls close.

via Instapundit.

DREAM SCENARIO

Kerry Wins Electoral College and Popular Vote on November 3rd.
Daschle Wins
Coors Loses
Carson Wins
Bunning Loses
Schumer Wins
Obama Wins
Keyes is 'disappeared' and never heard from again
Democrats Take the Senate by 1
Dems Take the House
Pataki announces he's gay and resigns, Spitzer takes over
Bloomberg changes registration back to Democrat
Rush Limbaugh goes to prison. and not the campy one.

WITH FRIENDS LIKE THESE...

"The Democratic Party has a great tradition of leading this country with strength and conviction in times of war."

-President George W. Bush

HOUSEKEEPING

Please welcome sometime Dick Cheney apologist, Alceste, to the blogroll.

R.I.P. 1918-2004

Red Sox Win The World Series.

The upside is we'll never have to hear about "No, No Nanette" ever again.

THE RNC WANTS THE 411

According to Slantpoint, Ken Mehlman and the Bush/Cheney Campaign is desperate for some information about shadowy threats, smears and lies. Like the 9/11 families begging Bush to testify under oath about the months leading up to their loved ones deaths, Mehlman pleads for help:

With very few days left, we need you to be our eyes and ears on the ground. Call our hotline at 1-888-610-8170 if you get any suspicious messages.

I, for one, plan to call in to report the shadowy threats of nuclear bombs going off in American cities, danger to the Citicorp center and these hate baiting mailers.

Go on, call.

It's probably the last time the Bush administration and their allies will ever elicit the truth from us "eyes and ears on the ground."

So's your face

Scrubs is now my favorite show on TV. If they don't win the Emmy for best comedy now that Sex & the City is gone, I'll just cry.

What?

You got a problem with that?

Is it too childish, sexist or slapstick for ya?

Well, so's your face.

HA.

Work has been, well work. I leave for vacation in 36 hours and they mean to get every last minute out of me before I go. There's not too much interesting political news, except that Karol may be suffering from a meltdown. Will confirm when I hear actually bubbling over the phone. But that's more funny than interesting.

NATIONAL LEAGUE SUCKS

Seven in a row. It's like Boston doesn't even remember how to lose.

GET OUT THE VOTE FOR KERRY

Polling of early voters reveals that Bush has a 51-47 lead over Kerry.

DINNER IN BED?

This might be where Bill O'Reilly starts holding interview lunches for his staffers.

via Intl News.

SO CUTE!

via Green Frog.

MEMO TO ST. LOUIS; BAMBINO, CURSE OF

Sincerely,

2004 World Series Champions The Boston Red Sox


via Party P*ker Blogs (Hat Tip: Ugarte* )


* Posting of the above picture does not indicate a move to an NC-17 rated blog.

A FRAUD, A PHONY, A FORGERY

I am indebted to a reader who sent me a quotation a few weeks back. It was an observation that one's willingness to acknowledge that a painting is forged is usually inverse to the price one paid to buy it.

That's a neat summation of our present state. After Sept. 11, we wanted nothing so much as to feel safe. So some of us bought what Bush was selling--the idea that security lay not in finding a terrorist who had attacked us, but in deposing a dictator who had not.

We bought a forgery, a fake "War on Terror" for which we paid, and are still paying, a fortune in prestige, money and lives. Now we are loath to admit what anybody can see.

No one should be surprised that this particular salesman has failed to deliver the goods. After all, we know this guy. We know his utter unwillingness to be swayed by facts.

For four years, he and his cronies have blithely changed or suppressed government reports--on health, science, the environment--that counter their world view.

On Planet Bush, a thing is true because the president believes it to be true and any facts marshaled in opposition are irrelevant.

Want to utter more 'F' sounding words? Read more.

AND NOW WE HAVE A BLOG MOTTO

"Trash talk is not just easy, it's free"

IN OTHER WORDS, A LINK WHORE

You Are a Link Blogger!

Your blog is more about cool links than thougtful posts. Better to be entertaining and brief than longwinded and boring!

via Gib.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

With a straight face, you're going to tell me that President Bush didn't kill a terrorist who he had in his crosshairs because he was worried about France?

HAHAHAHAHAHAH
Political Hackery indeed.

IT IS FINISHED

I completed and mailed my absentee ballot today.
I think Karol owes me a nickel for betting I would vote for Nader, but I'm not sure.
Putting my stamp where my mouth is, I voted for JFK and JE, Schumer, bunch of Judges who appear simultaneously on the Republican and Democrat line (what up wid dat?) and Congressman Owens. I competently filled in the proper ovals, checking the rules along the margin to avoid the dreaded overvote and in one of the less fine moments of my voting life, checked google to see if my assemblyman candidate Clarence Norman Jr. was the one who pleaded guilty to larceny charges and resigned earlier this year. (Turns out that was Roger Green, Clarence Norman is just under indictment for larceny. Sigh.)
I had been walking around with the ballot in my bag for days, each time remembering I needed to fill it out long after the post office was closed.
Luckily, today, I happened upon this post allowing me to "spasm with frustration" just in time to make it before closing.
I was going to leave a snarky comment on the post cleverly titled "Don't Be Like Spain" (because you know, we were attacked three years ago and if you don't re-elect George Bush the terrorists win), but instead decided casting my ballot for KE04 was much more important.
But then, because I am a narcissist who likes to see her thoughts in print, decided to post about my decision to vote instead of bitch.
The notion that:

"If we, in a spasm of frustration, turn out the current occupant of the White House, the message to the world and ourselves will be twofold. First, we will reject the notion that America can do big things. Once a nation that tamed a frontier, stood down the Nazis and stood upon the moon, we will announce to the world that bringing Democracy to the Middle East is too big of a task for us. But more significantly, we will signal to future presidents that as voters, we are unwilling to tackle difficult challenges, preferring caution to boldness, embracing the mediocrity that has characterized other Civilizations," is sadly twisted.
America has been, is and always will be more than one man.

President Bushes come and go (two already, by my count) and time will tell how history records them, but I know for certain that America will be no less than she is for their having led her for what amounts to less than a blink of history's eye. If George W. is done on January 20th, America will still be the great land of opportunity, diversity and charity that it was under Jefferson, Roosevelt, Kennedy, Clinton and would be under Kerry.
To claim otherwise is to cheapen the heavy price our forebears paid in blood during the Revolutionary war, the Civil War and the Civil Rights movement.
I get it. You like George W. and his policies, good for you, go cast your ballot that way -- but don't equate my great nation with him and insinuate that if he loses, America will swim in mediocrity.
My feelings about Bush's presidency are no secret, it has sucked diddly-ucked from the first second to right now.
I don't agree with his policies on gay rights, civil rights, progressive taxation, separation of powers, women's right to medical care, human rights, etc.
But at no point have I ever thought, oh well, the United States sucks now.
The President is just one of our citizenry. Sure, he's got really cool cars and his own plane, but he gets one vote, just like the rest of us.
This isn't 17th Century France when the King could say "L'estat est moi" and so it was.
What if Bush chokes to death on a pretzel? Or is fatally wounded in a bicycle riding accident? So too goes the Republic?
Could there be a smaller thought than to shrink this country to the size of a five-ten, 170 pound man?
Could there be a thought more French?
Right now, George Bush may be the face of the nation, but he ain't the nation.
Our fiber is crafted out of the threads of liberty by the hands of the enterprising and idealistic, America is infinitely more than George Bush's Smirky McSwagger or John Kerry's patrician good looks, nothing that happens on November 3rd is going to change that.
If the author of this piece (and those who cheer it) really believe that "America is at a once-in-a-generation crossroads, more than an election hangs in the balance," they have missed the whole point of our grand experiment and forgotten what America is really about.
Of course, if it's just partisan rhetoric to get your guy re-elected, well, then, that's the spirit and I hope all the young people who don't want to get drafted go out in droves and vote for John Kerry.

DATE WITH DESTINY

The Red Sox have won six straight post-season games. This looks like their year.

Unstoppable.

WHOOOOOAAAAAA

Philly rally with the Top Dog and the Big Dog!

DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES

Arrggghh, ok, how long do we have to wait until Mrs. Huber is found dead and the whole neighborhood is under suspicion for murder?

NOT TO QUIBBLE, BUT...

...you can't have Celebrity Poker Showdown with Ricki Lake, Sara Gilbert, Neil Flynn, Macauley Culkin and Kevin Nealon, unless the year is 1989 or celebrity is in quotes.

VOTE FOR KERRY. I'M SO NOT KIDDING.

Whether you live in the key swing states of Ohio, Wisconsin,Pennsylvania or the irrelevant decided states of California, Texas or New York, it's crucial that you vote for John Kerry.

Evidently not only do the Bushies want the Electoral College magic 270, they are desperate to win the popular vote.

Now, we've seen what they've managed to do despite losing the popular vote, I shudder to think of the damage they'll render if they manage to win the popular vote this time around.

So, Dems, independents, Greens, Working Families and yes, so-inclined Republicans go vote for Kerry no matter where you live!!

The future depends on it.

ET TU DETROIT?

On the Chris Matthews show Andrew Sullivan claims that Michigan is leaning Bush.

METAMORPHOSIS: SUCKER TO SATAN IN 24 HOURS

THURSDAY

Secretary: Hey, I've got a doctor's appointment at 3:30...no 3:00, so I've gotta leave early.
Me: Oh, well, can you finish up these copies?
Secretary: Actually, I'm going to lunch now.
Me: Oh, ok.

FRIDAY

Secretary: Hey, it's my birthday. I'm not supposed to do any work today.
Me: You can celebrate your birthday tomorrow. I need these envelopes labelled, addressed and mailed by noon.

THURSDAY

Accounting: I'm doing this as fast as I can. I don't like to be rushed.
Me: I know, sorry. Ok, tell me when you're done.

FRIDAY
Me: I need 14 checks and I need them in 12 minutes.
Accounting: Well, the person who usually handles these doesn't come in until 9:30 and...
Me: I need them in (look at watch) 11 minutes. Thanks.

THURSDAY
Cab Driver: Miss, can you get out and walk from here, those streets get real narrow down here.
Me (Holding a 1000 pages of documents): But can you just make the turn? These things are heavy.
Cab Driver: Really, it's just a couple of blocks from here, it's better if you walk.
Me: OK

FRIDAY

Cab Driver: Is it possible for you to get out here? I don't want to get stuck in Times Square at Rush Hour.
Me (holding nothing at all): No, please drop me off in front of the building.

THURSDAY
Administrative Guy: No legal assistant available.
Me: Alright.

FRIDAY:
Me: Where's my legal assistant?
Administrative Guy: Working on it.
Me: I'll hold.


Oh, and did I mention I interrupted the "surprise" party for my secretary with a copy job?

Really, my horns and tail are coming in nicely. I have ordered a pitchfork from Amazon.

HOW COULD ONE SLIM BE SO SHADY?

Marshall Mathers isn't a Bush man. Who woulda thunk it?

RS: You get deep into your feelings about President Bush and Iraq on “Mosh.” Do you think the Iraq War was a mistake?

E: He’s been painted to be this hero and he’s got our troops over there dying for no reason. I haven’t heard an explanation yet that I can understand. Explain to us why we have troops over there dying.

RS: There is no good answer.

E: I think he started a mess. America is the best country there is, the best country to live in. But he’s f**kin’ that up and could run our country into the ground. He jumped the gun, and he f**ked up so bad he doesn’t know what to do right now. He’s in a tailspin, running around like a dog chasing its tail. And we got young people over there dyin’, kids in their teens, early twenties that should have futures ahead of them. And for what? It seems like a Vietnam 2. Bin Laden attacked us and we attacked Saddam. We ain’t heard from Saddam for ten years, but we go attack Saddam. Explain why that is. Give us some answers.

RS: Are you voting?

E: This is the first year I’ve registered to vote. And I’m gonna vote. Bush is definitely not my homie, but I’m still undecided. Kerry has been known to say some things that’s caught my attention, made a few statements I’ve liked, but I don’t know. Whatever my decision is, I would like to see Bush out of office. I don’t wanna see my little brother get drafted. He just turned eighteen. I don’t want to see him lose his life. People think their votes don’t count, but people need to get out and vote. Every motherf**kin’ vote counts.

via Drudge who I am only linking to because he proves Karol wrong.

YANKEES WIN LEAGUE CHAMPIONSHIP AFTER ALL!

Well, kinda.

At least they have the satisfaction of knowing Clemens ain't getting another ring either.

QUOTE OF THE DAY, POSSIBLY THE MONTH

Q: What's the difference between the war in Iraq and the war in Viet Nam?

A: George Bush had a plan for getting out of Viet Nam.

via Rick

BOSTON WINNING STREAK KILLING ITS FANS

First, a Yankee fan murders his Bosox buddy, then the Boston Police shoot and kill a college student.

WHERE WERE YOU WHEN...

you realized that God is so trying to tell you that you aren't cut out for this crap?

Me?

I was standing in the lobby of a building that closes at 5:00, holding near 1000 pages of documents at 5:07 wondering if crying would get the guard to let me in.

This is why people buy $1200 worth of lottery tickets. Not me. People. Other people. Who are not me.

KERRY'S MY GUY

I took a poll that says based on the issues I should vote for John Kerry.

You preferred Kerry's statements 78% of the time You preferred Bush's statements 22% of the time Voting purely on the issues you should vote Kerry Who would you vote for if you voted on the issues? Find out now!

Karol took the same poll and said she couldn't really tell who she liked based on the statements, finding herself " saying 'neither' or 'both' quite a few times."

I think that's the key difference between definite Kerry voters and definite Bush voters. One is paying attention.

SCHADENFRAUDE

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I'm sorrry. I meant to say...wait...sorry, something's stuck in my throat. It's like I'm....choking. hahahahahahahahaha

No, sorry.

I meant to apologize for saying, and here I quote:

"Well, turns out the devil really does keep his promise when you sell him your soul, because once again the Yankees have inexplicably escaped defeat.

So, I give up.

They can't be beaten.

The Yankees are an unbelieveable, unbeatable force of unstoppable winningness."

My bad.

Jinxed ya.

So, in closing: The curse of the Bambino is definitely over for the Sox, Bush is a lock and I will not win the lottery.

WHERE WERE YOU...

when you realized you weren't cut out for this crap?

Me?

I was chasing a 57-year-old man down 6th avenue in the rain until I slipped, slid and the papers I was holding went flying into the street.

Didn't fall though, so there's something.

FANTASY FOOTBALL

I'm not last. I'm not last. I'm not last. I'm not last. I'm not last.

SOX DEFEAT THE TERRORISTS

Again!

I was surprised that none of the New York papers went with the headline:

"Knot Happening!"

Of course, I don't have a dog in this fight and have been staying up late nights just to enjoy good baseball. However, Alex Rodriguez is the nastiest, cheatingest, whiny, crybaby, S-O-B to wear the pinstripes since Roger Clemens.

And the pathetic losers who were hurling objects onto the field, forcing the NYPD to send cops in riot gear to protect the players, should be thrown in jail dressed in Red Sox paraphenalia.

Punks.

MARTHA STEWART GETS IN PRISON JAM...

of her own making.

HAS ANYBODY SEEN MY TEETH?




Seriously. Can you look down there?

KERRY TAKES COMMANDING LEAD IN NEW YORK

100% of reported votes cast for the liberal Senator from Massachusetts.

Kinda wishing that Rick Blaine had kept his Jersey address.

Hmm, maybe Force Majeure did, though!

Uh...Random Query #7

Is it a bad sign that I've been hearing Gollum whisper "the precioussssss" in my head all morning?

Probably just another side effect of planning murders for CSI to solve, like a murder of a CSI by one of the perps of a crime the investigator was working on. Then the whole office has to lock down the building, solve all the crimes the investigator was assigned, in order to pinpoint the killer! I'd say they'd have to wait on this one until a future "contract dispute."

Until then, have to get the preciousssssssss.

WANTED

One job (or leads to same) in Basil, Switerzerland for Ivy-League graduate with Master's in International Affairs, also has significant journalism experience.

E-mail or comment any suggestions.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY PEOPLE?

Well, 18 percent of them anyway.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

"Even if the Red Sox win tonight, there are still two more games. Boston has to win all of the remaining games, the Yankees only have to win one. Think of the Yankees as terrorists, they only have to win once."

-Peter, after I needled him about the Sox late game comeback to tie the score at 4.

SARAH MICHELLE GELLAR TRASHES LAST SEASONS OF BUFFY

"But Gellar was willing to make accommodations for Grudge, which is just the kind of movie she sought after Buffy ended last year. She says the show had "jumped the shark."

"(The) sixth season for me was really rough," she says. "I didn't like the story line. I was not happy with it. It got almost like verging on S&M to me. I felt Buffy was being degraded. . . . We were going through a lot of writer changes."

The seventh season in 2003 was Buffy's last, allowing Gellar the time for a film career."Your options are limited on a television show called Buffy the Vampire Slayer," she says, "when you're Buffy."


Ouch.
Now, I'm not saying Season Six was Season Two or Three or One, it wasn't, but shark jumping?

That's harsh.
Yup, after letting Nicholas and Alyson find out that she wasn't coming back from an Entertainment Weekly reporter, being friends with Shannen Dougherty and being a Republican, I think I'm definitely holding a grudge against SMG.

CURRENTLY OBSESSED WITH... CSI

I've seen 12 episodes in the past three days. I keep humming "Whoooo are you? who-oo, oooo ... tell me who are you, you, you aaay" and visualizing interesting ways for people to be murdered. (Like say...head through a computer screen in a college computer lab," I can imagine them picking the monitor glass from the vic's skull and Gris saying "that's one way to log off.")

ARE YOU SITTING DOWN?

I'm a Left-Liberal!



What are you?

With Credit to Alceste
for seeing this quiz first, and taking it, and then commenting his results and leaving the URL.

:)

TURNS OUT I MAY BE A LIBERTARIAN...

At least according to Michael Badnarik:

The Bush administration's discretionary spending has exceeded the Clinton administration's discretionary spending—not including the additional 500 billion spent on the war


The Bush administration lied to the American people in order to invade Iraq


The Bush administration plans to re-institute the draft after the election


Bush administration policies have created an increase in the cost of petroleum products


Bush administration, under the guise of national security has nearly bankrupted the transportation industry


Marriage is a contract between individuals in which government should not interfere. Michael Badnarik supports the right of all individuals to enter into contracts of their choosing. As President, he will oppose and veto any federal legislative attempt to prohibit gay marriage


Marriage is a religious commitment in which the government has no place


Lifestyle is an individual right


AIDS patients should be able to choose for themselves to use experimental medications or marijuana without interference from the FDA or DEA


Government should not interfere with, or prevent companies from offering benefits to same sex couples

Will veto any legislation restricting a woman's right to choose

or the trickery of politicians. We will eliminate the federal government's ability to arrest and hold Latinos without due constitutional process.


We will work together with you for your peace and security.


We will ensure that our federal government abides by the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution and the Bill of Rights.

Opposes government control over abortion

RANDOM QUERY #4

Can anyone confirm if that is really Joyce Summers starring in an Advil commercial? (The one where the lady says, now that we know Vioxx can kill you, maybe you should ask your doctor if you should switch to Advil.)

If so, that's just sad. Did Eliza Dushku's show get cancelled? Can't somebody give her a supporting role in something?

DAMN YANKEES

Shortly after their game three thrashing, I commented that at least if the Yanks sweep the Sox, then Kerry's point about Sox fans not living in reality will be vindicated. So what do they do?

Blow the sweep.

I hate you, Yankees.

WORST WEDDING TOAST. EVER.

A toast to Sally,* the bride and her groom Matt*, by her cousin Jessica Darla**:


"When we were little, I always thought Sally had it all. She was smart, beautiful and loads of fun. But then I grew up and realized I was wrong. Sally needed a boyfriend. As I was preparing for my own wedding, I told this to my husband and we decided that since he had a friend that needed a girlfriend, we would set him up with Sally who needed a boyfriend. A couple of days before the wedding, I told Sally about my plan and she told me: 'Jess Darla, I have a boyfriend.' That's when we found out about Matt. So, today I want to toast Sally and Matt for finally making her complete and I want to welcome him as my cousin-in-law."

Dude. It would be one thing, if Sally was marrying the friend who needed a girlfriend, then it would be a cute "we set them up" story...but no. Just your regular, run-of-the-mill, thank God my cousin's not going to die a spinster story.

*Names changed to protect the innocent.
**Names of the guilty are unknown and so are made up.

HOLY MOTHER OF BATMAN!!

My Fantasy Football score:


East Coco Beach Rams 81.10
vs
the genuine article 32.05

It's probably not official until after tonight's game, so I probably shouldn't say anything of a celebratory nature yet.

SIDEWALKS KILL ELDERLY WOMEN

One in California and one in Illinois.

THANK GOD FOR E-MAIL SPELL CHECK

One of our senior partners asked me if I could send her a copy of the brief we filed in the death penalty case.

I attached a PDF file of the brief and then wrote a short sentence in the body of the e-mail:

"Here you ho!"

-Dawn Summers

I hit send.

The spellchecker highlighted 'ho' and suggested 'he' instead.

Holy Crap! I changed the 'h' to a 'g' and sent it again.

I can't even imagine how I would have explained that one.

HAS THE PRESIDENT SUFFERED A STROKE?

Salon has the scoop.

I got a call this morning from another medical producer. First thing he says is: Bush has had a stroke. And it hit me, that's exactly what I saw. Check Bush's mouth, where the spittle was coming out. It's slightly droopy. If you go back and look at video from his earlier days, his mouth isn't drooping, that side of his face is far more animated. It's very subtle but it's there.
Now if you look at video from the FIRST debate, there is no droop. The right side of his face is pretty animated. Why? The thing on his back. Listen, I've put wireless mics and wireless IFBs (2 way transceivers) on talent for years. They're the size of credit cards now. That wasn't a transceiver on Bush's back. It was some kind of medical device. He wasn't wearing it last night, and that's why he was forcing himself to stand with such a rigid expression. The best he could muster.

via Iocaste

TELEVISION HISTORY

A female project manager is finally successful during the second season of the Apprentice!

No, wait, that's not the big news. Last night, after six or seven years of teaser

Will & Grace finally showed Will kissing his boyfriend on-air. It certainly didn't come close to the escapades of Six Feet Under's David, but I think it's a first for network television to show a non-animated male on male lip lock.

SWIFT BOAT VETERANS FOR TRUTH SAYS ...

"No question what Kerry did took some courage and he deserved some medal."
- John O'Neill on Nightline last night

Unfortunately I don't believe a word he says.

D.C. Photoblogging!

I flew to D.C. on Tuesday in order to attend oral argument at the Supreme Court on the issue of the juvenile death penalty.

I managed to get on an earlier flight than I planned, so I had some time to walk around our nation's capitol (and call all my friends saying "I am not in any state, but I haven't left the country, how can that be?).
Here was one of my first photos:


A Liberal on Massachusetts Ave!

It's my visual equivalent of saying, I know Bush hates people from the state of Massachusetts, but how does he feel about the street.
A guy saw me taking the photo and said: "So, I guess you're from Massachusetts, huh?"
Without realizing want he meant, I very quickly replied "No, I'm from New York."
Confused, he walked away.

I pressed on. I spent a summer interning in the Clinton White House, so I have very fond memories of the building and the area (not as fond as some other interns mind you, but fond enough.) I hadn't really been back in almost 9 years, so I figured I would swing by the big monuments. Sadly, the whole vibe of the city is different. Wire fences surround everything, cement blocks barricade most streets with landmark buildings and you can't throw a rock without hitting a law enforcement agent of some kind...which pretty much means, you shouldn't throw rocks in D.C.

>

Vote or Die, indeed.

I then headed up to the Capitol Building.


But a huge forcefield cut me off, at New Jersey Ave.

I decided to head over to the White House, guided, of course by the big KKK guy in the sky.



You can't see it in the picture, but the KKK guy has two beady red eyes. I remembered that the White House was straight across the green from the Washington memorial, so I kept walking toward it, and then past it, and then back up around to the other side. By the time I finally broke down and asked someone where the White House was, the sun had set and all I could see were the creepy flashing eyes of the pointy-hooded fixture.
"Excuse me, do you know where the White House is?"
"1600 Pennsylvania Avenue."
Thanks, jackass. Next time I'm mailing a letter, I'll be sure to call you up.
"Yeah, but where is that?"
"Well, this is 15th, but that street is closed for construction, so you'll have to walk around there, he said pointing to a dark street just out of the reach of the flashing red gaze.
"Thanks."
I walked for another twenty minutes, circumnavigating construction sites, security checkpoints, dogs, squirrels and giant sized rats, until I stood across the street from the people's house.




The White House


That shot was as close as I could get.
Starving from my unplanned walking tour of the city, I decided to grab a bite to eat at cakelove.
Years ago Oprah did a special on people following their dreams, included among the stories of the Yalie who chose to remain in New Haven as a public school teacher, rather than go to medical school and the surgeon who chucked it all to design shoes, was the story of an African-American corporate lawyer. In his fourth year of law firm life, he decided his real passion was baking cakes (let's call it a cake love, even). He figured he had saved enough money from his six figure job, and gave notice. He opened up a small bakery on U street and the rest is history. Since appearing on Oprah he has now expanded the business to include a cafe across the street from his original bakery.
Obviously, I think about that story A LOT (except for replace baking cakes with watching TV or blogging), so I wanted to try it out.
Unfortunately, the cafe didn't take American Express, so all I could afford was this:

It was not very good (cupcakes do not belong in refrigeration prior to serving is all I'm saying.)
But it was getting late, and I had to be at court bright and early to make sure that I got a seat to the argument in the morning.
Now, for anyone who has ever complained about hailing a cab in the city, a few words of advice: Don't try to hail one in D.C.
First off their whole "light system" is inconsistent. Cabs with lights on sometimes have people in them, sometimes not -- but you'll only find out which when it whizzes by your lame-ass-standing-by-the-side-of-the-road-with-your-cab-flagging-fingers-out at 40 miles and hour.
It was cold and I was pissed, thus endeth the "D.C. photoblogging."

Kerry Sweeps Bush In Debates

Let's play a game. I'll be President Bush.

Q. Mr. President, why did the chicken cross the road?
A. Because he didn't want to leave no child behind. That's why I pushed for the act, so that our children would have the fundamental right to read.

Q. Mr. President, how many people will it take to change a light bulb?
A. Well, under the no child left behind act we have make sure children have the skills needed to change a light bulb wherever they may find one.

Q. Mr. President, I need a doctor, can you recommend one?
A. Well, under no child left behind, children will learn to read and become doctors.

You get the point: jobs? no child left behind. civil rights? no child left behind! gay marriage? NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND!!!! Women's rights? Minimum Wage? No Child Left Behind. No Child Left Behind. No Child Left Behind. In Spanish now!
I guess, the Bush administration, at a loss to find a domestic policy to be proud of, decided this would be their go-to answer. Funny, for such a central place in the Bush domestic agenda, one wouldn't expect the President to so severely shortcut funding. (Kudos to Kerry for pointing out that funding isn't about percentages, it's about "whether you got the job done!")
Again, on style and substance, I give this one to Kerry.

He didn't win as huge as in the first debate, but certainly by more than in the last debate, helped in large measure because stutter Bush was on the scene again. "I…I…well, nevermind?" And what the hell was that "paygo means you pay and they go and spend it?" Do Republican audiences really laugh at that? The sincerity with which President Bush said that Laura "speaks English betteran me" also made me quite uncomfortable. What does he speak? Dear Lord someone find this man a job where public speaking is not required.

I thought Kerry brought his pretty-close-to-A game.

"The President giving a lecture on fiscal responsibility is a little bit like Tony Soprano talking to me about law and order."

D-YAAMM.

I watched part of the debate at a fundraiser in NYC and that line brought down the house.
Kerry called the President on his bogus Pell Grant numbers and the tired "more of your own money in your pockets" with sharp precision. "You know why [Pell Grant distribution] has gone up? Because more people qualify because they are earning less money."

Boo-ya.

I thought Kerry's answer on the right to choose was terrible, particularly since it was bad last week. One would think they would have worked the kinks out. Instead, the answer got more mangled and incomprehensible. I would have liked to see something along these lines:

Cardinals are galvanizing against you, Senator, what do you say to them?

I say if you want to support the first President that has presided over federal executions in 64 years, go ahead. You want to vote for a man that started a preemptive war on what has turned out to be faulty intelligence, be my freaking guest. But I would hope that the preserving the principles of the Catholic church of faith, justice and love, of making sure the church is a safe place for our children [yeah, buddy] would be more important than getting involved in any one country's politics. Cardinals, like every voting age citizen, have a right to cast a vote for whomever they choose, but our country has a long tradition of the separation of church and state and under my presidency that tradition will continue.

Anything but that meandering, blah blah insert bible quote, invoke John Kennedy, blah blah blah invoke John Kennedy again and we're done.

Kudos to Bob Schaeffer, the questions were pretty good and topical. That flu question was classic! In one of the focus groups that I watched, an undecided voter said "I'm confused, last week he said we couldn't import drugs from Canada because they could kill us, now he is going to import our flu vaccines from there? That's a flip flop."

Zing!

IT'S NOT THE DEATH PENALTY...

But it's a start.

FTC files first suit against spyware companies.

"This may be our first case," said Lydia Parnes, the acting director of the commission's Bureau of Consumer Protection, at a news conference in Washington yesterday. "But it won't be our last."

QUOTE OF THE DAY

I don't know, can you run fast in those little cheerleading outfits?

- John Edwards on who would win a 5 mile race, he or President Bush.

LIES, DAMNED LIES AND WHAT BUSH SAYS

By Paul Krugman

Mr. Bush will talk about the 1.7 million jobs created since the summer of 2003, and will say that the economy is "strong and getting stronger." That's like boasting about getting a D on your final exam, when you flunked the midterm and needed at least a C to pass the course.

Mr. Bush is the first president since Herbert Hoover to preside over a decline in payroll employment. That's worse than it sounds because the economy needs around 1.6 million new jobs each year just to keep up with population growth. The past year's job gains, while better news than earlier job losses, barely met this requirement, and they did little to close the huge gap between the number of jobs the country needs and the number actually available.

Unemployment
Mr. Bush will boast about the decline in the unemployment rate from its June 2003 peak. But the employed fraction of the population didn't rise at all; unemployment declined only because some of those without jobs stopped actively looking for work, and therefore dropped out of the unemployment statistics. The labor force participation rate - the fraction of the population either working or actively looking for work - has fallen sharply under Mr. Bush; if it had stayed at its January 2001 level, the official unemployment rate would be 7.4 percent.

CURRENTLY OBSESSED WITH USHER

In particular the song Confessions Part II:

Now this gon' be the hardest thing I think I ever had to do
Got me talkin' to myself askin' how I'm gon' tell you'
bout that chick on part 1 I told ya'll I was creepin' with, creepin' with
Said she's 3 months pregnant and she's keepin' it
The first thing that came to mind was you
Second thing was how do I know if it's mine and is it true
Third thing was me wishin' that I never did what I did
How I ain't ready for no kid and bye bye to our relationship


Key phrases:

1. "and she's keepin' it"! Damn.
2. "Second thing was how do I know if it's mine" Really? That's the second thing?

Baby realizes he'll have to pay down the Bush deficit. Cries.

NO, NO HE'S NOT

Search engine hit for Clareified:

http://www.google.com/search?q=Is John Edwards evil%3F&hl=en&lr=&start=10&sa=N

FANTASY FOOTBALL

East Coco Beach Rams scored their first victory.

(Although we apologize to the Seahawks for adding them to the roster and no doubt contributing to their first loss this season...)

SHE'S NOT DAWN SUMMERS, BUT SHE PLAYED ONE ON TV



Happy Birthday, Michelle.

THE CASE AGAINST TORT REFORM.

Holla.

UNCLE

I smugly turned off the Yankees game tonight at the end of the seventh. Sure, the stupid Minnesota guy had just been tagged out trying to steal second, but they were comfortably ahead by 4 runs.

What. could. go. wrong.

Well, turns out the devil really does keep his promise when you sell him your soul, because once again the Yankees have inexplicably escaped defeat.

So, I give up.

They can't be beaten.

The Yankees are an unbelieveable, unbeatable force of unstoppable winningness.

Bring on Boston.

Good Night For Democracy

Well, like Karol reports on my behalf, I think finally we have a debate where neither opponent crumpled miserably under the pressure.

Both men showed up and the voters are better off for it. As a Democrat, of course, I think Kerry is better off for it too because given the difference, Kerry is the right choice for America.

Bush is anti-women's choice.
Bush can't name one mistake that he's made.
Bush lines the pockets of the drug companies and the energy lobbyists.
Bush hasn't vetoed a single spending bill in three and a half years.
Bush believes we had to take out Saddam because he was going to give WMD to the terrorists...even though he admits that Saddam didn't have WMD.

Kerry is pro-choice.
Kerry wants a Supreme Court justice who follows the law (did Bush seriously cite Dred Scott?)
Kerry wants to lower health care premiums.
Kerry wants to pay as you go.
Kerry wants to reach for the future through science.
Kerry wants to close corporate loopholes
Kerry, yes, wait for it, has a plan.

For me the choice couldn't be clearer, Kerry, Kerry, Kerry!

BTW, turns out Bush has claimed a money on his tax return from a timber business. I hope the IRS will be investigating his amnesia about that business tonight. Five letter word, starts with an A ends with a T.

Bring on the final round, the real winner of tonight's debate is the American political process.

LICENSE TO SHOOT A BLACK MAN?

Conservatives all across the blogosphere are repeating Mickey Kaus ad nauseum today.

If a man says he has a gun, acts like he has a gun, and convinces everyone around him he has a gun, and starts waving it around and behaving recklessly, the police are justified in shooting him (even if it turns out later he just had a black bar of soap).

I guess if you accept the premise that a decision supposedly made over two years, is comparable to one made in a split second, then you can dismiss criticism of the Iraq war with a shrug of the shoulders and a "well, what can you do? these things happen."

But one blogger goes that one step farther, not only is Bush justified in invading Iraq, while Kaus' policeman shoots the soap bearing maniac, but this is exactly why shooting a black man, in most cases, serves justice. Yes, Scott from Slantpoint has given birth to the "WMD Rage."

How does he see a black man in Kaus' sophomoric hypothetical?

Evidently, in his world only black men run around boasting that they have weapons and wildly threaten the poor cops to the point where they have no option but to shoot him. A good kill, as it were, because "it was tough to be a cop. But in most cases, cops were aquitted, justice served and the use of force overwhelmingly justified. "

As a New Yorker himself, I can only assume that he is thinking of Amadou Diallo, but the facts of that case hardly match the scenario of an out of control black man boasting that he has a gun. Diallo spoke no English and was gunned down in the lobby of his own home. He didn't brandish or boast, he tried to show the cops his identification and prove that he belonged where he was.
41 bullets and 19 gunshot wounds later, he was dead.

Good kill? I guess according to Scott, yes. But not because Diallo was acting recklessly or telling anyone he had a gun, but because he was a black man.

When I was 12 years-old, my entire seventh grade class was herded into the cafeteria of our school and given a 45-minute lecture on what to do when confronted by cops. It was, I believe, lesson 4 in a 12 week series on safety.

Our teachers, a uniformed officer and eighth graders acted out various scenarios.

In a car. On the street. In a dimly lit building. Walking with a group of friends. In a public place. The goal, the officer explained was to make sure "the encounter ended successfully without anyone getting hurt."

But I could see from my teacher's eyes that he meant without me getting hurt and I had better take care of my damn self.

Don't make eye contact, keep your hands visible, don't move without being told, don't challenge the cop's authority, *answer all the officer's questions* (that's right ain't no right to remain silent in the 'hood), don't be disrespectful.

At the time I never thought anything of it, and even years later, Karol told me her Yeshiva had the same course, but now I know that in context of a world where African-American people are disproportinately profiled and African-American neighborhoods are heavily surveilled and nightly images of black suspects dominated the local news, that course is intended to save African-American lives.

Failure to behave the way we were trained on that fateful schoolday, could mean death to a black kid, even if he's just walking away from cops with a chocolate bar in his hand. Or taking a shortcut across a rooftop. Again, neither of those cases involved any bragging of having a gun or acting wildly, but they were black.

So, when someone unnecessarily stamps the black race on a racially neutral description of a rampaging lunatic, I am angered. Cops already have more than enough permission and inclination to use deadly force against black men and they are under enough suspicion without this additional thumbs up to "shooting a black man."

I hope that my children never have to attend training in school on how to "survive an encounter with a police officer," but as long as racist stereotypes continue to poison even discourse on international affairs, that dream will never become a reality.

Erecka Vitrini was right

On the snatch of 'The Tony Danza Show' that I saw, Tony asks his sidekick who would be the next booted. She picked Pamela.
Sure enough, Donald Trump's decision to move Pamela back to the women's team -- as Project Manager no less -- ended in her demise. Why? For the simple reason that when the women were faced with the boardroom for the fourth week in a row, as Ivana put it, they could fire Pamela or fire one of themselves.
No brainer.
Of course, Pamela's "my way or the highway" leadership style didn't do her any favors.
But at least she didn't snivel, as Vitrini had, "oh, please Mr. Trump, don't say it," when her final moment came.
But just to recap, every team led by a female PM this season has lost. And more women than men have been fired.
This morning, Katie Couric opined that the piss poor performance of women this time around spells doom for women in the business-world. Pamela disagreed saying she thought it was just this particular blend of women that didn't get along.
I think they're both wrong.
Last season when the women won the first five or six tasks, everyone complained it was disaster for women in the business-world because they were just using skimpy outfits and sex to beat the men.
Last season, as in this one Carolyn was disappointed in the women and the choices they made. Yes, this from a woman whose job it is to literally "sit down and look pretty." The Apprentice is television, not business. It provides about as much insight into the state of women in corporate America as 'The Bachelor' gives to the process of finding a life-long mate.

TAXI DRIVER

As I do on most nights that find me toiling away in the office, I took the company car home. I slid into the backseat prepared to utter my usual directions home and request for 106.7 on the radio.
My driver was speaking Spanish very loudly.
"Sorry?" I asked peering into the front seat.
"Not you, honey," he replied pointing to his headset.
I can usually tell when my trip home would not go well.
Tonight, was going to suck.
"East Coco Beach please, take the FDR to the tunnel to the Expressway."
"Sure thing....you know what, honey? We're already on the way to the tunnel. It'll take another ten minutes to go all the way over to the FDR. I mean, you're the boss, but I think that would be a waste of time."
"Fine, go straight."
"You sure? I could do FDR easy."
Duuuuuude.
He stayed straight and I relaxed into the seat a bit, maybe I was wrong...
"Yeah, tonight I got me a Nubian in the car."
What the --
"No, loco, a Nubian, like a Nubian Princess from Africa."
He looks back at me, puts his hand over the headset mouthpiece:
"It's my brother. He doesn't know what a Nubian princess is."
Good grief.
"No, man. It's like a black woman. A big beautiful voluptuous black woman. You know, your problem is you like too much white meat, loco. You're like that nigger from Malcolm X. When Malcolm gets out of prison and he is talking to his friend about Islam and his friend is like 'I know, Malcolm, I would do it, but you know, my problem is the white women and pork.'"
He looks back again: "my brother is just like that with the white women, you know?"
Umm.
Nod and smile, Dawn. Nod and smile.
He returned to talking to his brother and I furiously called any and everyone I could think of...voicemail, voicemail...
"Hello"
"HI!!!! How are you?"
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing, I'm just calling to see how you're doing. So, How are you doing? Are you doing okay?"
"Freak. What do you want? You never just call to see how I am..."
Mental note: someone's getting crossed off my Christmas list.
"No, I'm not a freak, I'm just calling to see how..."
I could hear psycho cabbie telling his brother goodbye in the background...
"Hello? Hey, do you have people over? Are you having a party?"
"No, it's my weekly poker game."
"I thought those were on Wednesdays. Why wasn't I invited?"
So off the Christmas list.
"Usually, but I was out of town yesterday, so we moved it. I thought you weren't playing poker anymore"
Damn you, blog!!
"Look, I gotta get back to the game, I'll talk to you tomorrow."
"Umm...wait...," I couldn't very well tell her that she needed to stay on the phone because my driver was freaky, especially since he would overhear that and probably stab me to death...
"OK, bye"
Hmmm....ok, that didn't work out so well...ooh, I know, I'll just surf the net on my Treo.
"After a few minutes of silence, my driver turns around again.
"What're you doing, honey?"
"Surfing the internet."
"On your phone?"
"Yes"
"Damn, what does that cost?"
"Um, well the phone was $600 and..."
"For a phone? What do you do?"
"What?"
"What are you? Like a secretary or something like that?"
"No, I'm a lawyer."
"Oh...you know, I have a question for you."
Here we go.
He starts explaining that he has an MBA from some school in South Jersey and he only drives the car 4 months out of the year. The rest of the time he "runs an overseas business" and would like me to look over "some papers."
I'm all prepared with my usual spiel about how I am not that kind of lawyer/not allowed to do any work unless my company assigns it to me, when the car starts to slow down. The driver pulls over to the curb, hops out and heads for the trunk.
I tried to open the door, but it was locked.
The Lord is My shepard...
A few moments later he opens up the backdoor on the other side of the car.
"Here, can you look at these," he says sliding a box of papers toward me.
"Ummm....I am not a corporate lawyer. I don't know anything about contracts and we probably shouldn't be stopping here."
"Yeah, I know, I got two tickets last week , I can't take another one. Not that I plan on paying them anyway because this ain't my car, so how they going to find me, you know?"
He gets back in the front seat and peels out. The box slams against my leg.
"So, what kind of you lawyer are you?"
Hmm...what kind of lawyer does no one ever need under any circumstances...
"I'm a maritime lawyer. "
"Oh," audibly disappointed.
"No, I need to find out how to open a tax shelter in the cayman islands."
"Sorry, I only handle maritime disputes...between sailors."
"Like, don't ask don't tell stuff?"
Yep, that's right. I only handle maritime disputes between gay sailors...
"You think you can look someone up on your phone for me?"
Umm...
"OK..."
Instead, I quickly send an e-mail out to a friend of mine in LA, hoping that because of the time difference, she would still be at work:

"Help! If you're free for like 20 minutes or so can you call me , so that we can chat about that incredibly important thing until I get home... My cab driver's crazy"

"No, I don't see anything on the internet here, Sir. It doesn't look like I'm getting any ...hold on, I have to take this call..."

Saved!

I talked to real pearatty for a few minutes before we got cut off when the car entered the tunnel, but I proceeded to talk to imaginary pearatty for the rest of the ride until I reached home.

My favorite lines were: "Oh no! What did she do when he got home?" and "I told you Patricia was a lunatic. Ever since her botched nose job, she's been unbearable."

As we pulled up to my front door, I regretfully told my imaginary phone partner that I had reached home and would call her when I got upstairs.
I laughed heartily at the witty comment she made in response.
"You're crazy, girl! I'll talk to you later."
Safely out the cab, I heard the driver mutter something to me through the window. I pretended I couldn't hear, waved goodbye and ducked into my building lobby.
OH. MY. GAWD.
Bottom line?
I can now do boring team all by myself.

LIKE MO ROCCA'S CAREER WASN'T PROOF ENOUGH

Alceste finds more evidence that we live in a strange world.

BEAT THAT WITH A BAT

LINDA VESTER (host): You say you'd rather not talk to liberals at all?

COULTER: I think a baseball bat is the most effective way these days. [FOX News Channel, DaySide with Linda Vester, 10/6]

Dude.

And "they" say my people are violent.

APOCALYPSE. NOW!




Wisconsin station calls election for Bush, three and a half weeks early.


via Atrios.

WE DO NOT HEART D.C.

$215 a night for a hotel room?

Who do they think they are? NYC?

IT'S 2004, PEOPLE

How do you not have an answering machine??? Or Voicemail????

Of course, the worst thing is that I can't even give that message to the intended recipient because he doesn't have a freaking answering machine.

It's like when teachers yell at the students who are there on time about being late and absenteeism.

Sheesh.

******UPDATE*********
I have e-mailed the permalink to this post to non-answering machine having person! HA, try to avoid my messages will you?

*******UPDATE 2*******
Eureka! E-mailing worked and here's the response:
"Huh! Is that me you're mocking up there in your little cyberspace
> ship
> of scorn? Well, I'll have you know I DO have voicemail, so ha! (I also have very slow,
> cheap dial-up, so if you try to call me when I'm online, I get
> totally
> interrupted and disconnected while you don't even get to voicemail,
> but
> that's just a small detail.)

DON'T HATE HIM BECAUSE HE'S BEAUTIFUL




And, yes, I know.

BLOGGING IS HARD...IT'S HARD WORK

I wake up every morning thinking about what to post...trying not to send mixed messages...I mean saying wrong topic, wrong post, wrong blog, what kind of message does that send to my readers? It's hard.

So basically, I got nothing. TV sucked last night. No real politics till tomorrow. Oh, and bitch-ass Lindsay Lohan has a top ten song. (And just to score points for originality it's all about how the media won't leave her alone to just live her life....waaaa poor pathetic, my dad's an alcoholic loser, Lindsay Lohan. And don't even get me started on the Britney Spears remake of Bobby Brown's 'My Perogative.' But let's just say if he kills her, "justification" will be the watchword of the trial.)

The evil Yankees managed to stinking win after all hope was lost...again. Hate them. (Why is it that a runner on second is considered "in scoring position"? Wouldn't that be third base?)

Stupid TNT has put Angel on in the morning opposite Buffy on FX, so now I flip around, not really watching either.

Oooh, John Edwards was on Regis and Kelly this morning. He mocked Cheney, but good. Alas, not enough for a whole post about it.

Then I tried to watch the Tony Danza show. They actually have the sidekick-person (remember the "racist" girl from last season's Apprentice? The one who supposedly called Omarosa the "n word"?) sitting in the audience. Danza prances around on the stage and then occassionally banters with her. "Hey, Vitrini! Who's gonna get fired tonight?"
Blah, blah, blah. Makes you want to give the Magic Johnson show another shot.

OK, enough with the I've got nothing to blog about post.

For more Vice-Presidential fun, see here.

For the best tribute to big girls since Camryn Manheim won her emmy, go here. (via girl I went to high school with.)

AND BY 'MOST TUESDAYS' HE MEANS TWO

And we now know this comment was also untrue: "Now, in my capacity as vice president, I am the president of Senate, the presiding officer. I'm up in the Senate most Tuesdays when they're in session," Cheney said last night. Over at Daily Kos, someone actually checked the Congressional Record (fancy that) and found that Cheney presided over the Senate "a grand total of two times the past four years -- just as many times as Edwards, who also did so twice."

And the Los Angeles Times points out that Cheney rarely sits in the chamber, and usually only to break a tie vote or swear in new senators -- and he also attends the GOP senators' weekly luncheons to discuss party strategy. It turns out that when Cheney visits the Senate, he seems to avoid Democrats. "But only Republicans attend [the luncheons]," the Times says, "and Cheney usually breezes into the building, goes to the meeting, then leaves without hobnobbing with Democrats. In fact, Cheney was teased by Sen. Patrick J. Leahy (D-Vt.) for only associating with Republicans when, in an encounter on the Senate floor, Cheney cursed at Leahy."

Somebody get this man a fire extinguisher...and quick!!

********UPDATE********

Karol says "maybe he was there and nobody saw him." Yes, Cheney is presiding over the Senate from an undisclosed location!

NOW THAT SHE'S GETTING 1500 HITS A DAY...

I can say, woo, Karolanche!

And woo, the Yankees lost!

But that's mostly for her brother.

Actually, five years was enough

According to my "Find Your Top Spot" Quiz, I am best suited to live in New Haven, CT.

The other choices are:


Providence, Rhode Island New England’s Best Kept Kept Secret
This Rhode Island spot is the home of the award-winning flaming sculpture WaterFire, installed on the three rivers of downtown...

Population: 955,500 | Average Home Price: $190,000 | Precipitation: 48" | Snow: 32"



Las Cruces, New Mexico City of the Sun
Don Juan de Oñate explored this sunny spot in 1598 while searching for the mythical Seven Cities of Gold…

Population: 74,000 | Average Home Price: $129,000 | Precipitation: 9" | Snow: 6"



Sacramento, California The River City
This state capital is the oldest incorporated city in California…

Population: 1,628,000 | Average Home Price: $224,000 | Precipitation: 17" | Snow: 0"



Little Rock, Arkansas Where America Comes Together
All Maybelline products distributed in the U.S. are made in this fashion-conscious spot…

Population: 584,000 | Average Home Price: $150,000 | Precipitation: 48" | Snow: 5"



Las Vegas, Nevada Entertainment Capital of the World
Ladies' Home Journal called this one of its Best Cities for Women, citing skyrocketing job growth and shriveling crime rates…

Population: 1,408,000 | Average Home Price: $220,000 | Precipitation: 5" | Snow: 1"



Long Beach, California LA’s Ocean Playground
Thanks in part to the introduction of the Pacific Electric Trolley, this spot became the fastest growing city in America in 1902…

Population: 462,000 | Average Home Price: $350,000 | Precipitation: 12" | Snow: 0"



Oakland, California East Bay Living
The area around this now-famous city was once owned by Don Luis Peralta, a Spanish soldier granted the land to help settle and secure it.

Population: 2,392,000 | Average Home Price: $375,000 | Precipitation: 18" | Snow: 0"



Hartford, Connecticut The Insurance Capital
This Connecticut city is home to America's oldest State House, oldest public art museum, and oldest continuously published newspaper...

Population: 1,183,000 | Average Home Price: $155,000 | Precipitation: 41" | Snow: 42"



Worcester, Massachusetts The Heart of the Commonwealth
This city at the heart of New England is home to the EcoTarium, a science center for all ages…

Population: 502,500 | Average Home Price: $215,000 | Precipitation: 48" | Snow: 45"



Baltimore, Maryland The Sparkling Harbor City
This Atlantic seaboard city is home to the National Aquarium…

Population: 4,750,000 | Average Home Price: $215,000 | Precipitation: 40" | Snow: 18"



New Orleans, Louisiana The Crescent City
This Creole city hosts a Jambalaya Festival and a Shrimp Festival each year…

Population: 1,340,000 | Average Home Price: $185,000 | Precipitation: 57" | Snow: 0"



San Diego, California California’s First City
This highly livable city is home to one of the finest zoos in the world…

Population: 2,813,000 | Average Home Price: $375,000 | Precipitation: 9" | Snow: 0"



Orange County, California Live The California Dream
Home to 42 miles of sandy beaches and some of California's best known attractions, this spot boasts great surfing, sunning, and sailing…

Population: 2,846,000 | Average Home Price: $400,000 | Precipitation: 12" | Snow: 0"



Baton Rouge, Louisiana The Cajun Capital
This town was named after the red stick its founder saw on a bluff overlooking the Mississippi River…

Population: 603,000 | Average Home Price: $138,500 | Precipitation: 61" | Snow: 0"



Honolulu, Hawaii America’s Tropical Paradise
This state capital has long been an important port city; its name is Hawaiian for "protected bay"…

Population: 876,000 | Average Home Price: $445,000 | Precipitation: 23" | Snow: 0"



Portland, Oregon City of Roses
This Oregon city has the nation's largest forested municipal park, the aptly-named Forest Park…

Population: 1,573,000 | Average Home Price: $196,000 | Precipitation: 36" | Snow: 5"



Boston, Massachusetts America’s Walking City
Here in "America's Walking City," you can stroll down to famous Franklin Park for the annual Kite Festival...

Population: 3,400,000 | Average Home Price: $365,000 | Precipitation: 43" | Snow: 41"



San Jose, California The Silicon Capital
This city is home to Lou's Living Donut Museum, a combination donut shop and museum with tours and a secret recipe...

Population: 895,000 | Average Home Price: $475,000 | Precipitation: 16" | Snow: 0"



San Francisco, California The Golden Gate City
The towers of this city's Golden Gate Bridge are purposely out of alignment in order to compensate for the curvature of the earth...

Population: 1,731,000 | Average Home Price: $490,000 | Precipitation: 21" | Snow: 0"



Medford, Oregon Gateway to the Pacific Northwest
This gorgeous spot boasts the West's only operating water-powered grist mill, located on the banks of Little Butte Creek since 1872…

Population: 63,000 | Average Home Price: $166,000 | Precipitation: 19" | Snow: 8"



Corvallis, Oregon Heart of the Willamette Valley
This Oregon city hosts "da Vinci Days," a festival of unique events revolving around art, science and technology...

Population: 50,000 | Average Home Price: $185,000 | Precipitation: 43" | Snow: 6"



Albuquerque, New Mexico The Pulse of New Mexico
This city's International Balloon Fiesta features 850 hot air balloons each October…

Population: 450,000 | Average Home Price: $163,000 | Precipitation: 8" | Snow: 15"



Danbury, Connecticut Small-Town Charm Near the Big Apple
Zadoc Benedict began making beaver hats here in 1780, starting this Connecticut town's important hat industry...

Population: 75,000 | Average Home Price: $280,000 | Precipitation: 39" | Snow: 50"

HUNGRY DOGS: 3; Owners: 0

Dog eats 5-week-old baby.

TO THE VICTOR BELONGS THE SPOILS

John Edwards did looked great last night.
I can't say who won because I didn’t really see the debate.
I spent most of the ninety minutes with my hands clamped over my face and groaning in pain at the answers.
Occassionally, I would hear my mom yelling "he was a trial lawyer? How did he get any clients?" in the background.
Thankfully, it seems that Dick Cheney managed to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory with his now debunked "I never met John Edwards until tonight" line.
He did.
There are pictures.
In Spanish now: hay fotos.
Also, his "I never connected Iraq and 9/11" and inability to explain Halliburton's continued dealings with Iran have been repeatedly criticized on all the morning shows.
So, with one network giving the debate to Edwards, another to Cheney, it looks like a wash.
If the "Cheney is a big old liar" sticks, then challk up a narrow Edwards win.
Of course, I would have liked to see him win more decisively.
Like when Cheney says "we dropped five million from the federal income tax rolls," I wanted Edwards to say "yeah, because they've lost their jobs altogether. I don’t think unemployment was the kind of tax relief the American people had in mind."
On gay marriage I wanted him to hammer that this President is the first to propose putting discrimination into the constitition since African-American people were counted as three quarters of a person.
Finally, on Cheney's I'd do Iraq the same if I had to do it again, he should have said: finally I agree with the Vice President. If he and Mr. Bush are re-elected, all we'll get is more of the same.
As it was, he got some good shots in about Cheney's hypocrisy, the economic picture and his "a long resume doesn’t mean good judgment." (But come on, no response for Senator Gone? How about: How about all the names the editorial pages all across this country have given you, Mr. Vice President? I'm sure we can agree that sometimes editorial levy unfair criticisms, unless you really are Darth Vader.)
When all is said and done, the ultimate winner of the debate was probably Hillary Clinton.

DOG EATS OWNER'S PENIS

Why was old man cooking naked?


For those keeping track:

Hungry dogs: 2

Human owners: 0

Dear Jessica,



Next time Evil Secretary attacks, you know how to respond.

OFFICE WARFARE

DID IOCASTE GET A NEW BLOG?

If, at tonight's "debate", when Edwards is asked, "How do you believe your career as a trial lawyer affects your approach to government?", he doesn't answer, "What the fuck kind of question is that, Gwen? What the fuck are you implying? Holy fuck, have you even looked at the cases I've tried? Doesn't the press do any actual goddamn research on, say, Lexis-Nexis or even fuckin' Google? Or maybe my fuckin' book? My legal career was based on helping individuals dicked over by the very kind of corporate and government culture this evil motherfucker across this stupid ass table has fostered. And don't you fuckin' gimme that stroke victim smirk, Dick, or I'll come across and start shovin' aluminum tubes up your ass, all 60,000 of 'em, one anodized tube at a goddamn time. Then, with all those tubes up your ass, you can tell me, tell all of us, if they feel like centrifuge tubes or just plain ol' rocket tubes...

Just askin'

Seriously though, I have no idea what to expect from tonight's debate, but Edwards is Hottie Mc Awesome Smile and he should work his mojo so that Gwen asks him what all of us really want to know. Namely, favorite color, favorite food, favorite song, how serious is this thing with Elizabeth, where he'll be everyday until election day and of course, the age-old boxers or briefs.

According to Ken, Dick is the favorite among men who are into that kind of thing.

Not. That. There's. Anything. Wrong. With. That.