Clareified

I HOPE THEY'RE PAYING CHILD SUPPORT

Who knew Karol and Snaps Wheaton were so fertile?

QUOTE OF THE DAY

Vote for Freddy Ferrer: He's not like Mike. He's more like you.

Why he isn't plastering that slogan everywhere, I'll never know.

MOM SAYS ALITO IS AGAINST ABORTION

Meanwhile, if I were nominated for the Supreme Court and some reporter showed up to my mom's door asking questions about my views, she'd tell them to leave her the hell alone.

RANDOM THOUGHT

You know, not everybody has a body like you.

KAROL'S GIVING AWAY FREE AD SPACE FOR ANYTHING AT ALL

I think the first one to comment on her top post wins the last spot.

Of course, for the right price someone could also have my free ad space for the week. Place bids in comment section.

QUICK QUESTIONS

Anybody else working late to avoid being annoyed by trick or treaters?

Huh. Is that the first step to curmudgeonhood or one of the middle steps?

RUSSIA WATCH

Putin hints he may pull a Giuliani.

UMMM...CLASSIC HOMER SIMPSON PART DEUX

A pastor performing a baptism was electrocuted inside his church Sunday morning when he adjusted a nearby microphone while standing in water, a church employee said.

The Rev. Kyle Lake, 33, was stepping into the baptistery as he reached out for the microphone, which produced an electric shock, said University Baptist Church community pastor Ben Dudley.

Not funny. Stop it, with the laughing. Bad.

HOW WOULD YOU PLAY IT?

My wacky last hand of the night has been replaying in my head all morning:

I'm dealt pocket eights in early position.

I raise four times the BB.

Ugarte, on the button (I think...) calls.

Ron Lad (Karol's brother) goes all-in for a little more than four dollars.

He had been playing crazy all night (calling my pocket sevens with like 86o) and I think he wanted to go home.

So, I think long and hard, but make the call.

Unfortunately, I did all my long and hard thinking out loud, so Ugarte also calls.

D'oh.

Flop comes rainbow J 10 and one undercard...maybe a four.

I check, button checks.

Another J comes on the turn.

I check.

Ugarte thinks and thinks and then bets out a quarter of the pot.

I am so about to fold when something --- I think F-train calls it poker sense -- tells me not to fold. Everything about the bet seemed designed to get me to fold.

But I know I can't call...so, I stare straight at my chips and announce I'm all in.

I watch Ugarte count out the chips...then make like he was gonna fold...then go back to the chips...I can't really tell if he had anything or he was on a draw, so I didn't know if I was rooting for a call or a fold.

Finally, he annouces that he doesn't think I have it and that he thinks his threes are good. He tosses in his call.

I flip my eights sooo fast!

Ron Lad moans "No...Daaawwwn," and dejectedly turns over sevens.

Ugarte shows his threes and it's all about that last river card!

THIS IS CLASSIC HOMER SIMPSON

A woman helping her husband launch his hot-air balloon was critically injured when her leg got caught in a rope and she was pulled up into the air and fell through the roof of a barn.

Kathleen J. Long, 53, of Phillipsburg, was in critical condition Monday morning at St. Luke's Hospital in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. The accident happened Sunday in Bethlehem Township, New Jersey.

It was not clear how Long's leg got caught in the rope. Witnesses say she dangled from it for a short time and passed through several tree tops before she was knocked off.

She then fell about 50 feet and crashed through the barn roof, officials said.

So...it's ok to laugh right?

WELL, HE'S NO MIERS

I've got to oppose this nomination on principle.

Even if he's confirmed, it warms my heart that he'll forever know he was runner up to Harriet Miers.

NOTE TO SELF

An A 2 3 4 5 makes a straight, no matter what order they come in.

On the upside, I've so got pot odds down.

THE CAPITOL GHOULDING

Congress does Halloween right, greeting visitors with a dead body and casket.

UMMM...CAN YOU GUYS STOP THE BUSH INDICTMENT TALK

The alternatives aren't that great.

SURPRISE, SUPRISE, I WAS WRITING ABOUT TV WATCHING

5th line of 23rd post meme:

All of the TV watching was, frankly, getting in the way of my ... well, TV watching.

"Miss Match" and "Lyon's Den" HA! I think both Alicia Silverstone and Rob Lowe have had several failed shows since then.

NOT SO RANDOM THOUGHT...

Will Harriet Miers still be in charge of finding a Supreme Court nominee?

Was this whole nomination thing a ploy to get all the Senate questions for the real nominee before his/her hearings?

SCOOTER LIBBY INDICTED!..ROVE...BLAH...BLAH...BLAH

See? This is what happens when you bombard the airwaves for ten days with speculation...now, I could care less. Thanks a lot.

Iocaste, on the other hand, is looking for seven more days of indictments.

Anyway, wake me when the jury verdict comes down.

WOO

My apartment appraised for five thousand dollars more than the sale price!

On a related note, pearatty, can you remind the little red haired girl to send me that booklet?

TRI-STATE AREA HIT WITH MAPLE SYRUP SMELL

But no pancakes. Oh, the humanity.

It was weird though, I stripped my whole bed, thinking that somehow syrup had gotten on my sheets. Finding nothing, I assumed I was having one of those brain things that makes you smell smells that aren't there right before you have a stroke.

RUNNING OUT OF PATIENCE

There'd better be some indictments tomorrow or I'm gonna be pissed.

And not of people I've never heard of either.

There'd better be some good indictments of lots of big powerful people or...and really, I could go either way, all the political writers, reporters and commenters should kill themselves in a mass suicide.

Either way, no more of this "expected" "sources close" speculative nonsense.

Donald Trump has totally fired me up.

APPRENTICE BLOGGING

HOE-LEE MOTHER OF ----

Dude. Dude. DUDE! Whatever else you may say about him, The Donald gives good television.

I hope Martha was watching the last five minutes of tonight's Apprentice. That is how you make America give a crap about who you hire.

I don't want to watch you ask candidates why they want to work for you.

I want you to make people fight and claw each other's eyes out and when they're done--- crush them.

I love that whenever someone says "you don't have to worry" to someone on the Apprentice, they are inevitably fired.

Oh, that was the best cabride away from the suite EVER!!

And demerits from the Martha Apprentices for not once referring to Amanda Sorvino as "Paul's not famous daughter whats-her-name-again."

Jim gets more delicious every week.

What? So, we've got to go for the thrilling Ivy league football?

Yale curtails drinking and tailgates at this year's Game.

Brian Ameche, a 1975 graduate and former defensive end, said: "Unless you have a personal interest in the game — you're a former player or you have a child who's playing — it's as much about the tailgating as it is about the game of football."

Honey, while we're here, we might as well pick up a sister for Maddox

Jolie scours the globe, looking for children.

"It's a very special thing," the 30-year-old actress told People magazine at the recent Worldwide Orphans Foundation benefit in Manhattan. "There's something about making a choice, waking up and traveling somewhere and finding your family."

Nutjob.

ANYONE ELSE WILLING TO PAY THREE GRAND TO MEET OPRAH?

Anyone? Anyone? Helloooooo?

Sigh.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

Don't open while drinking water.

via the not considerate enough to give me the same warning Iocaste

THE POWER OF PRICE COMPELS ME

I almost didn’t post about Tuesday’s poker game at Ugarte’s. But the phrase “When you describe my place, can you please use ‘messy,’ instead of ‘dirty’” kept prodding me to share it with the blogosphere. Especially considering that the cleanliness of Ugarte’s place didn’t even register in list of first impressions. (Besides, as I told him, I could see the floor, which pretty much makes him a neat freak in my book.)
I walked to Ugarte’s apartment alone, despite seeing F-train in the subway station. Boy is he spry.
I called to him at the turnstiles, but he was already at street level, around the corner and on an elevator up to Ugarte’s apartment before he even noticed my presence.
He must be on drugs.
En route I noticed the “Key Food,” the bodegas, and a liquor store! Who knew Ugarte lived in the ghetto?
Walking inside was a whole other story.
Wow!
A split level apartment with a patio on the roof! Ugarte lives just like the Drummonds...if their penthouse was also in the ghetto.
F-train and I volunteered to get beer and snacks for the game after Ugarte started pulling out 2 liter bottles of cobweb covered “New Cokes” and bottles of florescent green liquids that had lost their labels. “I think this one is Sprite,” might have been the last straw.
When F-train said “we” would go to the store, he evidently meant me and his ten dollar bill.
I decided to hit the Key Food, since I left the apartment without proof of my age, and I knew the grocery wouldn’t ask any questions. Turns out, the grocery store doesn’t sell beer. Well, the liquor store was right next door. While I anticipated some prodding to get the liquor store guy to sell me the beer, I did not anticipate the liquor store not selling beer. (I hereby nominate them for an Inigo.) Cold and wet, I decided to take one last shot at beer getting. The bodega. And yes, ladies and gentleman, in the hood you can’t get beer at the liquor store, but you can get beer at the candy store. (Insert NBC’s “the more you know” rainbow).
When I came back, the game that was “promptly” starting at 7:30 was still not underway. In fact, it was almost eight and still only F-train and Ugarte were there. They seemed to be busying themselves making care packages of humor magazines for friends and family who are, respectively in prison and the army. I figured having just braved the elements, I would be rewarded for my largesse.
“It’s 8 o’clock! Time for Gilmore Girls,” I said skipping to the television.
(Oh yeah, if you were wondering what that groaning sound you heard on Tuesday around eight, it was Ugarte and F-train.)
After making some flimsy excuse about disruptions in the narrative continuity of Gilmore, we ended up watching the World Series of Poker, until Joaquin arrived around 9:00. I remember the time because it was right when the Ugarte started recording “My name is Earl.” Sure, he claims it was his brother who had actually set the recording, but he had no one to blame for the fact that we couldn’t watch poker anymore because the Tivo was also recording the Amazing Race on CBS.
The four of us sat around, making inappropriate jokes about the guy at the World Series with no arms and then fighting about who was going to hell for it faster. Ironically, Ugarte won despite being Jewish and not believing in hell. Or was it because he is Jewish and doesn’t believe in hell? I can’t now recall.
Since I was going to be in Brooklyn, I told my mom I would be home around 9:30. Game starts at 7:30... two hours of poker on a Tuesday night should be enough...so imagine my surprise when she called at 9:30 asking where I was, that we hadn’t even played a hand yet.
“Look, we might as well start,” I suggested when I got off the phone with a very annoyed Joyce Summers.
“You want to play four handed?” F-train said salivating just a little bit too much for my comfort.
“Umm...yeah...”
He promptly whips out a rubberbanded wad of bills and peels off a twenty.
“OK!”
Mommy.
About half an hour later, another player joined our ranks. F-train earned the name “Spanky” early on for his penchant for making retarded calls and winning. Case in point.
UTG raises to three times the big blind, I call, it folds around to F-train, who then re-raises to like ten times the big blind. UTG re-raises all-in. I take one last look at my pocket fours before throwing them away.
F-train smiles and says “Oh, well...I have to call...the power of Christ compels me.”
He calls and turns over 2 bleeping 7. The other guy has Big Slick (AK).
The flop comes J 8 3 rainbow.
The turn is a 9.
And of course, you know what comes on the river.
2.
F-train wins and UTG has an aneurysm.
(I would also like to point out that my pocket fours would have so won. Bleepers.)
UTG then commented on how stupid F-train's "power of Christ" thing was. "Power of Christ? I thought you were saying "the power of price compels you...at least, that would have been clever."
I don't think F-train heard him though -- he had a lot of chips to restack.
Later in the night, when we all thought he was on the brink of elimination – F-train would double up through the UTG again, when the guy went all-in with top pair, but F-train had flopped the nut straight.
I too flopped a nut straight, but got no action when I overbet the pot.
Actually, no action was pretty much the theme of my night.
I flopped the nuts with four players in the hand, when the board came AA6. I checked my full house behind the other three players. After the turn, Joaquin made the minimum bet, I smooth called. The other two players dropped out. Joaquin checked the river and I made a small bet. He asked me how much I had left --- the Star Spangled banner was going off in my head --- he measured out the chips...and then folded.
:(.
Stupid reads.
Oooh...speaking of reads – brother of Ugarte is totally my new poker crush.
UTG, he raises to something like a million times the big blind, everyone folds, except for the BB, who re-raises to like two million times the big blind. BoU calls.
The flop comes Q 5 6 rainbow. BB checks. BoU put in eighty percent of his stack.
BB, who was Ugarte actually, reraises to put his brother all-in.
After a few minutes, his brother folds his pocket kings face up.
Duuuuudde. Why do you fold that hand with three undercards on the board???
Ugarte showed pocket queens.
Oh. I see. That’s why.
We lost the guy with the aneurysm for good when his pocket queens went up against Joaquin's Big Slick and Joaquin turned a fullhouse. I wonder if Ugarte has finished repairing the fist sized hole in his wall.
All in all, good time was had by all...except the guy with the aneurysms and now, broken hand.
I learned lots of new phrases, Anna Kournikova (if you’re thinking that would be the AK...you’d be wrong) , gutterball, and jopke.

UPDATE:

I didn't know Joaquin had a blog-- but he does and also posted about the game:

Big Hand #1: F-Train pushes with DA HAMMA (as Boston folk say) and is up against A-K…of course, in the blogger mind set...this is a great call by F-Train. No one hits until the RIO. Guess who hit? Yep, F-Train hit the big 2 on the river. Talk about fishing for a card, but in bloggers minds: Never question the power of DA HAMMA!

Ooooh, oooh that's me, that's me:

Another hand was against Dawn. She flopped the NUTZ against my two pairs and she was playing it sneaky. She checked all the way down and I was thinking…I could probably steal here if I push. After thinking and thinking I folded…I knew I heard the Star Spangled Banner going off somewhere in the distance…too bad it wasn’t in my head as my two pairs were dead.

MIERS WITHDRAWS HER NOMINATION TO THE SUPREME COURT

Ok...is anyone else terrified about who is coming next?

In a letter to the president, Ms. Miers wrote that the confirmation process would have presented "a burden for the White House and our staff that is not in the best interest of the country."

She said that she had resisted surrendering internal documents, including legal advice to the president, because to do so would have interfered with the independence of the Executive Branch.

"Protection of the prerogatives of the Executive Branch and continued pursuit of my nomination are in tension," she wrote. "I have decided that seeking my confirmation should yield."

WOW.WOW.WOW

Awesome episode of Gilmore Girls yesterday!!

"You'll have to give him a sweater." HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

Wow. I cannot believe that Ugarte and F-train made me wait until today to see it.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

Malkin is either a booger or a blogger, but not a blooger...

-Alceste, who apparently is back to blooging himself. That's right. I said blooging.

WHAT'S A GIRL TO DO?

My liberal Democrat union-loving mother will be voting for Mike Bloomberg come November 8th; my conservative Republican law and order "we should put a bullet hole in Osama's head when we find him" friend will be voting for Freddy Ferrer.

A longer post will follow, work crushes me at the moment, but in the meantime:
WHAT. THE. HELL?

Discuss amongst yourselves.

Conservative Blooger All A Twitter Over Condi Photo

Michelle Malkin goes positively Sherlock on USA Today.

On Malkin reader breathlessly writes:

My first degree was an AA from the Colorado Institute of Art, and I have been using Photoshop for 10 years. That photo of Condi was deliberately manipulated.

One of your readers (Pete) suggested that it may have been the result of misuse of the Unsharp Mask filter. Not so. I copied the real photo of Condi to my desktop and put it through several iterations of the Unsharp Mask filter in Photoshop 5.5. No matter how absurd I made the settings (300%, 7 pixel radius, 1 pixel threshold), I could not duplicate what was done.

USA today has apparently taken the photo of the Secretary of State off the website.

Man, imagine if the conservative blogosphere would use their investigative prowess to uncover the truth about the Niger uranium documents...or Miers' Supreme Court application.

via Jake

MIKE PIAZZA WISHES THIS WERE TRUE

"The talk about the WNBA being full of lesbians is not true," Swoopes says. "There are as many straight women in the league as there are gay. What really irritates me is when people talk about football, baseball and the NBA, you don't hear all of this talk about the gay guys playing. But when you talk about the WNBA, then it becomes an issue. Sexuality and gender don't change anyone's performance on the court."

Swoopes on the court and out of the closet.

via Robert George

IS IT BECAUSE THEY KNOW NO ONE PAYS TO READ THE EDITORIALS?

Times writes an article about the Times editorial board endorsing Mike Bloomberg for re-election.

via Dawn who never blogs so much as when she has three hours to finish a brief via Iocaste

QUOTE OF THE DAY

Jason's back to blogging and wins today's honors for one of his meme answers:

17. When do you know it’s love?
In my case either when the girl has no interest in me or is completely insane.

Me too, well, if by "has no interest in me" he means "is gay, very, very gay."

POLITBURO DIKTAT TACKLES LIFE'S BIG QUESTIONS...

Mommy...where do blogs come from?

If you had or have a blog, go help him out.

via Ken Wheaton

HOOOOOOOOOOOOLY CRAAAAAAAAP

Plame leak special investigator broadens scope of inquiry to underlying forged WMD documents.

The CIA leak inquiry that threatens senior White House aides has now widened to include the forgery of documents on African uranium that started the investigation, according to NAT0 intelligence sources.
This suggests the inquiry by special prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald into the leaking of the identity of undercover CIA officer Valerie Plame has now widened to embrace part of the broader question about the way the Iraq war was justified by the Bush administration.

Are we gonna have an impeachment hearing every second term from now on?

via Robert George

ROSA PARKS DEAD AT 92

May she be sitting in the front of that great big bus in the sky.

WHAT IS GOING ON AT THE TIMES?

There are junior high schools with less sniping and backstabbing than this place.

I fail to see why I am responsible for my editors’ alleged failure to do some “digging” into my confidential sources and the notebooks. From the start, the legal team that the Times provided me knew who my source was and had access to my notes. I never refused to answer questions or provide any information they requested. No one indicated they had doubts about the stand I took to go to jail. Your essay clearly implies that the Times and I did something wrong in waging a battle that we did not choose. I strongly disagree. What did I do wrong? Your essay does not say.

You may disapprove of my earlier reporting on Weapons of Mass Destruction. But what did the delayed publication of the editor’s note on that reporting have to do with the decision I made over a year later, which the paper fully supported, to protect our confidential sources? I remain proud of my decision to go to jail rather than reveal the identity of a source to whom I had pledged confidentiality, even if he happened to work for the Bush White House. The Times asked me to assume a low profile in this controversy. I told everyone that I had no intention of airing internal editorial policy disputes and disagreements at the paper, as a matter of principle and loyalty to those who stood by me during this ordeal.

Others have chosen a different path, ironically becoming “confidential sources” themselves.

FINALLY!

A watchable 'Desperate Housewives.' Though, I kinda wish Bree had done something more wicked with Rex.

And...Felicity Huffman?? Whoa.

BECAUSE ALCESTE THINKS HE'S SOOOOO SMART

Advanced Dawn Summmers: Not for the faint of heart!


Don't miss the beginner quiz!

ME TOO!



I love post secret.

I DERIDE YOUR TRUTH HANDLING ABILITIES

The truth is I've always wanted to be one of those people for whom the phrase "the truth is" evokes sincerity of emotion, frankness of expression and then causes them to, well, tell the truth.
But no, not me.
For me, the phrase "the truth is" means one thing and one thing only -- a lie is coming, and not just any lie -- a really, really big lie.
Like..."Actually, the truth is, it doesn't matter to me what you do. I mean, every lawyer I know totally hates it cause it's not that great. So...are you responsible for stacking all the boxes at Home Depot -- or do you have like a particular section? "

Or..."The truth is I kid around about loving money and stuff...but obviously the most important things in life can't be measured in dollars. I mean, family, friends, health...fresh air,puppies...that's the stuff that's really important."

Oh and then there's my favorite:
"Nooo...the truth is I don't hold grudges. What a waste of time. Someone does something to you, it's best to confront them right away, resolve it and let it go. It's very unhealthy to cling to past wrongs. Am I right?"

Indeed, "the truth is" is like an alarm that goes off whenever I detect that I've unintentionally offended someone or sense that disapproving horror which tends to greet me when I actually share what I'm really thinking with strangers.

Ahh...I can't count the number of times that phrase, coupled with a meaningful nod of the head has extricated me from an awkward social situation.

Uh oh...maybe I shouldn't have exposed my own secret in such a public way...

Okay, I take it back...the truth is I am just kidding. Slow blog day and all that.

Whew.

A POKER LESSON DAWN LEARNED ON THE BUS TONIGHT

Never assume you're going to win enough for a cab ride home.

FINALLY! A QUIZ ALL ABOUT DAWN

I mean me.

Post your scores in the comment section!

Take my Quiz on QuizYourFriends.com!

Oh, and since there hasn't been a good meme in a while, I'm also tagging Ari, Karol, Ginger and Gib to post their own quizzes.

Heh.

Woooo.

MOM PLEADS NOT GUILTY TO DROWNING THREE KIDS

"Your honor, the San Francisco bay drowned those children. I just threw them in."

PHIL GORDON CAN BUST ME ANYTIME

But if it's with 83o, I will have to kick his ass.

I COULD SWEAR THIS WAS ON TUESDAY'S 'GILMORE GIRLS'

Quaint Connecticut town changes moves to change its street name.

And like Tuesday's Gilmore Girls, all I want to do is smack them.

Dr. Kopeloff said the naughty association of the street name never really bothered him until his neighbors noted that it might hurt property values. "That made me change my mind," he said.

Echoing other mothers, another resident, Jane Olenchuk, said both of her children had been taunted at school. "My son's a skater, and the kids at the park always say, 'Dude, you must be kidding,' when he tells them where he lives," she said.

From the passenger side of her mother's van, another resident, 12-year-old Rebecca Schreff, fairly whispered, "The kids at school always tease me about it."

Waaaa, my very plush, rich street has a funny name and people snicker at me. Fine change the street name, you're last names are still gonna be Olenchuk and Schreff.

Doofs.

THIS WOULD BE FUNNY, IF IT WASN'T REAL

Senator Non Grata returned to the floor later in the day, this time to suggest shifting $223 million from the infamous "bridge to nowhere" in Alaska to a bridge over Lake Pontchartrain that was damaged by Hurricane Katrina. Alaska's alleged Republican Lisa Murkowski responded that the very idea of refusing to spend $4.5 million per each of the 50 residents on Alaska's Gravina Island -- so that they would no longer have to take a seven-minute ferry -- was, well, "offensive." As we went to press last night, the vote on this amendment was still being tallied, but you already know how it turned out.

The rest of the editorial is pretty amusing too.

THE SOUND OF DAWN'S NECK SNAPPING...

Something like the sound of the newscaster's voice saying that Michael Jackson had been called for jury duty in Santa Barbara, but expects to be exempted because he now lives in the Middle Eastern nation of Bahrain.

Yah. That's right:

The singer, 46, is not planning to argue he is too well known, or too weird, to sit in judgment of one of his peers. Instead, his lawyers plan to say that he is now a full-time resident of Bahrain. Mr Jackson has spent much time recently as a house guest of Bahrain's crown prince, Sheikh Salman ibn Hamed Khalifa, and passed little or no time at his Neverland ranch.

Well, now looks like at least one of his kids will get to legally wear those head scarves.*

The editors of this blog officially plead 'American' to any charges that we have mischaracterized laws or life in Bahrain.

APPRENTICE BLOGGING

Did 'The Donald' say "motion picture show"? Dude. 2005. Look into it.

FYI: If anyone says "Dawn, meet me at Grand Army Plaza," I will be on the number 2 train to Brooklyn. That was clearly Central Park West, nerf.

Ahhh, great moments in television history:

Kristi: You're intimidated bah me.
Jen: No, you're intimidated by me.
Kristi: No, I'm not.
Jen: Yes, you are.
Kristi: Nu uh
Jen: Yah huh

Sigh...and over on that other televised display of female management, Apprentice: MS, did she sidestep the PM for the second week in a row?

Martha, Martha, Martha, it's not about firing the right person, it's about firing anyone and liking it.
That's the charm of the construct. So, let the PMs pick whoever they want to bring in, don't recall a whole team so you can get the right person or decide that based on the discussion you only need to see two people...for shame.

Oh, yeah...I've been totally wracking my brain...was Kelly Perdue Apprentice after Bill? Who is the current Apprentice? A woman? How many Apprentices have there been? And why does only Bill get the guest spots?

NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS WITH THE MIERS NOMINATION...

We can thank our lucky stars that this nutjob never made it on the Court. (Ahhh, remember when we had a Democratic Senators who knew how to crush a judicial nomination and keep it crushed?) Although, as far as shots at Miers goes, Bork's got some good ones:

There is, to say the least, a heavy presumption that Ms. Miers, though undoubtedly possessed of many sterling qualities, is not qualified to be on the Supreme Court. It is not just that she has no known experience with constitutional law and no known opinions on judicial philosophy. It is worse than that. As president of the Texas Bar Association, she wrote columns for the association's journal. David Brooks of the New York Times examined those columns. He reports, with supporting examples, that the quality of her thought and writing demonstrates absolutely no "ability to write clearly and argue incisively."

The administration's defense of the nomination is pathetic: Ms. Miers was a bar association president (a nonqualification for anyone familiar with the bureaucratic service that leads to such presidencies); she shares Mr. Bush's judicial philosophy (which seems to consist of bromides about "strict construction" and the like); and she is, as an evangelical Christian, deeply religious. That last, along with her contributions to pro-life causes, is designed to suggest that she does not like Roe v. Wade, though it certainly does not necessarily mean that she would vote to overturn that constitutional travesty.

There is a great deal more to constitutional law than hostility to Roe. Ms. Miers is reported to have endorsed affirmative action. That position, or its opposite, can be reconciled with Christian belief. Issues we cannot now identify or even imagine will come before the court in the next 20 years. Reliance upon religious faith tells us nothing about how a Justice Miers would rule. Only a commitment to originalism provides a solid foundation for constitutional adjudication. There is no sign that she has thought about, much less adopted, that philosophy of judging.

Sneak peek at the submission Miers gave to the Senate. (via Robert Novak George)

NOT THAT I'M COUNTING...

But I haven't played poker in 12 days. However am I going to kick all their arses on Sunday without practice?

SO NOT FAIR

US Senator wins $842,000 in Powerball lottery.

On the other hand, Katie Couric won nothing and owes Matt Lauer $18 for her losing tickets.

NOT SO RANDOM THOUGHT

You can hum and bob your head all you want to your ipod tunes, but know, the minute -- nay the very second --- that you get any feet or arm moves going, someone you know will appear from the ether to say "Dawn? Heeey, what're you up to?"

EVERYTHING ALWAYS WORKS OUT FOR ROGER CLEMENS

Houston will face Angels White Sox (dude, Angels, White Sox, who even knew LA and Chicago had other baseball teams...what the hell?) in the least watched World Series match-up in history.

Well, since 2000 anyway.

DAWN, YOU HAVEN'T TRASHED MIERS FOR LIKE 24 HOURS...

Oh, sorry...Iocaste has just been doing such a bang up job, I get all my Miers bashing from her now.

Miers suspended from Bar... twice.

Miers needs to go back to law school.

Are Miers and Bush drinking buddies too?

THE BRIGHT SIDE OF LIFE
Tim Curry is a God among men, a singing and dancing God.
I don't know if it's all my Rocky Horror listening lately (or my Annie listening), but I was soo psyched to see him in Spam-A-Lot last night and he totally delivered.
Sure, he's old and fat now -- no more fishnet stocking and platform shoes for him -- but nobody does musical comedy like Tim Curry. Nobody.
Spam-A-Lot was very, very funny. (To the stupid lady in the row in front of me: that's right, I am still laughing. What? So's your face.)
Esther should totally go see it. Turns out somebody is not so dead afterall, so maybe she can stop crying.
Karol should go see it, cause they're looking for Jews.
I should go back to see it because I want to get the magic seat and get my picture taken with Tim Curry.
And everyone should go cause the whole audience gets to sing with the cast at the end.
I'm just sayin'.

THE BLOGGER GIRLS INVITE THEMSELVES TO MONTANA

And Ari'll come for the ballroom dancing.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

You feel like you’re wearing a bumper sticker that says: “I’m an idiot. Rob me.” - David Pogue on the perils of using the new video ipod in "urban settings."


Many people — including Apple’s chief, Steve Jobs — have predicted that video on the iPod would never be as popular as music. One crucial reason is that watching requires your full attention. You can’t do something else simultaneously, like driving or working.

In practice, these predictions turn out to be absolutely accurate. (I established this fact through scientific hands-on testing. Unintentionally absorbed in an episode of “Lost” while walking through Grand Central Terminal, I marched directly into a steel support girder.)

Watching iPodvision also requires one free hand to hold the device, which feels awkward after a while. Remember, too, that in urban settings, where iPods are muggers’ favorite delicacies, you have to hold the thing out in full view.

You feel like you’re wearing a bumper sticker that says: “I’m an idiot. Rob me.”

MORE GILMORE BLOGGING

In real life Lane is 32! THIRTY-TWO! LANE.

And why do I hate Logan so much?

Hopefully this will be Rory in a couple of weeks.

A REASON TO GO TO WEST VIRGINIA!

360 million reasons to be exact.

Who's coming with?

I DOUBLE DOG DARE YA...

To listen to the Rocky Horror Picture Show soundtrack in your office and not shout out: "Castles don't have phones, asshole."

MOST IRONIC RELOCATION EVER

In the New York Times story about the prevalence of Army run slot machines on military bases, they tell the heart wrenching story of one idiot poor soul who gambled away his annual salary. Apparently, fed up with being married to a broke deginerate, his wife divorced him and took his kids. In the caption accompanying the photo, the Times writes:

Aaron W. Walsh with his former wife, Carrie Beth, and their children in September 2003; Mr. Walsh, discharged, has been living in Las Vegas.

Duuuude.

IS IT TOO EARLY TO 'WAIT TILL NEXT YEAR'?

The drunk heckler in the back row shouted out, with five minutes left in the quarter: "We're only down by 19 points, we got 'em right where we want them!"
Yeah, that about sums up my first NBA game. The "Knicks" never had the lead or the crowd and everyone was drunk, well by the end anyways. I had amazing seats -- three rows behind the basket -- and kept hoping to catch an out of bounds basketball. I kept my hands at the ready, protecting my face, but still in a basketball catching stance.
But it wasn't to be...sigh...but I did see my first slam dunk up close! Wow was it fast. I am so used to the replays on the news, I think I half expected the guy to slowly rotate in the air, windmill his arm, stuff the ball, grab the rim and then gently land back on the court. Instead, it was more like rotateintheairwindmillhisarmstufftheballgrabtherimSLAMback on the court and then running again in the other direction. Crazy.
And it wasn't a Knick doing it.
They were so bad and young looking, I finally turned to the guy next to me and asked if the players were "the real Knicks or are these the bench guys because it's the pre-Season," he did a quick sweep of the court with his eyes and said "No, these are there starters."
Oh are the Knicks in trouble.
The high scorer on the team is like four feet tall (and that's also his number, in case you forget how big he is). Stephon Marbury was not as impressive as I expected him to be, no wonder Karol's boyfriend dunked on him in high school (wait for her comment saying "ex," it's funny). The whitest guy on the team (well, you gotta have a white guy" - deep thoughts with Karol) is a great rebound/passer named David Lee (Lee! The whitest guy ever and his last name is LEE) but lord help him when he tries to put the ball in the basket. He really is playing in the wrong sport, as the drunk heckler screaming "see, Lee? That's how you make a shot" at him everytime someone else hit a basket, kept reminding him.
Maybe he should find a passball league or something...
Anyhoo, as at the rodeo I went to, in between the action, they had these little "race the children for our amusement" contests. One of them was a slam dunking competition. There were three contestants, all about four or five. The first kid, a little black boy, took a running start toward the Nerf hoop, grabbed the ball with both hands and stuffed it. When he was done, he started doing the Incredible Hulk arm bends for the audience to show off his muscles. The next kid, a little white boy, then tried to replicate the first boy's efforts...unsuccessfully. They even gave him a redo...also unsuccessful. The last contestant, a little girl, ran up to the hoop, panicked and just shot the ball in -- two points, but no dunking -- just like the WNBA. The first kid was so obviously the winner, that he started to walk over to the Emcee. Unfortunately, looks like no one told him that this was one of those games where "everybody wins" -- so they all got hats and Knick trinkets. He was so not happy.
Oh, and how bad were the Knick girls? Pretty bad. Their big number: Bon Jovi's 'Livin on a Prayer.' Although, now that I think about it -- that'll pretty much be the Knicks' motto this year.

GILMORE BLOGGING

That episode was like a patchwork of clips cut from episodes that ran too long. So boring.

But I would like a Birkin bag, because Karol suggested that I couldn't get one.

HEH HEH

Miers said 'bone.'

IT'S SOPHIE'S CHOICE ALL OVER AGAIN

"Do you want your child to be uncomfortable or dead?" asked Vanessa Saft, the mother of a 2-year-old, Ramona, and an early childhood educator who is working on her master's in social work.


Yikes.

HERE COMES EVIL DAWN; HERE COMES EVIL DAWN




via Annika

I ALWAYS THOUGHT IT WAS CARD 'SHARP'

Cops have raided a high-stakes Manhattan poker club that has drawn the likes of Yankees superstar Alex Rodriguez and professional card shark Phil Hellmuth, police said yesterday.
The Daily News was the first to report that A-Rod and Hellmuth, the youngest player to win the World Series of Poker, attended the Broadway Club in Chelsea the night of Sept. 21. Police said neither of the big names is under criminal investigation.

"It's not illegal to play," a police source said yesterday. "It's illegal for the house to profit."

Cops raid another NYC poker club.

MICHAEL J. FOX TO GUEST ON BOSTON LEGAL

What did I say?


Boston Legal…ummm…how rolling over in his grave is Bobby Donnell? I mean, don’t get me wrong, Alan and Denny sleeping together…brilliant…but this is so not a law show anymore. It’s more like a nursing home for old sitcom stars to relive their glory days. I, for one, cannot wait for the episode where Urkel finds himself on trial for murder. I’m surprised the fake Jack is still on the show, but thank the lord that they got rid of Monica Potter, Julie Bowen is such an improvement. But the two podling lawyers suuuck. Oh, and why oh why. couldn’t they get Rupert to stay?

Nursing home for old sitcom stars.

ALL OF THEM EXCEPT THE NETWORK WE'RE ON

Paris Hilton says she isn't giving up "The Simple Life" just yet.

"We're shooting November 1," said the 24-year-old hotel heiress, who had a front-row seat at the Louis Verdad fashion show Sunday. "All the networks are fighting over it."

That's not hot.

I'LL GIVE YOU ONE GUESS WHERE THEY LOST ME

Asian doctor and lawyer publish "how to raise a successful Asian child no matter what your race" guide book.

As children the Kims were not learning on a daily basis, but an hourly one. One daughter's C-minus in biology could cast shame upon them all, so the Kim family reviewed each report card as a group in order to strategize about how each child could address weaknesses. The Kim parents also insisted their daughters come straight home to study after school instead of hanging out with friends (whom they could see on weekends only), and limited each girl to one hour of television a week and 15 minutes on the phone a day.


A week? I couldn't even do an hour of television in an hour.

BECAUSE MATH MAKES MY HEAD HURT...

Is it worth it to spend $900 to extend a 5.5% rate lock on a $308,000 mortgage when current rates are now 6.0%?

All answers should factor in the deductability of home mortgage interest.

Also any alternatives for getting my bank to give me the 5.5% rate without my paying $900 would also be appreciated.

IF DAWN HAS SAID IT ONCE...

Charity kills.

THAT LASTED A LOT LONGER THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD

Israel breaks off contacts with Palestinians.


Now, how long till the Senate goes "nuclear."

SO, JUST TO RECAP

The Yankees lost to a team that couldn't beat the White Sox.

That is all.

SINCE THERE'S SUCH A HUNGER FOR PIRATE JOKES

So, there are 2 pirate ships heading towards each other...the pirate ship coming from the east is red; the pirate ship speeding in from the west is blue.
You know what happened then?

They got marrooned!

*************************************************

Have you heard about the new pirate movie?

It's rated aaarrrrrr!

Do you know why it was rated R? Because of all the booty.
*************************************************
And my personal favorite:
How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced?

A buccaneer!

Good night ladies and gentlemen, we'll be here all year.

via, if not completely and entirely a product of, Kaz

THE MORE TV YOU WATCH...

The more questions you have, like:

Is anyone still watching Alias? And I don’t mean recording it and playing it in the background while you write posts on your blog wondering if anyone else was still watching this show, cause, well, everybody does that. But can you explain the Force five, Sobogoda, substance 33 plotline? Do you remember whether Irina is good or bad or alive for that matter? That’s what I thought.
I can’t believe that JJ is recycling the plotline from Season 1 with subpar substitutes for Sydney and Sloane. Yawn. But hey… It’s Fred! Of all the people from Angel who I thought would work again…wow.

Exactly how big is that island? The "Others" , the front half of the plane people, the tail people, the monsters, the hatch people, now Malcolm’s gone AWOL…dude…I’m starting to think the island is really a peninsula and if they put their minds to it, they could walk to a Starbucks. Lost got off to a slow start, but last week’s Hurley meltdown was priceless. Very nice…and yay, the black lady is back! And not crazy! I can’t believe they killed Boone and let the insipid sibling live. She sucks. Maybe Vincent will eat her.

Speaking of annoying blond sisters…the daughter on ‘Commander In Chief’ has got to go…maybe a very special episode during sweeps where someone tries to assassinate President Mac and accidentally kills the first daughter? Pretty please? And how gay is the first son? Oh I can’t wait for the coming out of the closet episode for that one. All in all though, I really like this show, it takes itself a wee bit too seriously (did you see the concerned look on President Mac’s face when her daughter said she wanted to go to school with “people like us.” Turns out she didn’t mean negroes or wetbacks…just children of other politicians. Whew… Heeeyy…Commander In Chief…get it…it’s like the President’s title, but also has the word “man” in it, but she’s a woman! Get it? Get it? Ok then.

Boston Legal…ummm…how rolling over in his grave is Bobby Donnell? I mean, don’t get me wrong, Alan and Denny sleeping together…brilliant…but this is so not a law show anymore. It’s more like a nursing home for old sitcom stars to relive their glory days. I, for one, cannot wait for the episode where Urkel finds himself on trial for murder. I’m surprised the fake Jack is still on the show, but thank the lord that they got rid of Monica Potter, Julie Bowen is such an improvement. But the two podling lawyers suuuck. Oh, and why oh why. couldn’t they get Rupert to stay?

Do the Housewives seem less desperate this season? Or my second, yet equally compelling question: Did everyone throw up in their mouths just a little when Bree said that she thought she loved George? Still. Fine brain candy for a Sunday night…but I am concerned that the coop board will now assume that all single black women who buy a place, will be keeping someone chained in their home. I suppose I will have to address this stereotype on my application.

Well, I think that’s it for my ABCs…onward to NBC.

Does anyone like McCoy’s new ADA? Gag me with a spoon…not that she isn’t more qualified than Harriet Miers for the job…but borrrrrinnng. She’s got one expression – that combo surprise/deep thought look, which, unfortunately makes her look perpetually constipated. (Hey, there’s an old episode of Murder she Wrote on – and the guest stars are none other than Bill Maher and Mac from General Hospital! That’s so gonna get me crazy points next time I play the television Kevin Bacon game. Which is actually called Six degrees of Shannon Dougherty.) Anyhoo… it’s been a pretty standard L&O season…no really cool twists or awesome guest stars. I did like seeing Lynda Carter back as the mother half of a parent-child con artist team. The crimes they ended up in jail for were kinda dumb though. But hey, so long as they promise not to put anymore holes in Jesse L. Martin, I’ll keep watching.

Ditto on Law & Order: SVU. I liked the creepy “voice on the phone” episode, but enough of Stabler and Benson flying solo. They’re partners and I wanna see ‘em act like it. And more Ice-T please and I don’t mean Snapple.


Is his name really Earl? Come on, a guy like that has changed his name at least twice. This show isn’t the worst, but I don’t see it lasting. Although, for the poor saps that stick around for ‘The Offiice’ afterwards, My Name is Earl seems like a comedic masterpiece. Extra props given for having nonwhite characters that don’t seem forced.

Will they let the Apprentice: Martha Stewart finish out the Season? I guess so, since ‘The Contedner’ had similarly flat ratings and got to air its finale. I must confess, that I’ve kinda gotten hooked. Sure, Martha’s about as interesting as Nicole Kidman’s remake of Bewitched…I mean ‘The Stepford Wives’…no…Bewitched. And Alexis looks like a hostage afflicted with Stockholm Syndrome, but Jim is positively delicious. “I will drink in her tears like nectar from the gods?” “I could get on board with getting rid of Dawn” Get Jim his own talk show and quick…sadly, the promos for this week’s episode have me very worried that my little Jim may not be long for the show. In which case, Martha can expect my Dear Apprentice: Martha Stewart letter. Oh and the little Apprentice: Martha Stewart lady icon in the corner? So lame.

Will the final two Apprentice contestants be the cripple on crutches and the gay guy? Dawn votes yes. This pool of contestants is better than last season’s, but certainly no season 1 & 2. I completely hate the way each episode since Season 2, has become a commercial for some stupid product or another. Where are the random lemonade stand tasks? Sigh. But since it’s still the only reality show I could see myself on, we’ll keep watching.

How many days until Joey is canceled? It causes me physical pain to watch, yet somehow I cannot look away. Well, I can. Bad, bad, bad. Maybe they can get Jennifer Aniston to do a guest spot. The Rachel/Alex catfight would be a sight to see…right now I’m looking for a clever catchphrase that means the opposite of “Must See TV.”

Why is this Will & Grace’s last Season? Is one of them asking for more money or something? Seems like they could keep this up at least another three years. I still laugh out loud. Karen had webbed feet. HA! Anyway, hopefully Will and Jack will get together and Grace will live with them in the basement. Where there’s three wills in a sentence, there’s got to be a way.

Can CBS survive without Raymond? Ummm… CSI says what? What. Actually, with Celebrity Poker Showdown: Million dollar jackpot, Apprentice, Smallville, Everybody Hates Chris and Alias airing Thursdays…I haven’t been watching CSI. But the rest of America seems to be finding the time.

How did you meet my mother? Cause I so don’t see you two running in the same circles. How considerate of them to supply me with a ready-made question. Umm…Alyson Hannigan is very Alyson Hannigany. Doogie is the best part of the show…so, I think that says it all.

UPN…that’s right, I’m black and watch UPN…What? Wanna fight about it?
So how exactly is Everybody Hates Chris not like the Bernie Mac Show? Well, I’m glad you asked. See, Bernie Mac does his commentary in camera facing monologues to America, while Chris Rock does his commentary in biting voiceovers. The Bernie Mac show has two girls and one boy; Everybody Hates Chris has two boys and one girl. Everybody Hates Chris takes place in Brooklyn; Bernie Mac Show is set in L.A. Sheesh, totally different shows. Racists.

WB

Can I punch Rory in her freaking face? Thanks to Lux, I have gotten to see the whole Season from start to finish…my word, is that girl dumb as a box of rocks that have been sniffing glue for a few years. “Oh, mommy, my boss was mean to me, so I’m going to drop out of college and steal boats.” Of course, I’m lovin’ Luke and Lorilei, so pissed that she’s putting off the wedding because of her stupid daughter – yet one more reason I want to kick Rory in the head.

Does anyone have a copy of the Smallville premiere on tape that I can borrow? No, really. I just finished Season four on DVD and I’m all ready to see what happens with data eyes Lionel and Lana’s spaceship find.

Fox

When is Fox going to stop preempting House? We like House. House funny. But…umm…if anyone says they need to drain my blood to diagnose me…I pass.

Speaking of blood drainers…is it me or is David Boreanz still doing Angel, except out in the sun? He’s believable as a Man in Black and has got some chemistry with the Bones chick (although she kinda has a wee anger management problem, she beats up a new guy in every episode.) Official verdict: if you like Crossing Jordan, get your head examined. Bones has a better cast and a better soundtrack…of course, no more murder victims of color please.

Is Kitchen Confidential still on the air? Why? Barf. On the upside, if I was giving Fred mad props for finding employment again…double that and add a free magazine subscription for Xander getting on a regular show again.

When does the new Simpsons season start? Cause I think I’m starting to fall for Family Guy.

Will Arrested Development stop with the British humour and get back to being funny? That’s right, I spelled it with a ‘u’.

Wasn’t Reunion so promising? Too bad they screwed the pooch. Giving the child up for adoption. Boo. Plus, competition in the timeslot is too tough…Fox should make this a Friday night show.

Is Francis still on Malcolm in the Middle? He hasn’t been in the last two episodes…I like the on location with Francis segments of the show. But it’s still funny. They probably won’t be back for next year though.

Showtime

Am I only the one hooked on Weed? I mean, Weeds…Weeds. With an s. Loving the Godfather homage last week…I don’t think it’s worth paying for Showtime though, so hopefully the first season DVD will come out quickly cause my free Showtime trial ends Tuesday.


All of which of course begs the very, very good question: How on earth does one person watch so much TV and manage to miss Veronica Mars and the OC?

Yeah, I don’t know. But I guess until Scrubs and 24 come back, I probably have got a couple of openings.

IF JAKE'S SAID IT ONCE...

The cheapest tax to pay is the one you owe.

A woman who hasn't paid a $1.16 income tax bill to this Cincinnati suburb faces up to 18 months in jail and $4,000 in fines.

City officials say Deborah Combs hasn't filed city income tax returns for five years.

Combs says she has been mostly unemployed since 2000 and didn't realize she had to file the returns until the city notified her in February about the violation.

HER LEGS DON'T LOOK BROKE...

People shouldn't have their stupidity rewarded with piggyback rides.

Driving a car into standing water, my word.

JUST WONDERING...

Does anyone remember what they spent the $300 tax advance check, that BushCo handed out during the first term, on?

QUICK QUESTION

How is it that I take my car to the dealership to get the $37 annual emission inspection and end up owing them $389.00 for brake fluid line flushing?

AND JESSICA SIMPSON AND NICK LACHEY ARE HAPPILY MARRIED

White House: Miers won't withdraw

Although, I wouldn't misunderestimate Bush's resolve. Cheney is still Veep, Bolton is the UN Ambassador and he still publicly acknowledges Jenna as his daughter.

ON POKER

"He just blew through ten grand in about 90 seconds. That's Paris Hilton numbers!" --Norman Chad on poor rich and handsome Oliver Hudson getting knocked out on his first hand in the Main Event at the World Series of poker.

Hudson was holding pocket tens, he flopped a full house when it came A A 10. The Evil spawn of satan Sam Farha was holding A 10 and well, flopped the better full house.
Ouchie.
Oh, and speaking of the Main Event, what's with Jen "Can I borrow your kidney" Harman bitching out another player at her table for beating her full house with a straight flush on the river? If she thought her pocket queens were sooo great, she should have bet them hard enough to get the 89d to fold preflop. Loser.

GOT GAMBLE? NOPE.

The other day I went to a debate about gambling in New York.

The panelists ostensibly represented the full political spectrum from Republican to Liberal. (The liberal guy probably had the funniest line of the night when he wondered why Republicans always want to use lottery money for education. "Why don't we use tax dollars for education? Nobody ever says to the military, 'well if you want another bomb, you've gotta have a bake sale.'")
The rest of the debate was pretty lackluster (blah, blah, the lottery is a poor tax on black people...what next legalizing child porn and heroine for babies...yadayada)-- although I am now certain that George Stephanapolous and Bill Wier are the same person.
Creeepy.
Afterwards, I had a spirited conversation about the issue with Robert George and Karol.
Now, considering the fact that I actually uttered the words "My retirement plan is based on winning the lottery," and "I don't gamble, I just play poker," my views on the topic are obviously very pro.
The lottery serves a valid function of raising revenue and offering a chance (however, slim) of life changing riches. (Although, I will qualify my support of the state sponsored lottery, by saying that I am wholly against state sponsored scratch-offs or slot machines. It is too easy to waste hundreds, nay thousands, in a matter of minutes for anyone to credibly claim that those games do anything but target fevered gamblers. At least with buying lottery tickets, you've got to go home and watch to see if you've won, before chasing the dream again. The other stuff is pure exploitation.)
As for legalizing gambling, it seems to me that with the recent card boom, any municipality that is shutting its doors to gaming, is foolish. These games attract disposable income, and if the parlors already running illegal clubs could do so legally, everyone would benefit from the tax revenues. Instead, the crazy kids looking to bet it all, drive out to Connecticut or Jersey at all hours of the night (and then, go on to pose a significant safety risk when they drive back seven hours later on no sleep), fly out to Vegas (everyone knows that everybody hates to fly) or they whittle away their fingertips on online gambling sites (and come on, do we need to give Americans another reason to sit on their butts and stare at a screen?)
No, legalizing gambling is the way to go. Well, at least legalizing poker. Poker good. Besides, now that we're not getting a football stadium or the Olympics, New Yorkers need a new pie-in-the-sky, get-rich-quick scheme to hang our hats on.
(Hint, hint, Bloomberg -- you've got my mom's vote...how badly do you want mine?)

IF YOU'RE GOING TO HELL ANYTIME SOON...

Bring a jacket.

My mom's voting Republican.

MY MOOOOOOOOOOM!

Is it wrong that this makes me want to vomit?

Mom delivers 16th child and wants more

The baby's father, Jim Bob Duggar, a former state representative, said Wednesday that mother and child were doing well. Johannah's birth was especially exciting because it was the first time in eight years the family has had a girl, he said.

Duuuuuuude.

BREAKING NEWS (INSERT FLASHING LIGHTS)

I'm in Escrow.

ZIIING

Remember the Egyptian family that was murdered in New Jersey. Michelle Malkin was the one leading the charge that it was terrorism. Of course, it proved not to be. She's leading the charge this time too. Let's face it - her track record is not that good.

Almost makes me want to register 'malkinwatch.com'

GERMAN CHANCELLOR TOUTS STRONG GOVERNMENT STATE

"I do not want to name any catastrophes where you can see what happens if organised state action is absent. I could name countries, but the position I still hold forbids it, but everyone knows I mean America," he said to loud applause.

Umm...yeah...still too soon.

In other wall of weird news: check out Bush, liberal, Washington and left all in the same line of the Reuters article.

WHAT'S THAT NOW?

The sisters and others in the community have expressed suspicion that government officials may have intentionally broken the levee to flood the Ninth Ward to save wealthier parts of New Orleans. The Industrial Canal levee broke in about the same place during the one-two punch of hurricanes Katrina and Rita as it had in Hurricane Betsy in 1965, when the Lower Ninth also was devastated.

"Most of us down there believed the Army Corps of Engineers deliberately blew that levee (during Betsy)," said Henry Julien, a lawyer who grew up in the Ninth Ward but lives now in Uptown. With those rumors circulating, the Army Corps repeatedly has denied that the levees purposely were broken.

There was precedent though. In 1927, New Orleans city leaders made a deal with residents of St. Bernard and Plaquemines parishes. They broke a levee to flood those areas and save New Orleans, promising payment to residents of the parishes. City leaders later reneged on the promise.

Not only is that f'd up, but why am I getting this information from a cartoon?

I would think the liberal MSM would be all over this.

DEAR MTA,

We're not stupid. What you call "water conditions," the rest of the world calls rain. Get your act together.

IT'S NOT HARD TO SAY I'M SORRY...AND IT CAN BE FUNNY TOO!

Brian Williams apologizing for describing New York's Islip Airport as "totally in chaos, where every day is like the fall of the government in Jakarta:"


"I was only, as you know, fooling around," the anchor said yesterday on Imus in the Morning. "It's a delightful facility."

Williams praised the airport's convenient parking, covered walkways and second-floor observation deck. Then, in a bit of hyperbole, he said he didn't know what he liked best about the airport's concessions, "the food that's delicious and good for my family or those reasonable prices."

"Even when I don't have travel plans, I pack my wife and kids in the car and we head over to Westchester County Airport," said Williams, who lives in Fairfield County, Conn. "It's a family place."

Hilarious.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAWN...ER...MICHELLE

FANTASY FOOTBALL

0-5

Eh, winning just means you're trying too hard.

THE PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION DIARIES

Ahhh, the lazy hazy days of...Fall?
I have completely settled in to living on my own – I mean I still don’t have the coffee table that I bought and paid for in August – but the sleeping and waking to the bray of Larry David’s CYE (sleeping) and the stylings of Alanis (waking) are completely enjoyable.
As the Upper East Side is the only inhabited section of Manhattan besides Randall’s Island, without a subway, I now take the bus to work.
The thing about taking the bus to work is that I still have the anxiety about getting to work on time that I had when I took the train, but now my anxiety gets marinated in a tasty stew of traffic lights and toddlers who insist on paying the fare for mommy even though they are too short to slide the Metrocard into the fare reader.
Hours and hours of "Noooo, let me do it, Noooo....Noooo.....high pitched sound."
One of these days...one of these days.
My ride home yesterday began with a “later in life mom” explaining to Billy how the “tape” to request stops work.
“Well, when people are ready to get off, they press this black line and that makes the light at the front turn red. Then the bus driver knows to stop the bus.”
Do you know what comes next?
Can you see it?
Cause, I could.
Stevie freaking Wonder could.
Sure enough, for the next seven avenues and six blocks, Billy would press the tape to see the light at the front turn red.
“The light, Mommy!”
“Yes, good. But only when it’s time for us to get off, Billy.”
Grrrrrr. Dawn kill. RAWWWRRR.
I know, I know, it’s time for me to make the world believe that I am dead until I can control the rage that dwells within me.

SCHADENFRAUDE

I Love Bubba Crosby now, too!

I called Peter and Karol to offer my condolences about the Yankee loss. I wanted to make sure I was the very first person to reach them, so I started dialing right when Matsui grounded the ball. As the Angels made the out at first, the phone began to ring.
I don’t think they knew it was me though, cause when Karol answered, she just said:
“We hate you and everything you stand for” and then hung up.
I guess I’ll have to call back tonight.

POINT OF INFORMATION

Can I call in sick from the blog?

Think it'll know that I'm not really sick, just watching TV?

Although, having just finished 'The Upside of Anger,' which I Netflixed for only heaven knows what reason, I am a little nauseated.

(See that Mrs. Cattell-Gordon "nauseated" not nauseous, and you scolded me for not paying attention. So's your face. Hmm... I just turned a sweet moment into a not-so-sweet moment, didn't I? Oh well.)

Hey, this has turned into quite the little post, if I just say a few words against Harriet Miers, I can totally save my blog sick day for tomorrow.

Harriet Miers, um, sucks.

It's not even like she can use that old "my resume is light because I was busy raising kids" excuse. Actually, I think she'll withdraw "for personal reasons" two days into her confirmation hearings.

Done and done.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

And as far as we can tell, any judgments she may have made -- and it's been, what, less than a year since she got the position in the first place -- were generally along the lines of "yes, President Bush has complete authority, except when it comes to saving people devastated by Hurricane Katrina, and in that instance, we'll dicker about Posse Comitatus for three days while people are dying."

Read the whole thing.

NO NEED TO CLICK...IT'S NOT ABOUT MIERS

Bush's Nominee for No. 2 Justice Post Withdraws

Fool me once New York Times, shame on you.

SOX WIN!

And Sox Lose.

Boy is the American League stupid.

WITH JACK HANDEY

The only validation you'll ever get for the choices you make in life is your own happiness.

DAWN HEARTS KEN WHEATON

With apologies to Gib, looks like the recipient of today's Inigo Montoya award is Karol.

A "fact" that involves the use of the words "probably" and "not confirmed"...

Indeed.

APPRENTICE BLOGGING

Come for video of Martha making out with animals, stay for Jim.

He has inspired my latest reality TV idea: Wicked Witch of the West: The Most Evil Conniving Reality Contestant Ever.

I assume Susan Lucci would be available to host.

But as for tonight's "there are no losers" Apprentice, the top prize for best moment goes to Jennifer W., who after threatening to wash her own mouth out with soap, went on to conclude:

"When Rebecca went to the hospital Toral went with her and I can only assume that they have bonded and formed some sort of a...friendship...or whatever." -Jennifer W.

Yah think?

Oh and what's up with the hockey team doctor not being able to diagnose a broken ankle? Dude.

Law. Suit. And I don't mean pinstripes.

ALIAS BLOGGING

Raise your hand if you're sure...

That you're done.

"I woke up today feeling pretty hormonal"?

Who is writing this crap? Who do they think is going to watch this crap? Don't they know I have 300 channels, two DVRs with the ability to tape two shows at once AND a Netflix subscription?

"We're looking at Hiroshima times fifty"? Threat or promise? Make it stoooooppppp.

GAG.

Commander-In-Chief on the other hand..."steps from the President"? I think Weiss thinks so too!

Ooooh...wait...hold on...hot new guy. Hmmm.

WHAT THE FOCK?

If I wasn't boycotting Southwest before, for not flying to or from anywhere I want or need to go,

I. AM. NOW.

DEPRESSING THOUGHT OF THE DAY

We're not even done with one year of the second term.

KATRINA VICTIM WINS A MILLION AT THE SLOTS

Sherman has been staying in her sister's three-bedroom home in Opelousas with about 26 other people since Katrina flooded 80 percent of New Orleans and left her homeless.

With $20 in hand, Sherman was en route with her sister to do some shopping when, on a whim, she decided to try her luck at the slots.

"I was on the road to Kmart and decided to stop at the casino," which is around the corner from her sister's home, she told CNN.

Now, I know this is supposed to be a feel-good, lift-your-spirits, anything-can-happen kind of Hollywood story...but a homeless woman with $20 to her name stopping at a casino on the way to the grocery, doesn't strike me as the kind of example we should be setting.

REPUBLICAN LAWMAKERS SEEK TO ENCOURAGE ABORTION

In Indiana anyways.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CLAREIFIED!

You're Two.

Woo hoo, a birthday Karolanche!

Ahhh, nothing beats the gift of traffic...well, except the gift of gifts.
*****************************UPDATE****************************************
And because Jake makes such a good point, Clareified now has a paypal button the sidebar!

POOR LITTLE POOR GIRL

When I was in high school, Karol would sometimes call me in the evenings. Sometimes I'd hear a distinct whooshing sound in the background.
"What the hell is that?"
"I'm in my jacuzzi," she'd chipperly reply.
Yah.
Right.
"Jacuzzi."
So, on days that she'd call and I'd be washing dishes --an activity that also produces an audible whooshing noise --- I too would reply "Oh, well, I'm in my jacuzzi."
Now, it's neither here nor there, but a few months ago I found out that Karol was actually in a jacuzzi. Her parents have one in their bathroom.
Who knew?
Just for the record, I actually did not have a jacuzzi -- but I went in one once when I was in Virginia for a deposition.
Anyway, one of the best things about my new apartment is the dishwasher.
A real-live automatic machine into which I put dirty knives and cups (still using paper plates and plastic glasses though) and out come steaming hot clean knives and cups.
Admittedly, I was still using my two hands for the first couple of weeks because I had no idea what to do with the thing, but after Kaz showed me how to use it, I have become a pro.
Couple of tips:
Don't over fill the little cup with cascade or it won't close.
Put the bowls in sideways.
Do not, and this is important, do not take anything out right away with your bare hands.
Ahhh...dishwashers, this is the life.
I'm up to three times a day now...wait, dishwashed dishes don't cause cancer do they?

QUOTE OF THE DAY

It was a tight player, you knew when he raised out of position that he had a strong hand, but you said the words pot odds in your head and whamo, with in seconds you figured out some math and schmucked yourself into paying off a hand that would have bought you a t-shirt that said pot odds if you just call.

Indeed.

CAGE AND WIFE NAME SON JOR-EL

The baby is named Kal-El Coppola Cage. And, can we just say FREAKY??? Who names their kid after Superman?? Apple is starting to seem golden and delicious compared to Kal-El.

Well, his wife's favorite book is probably her Superman comic.

via Karol

JUSTICE MYASS, OOPS, SORRY, MIERS

Let me get this straight, the announcement that the White House counsel was Bush's nominee was not a joke?

I...I...(deep breath).

Ok...if she makes it out of the judiciary committee...I...I...JUDGE JUDY HAS MORE EXPERIENCE ON THE BENCH!!!!!!

JUDGE JUDY.

I don't know, maybe I've been playing too much poker, but this seems like a set up move.

You know. Bush has gone all-in with the 27o, the Democrats crush her with, I don't know, eight high.

I assume they argue something like "this woman has no experience," "she hasn't done independent legal thinking since law school," "did I mention the Judge Judy is more qualified part"?

So Miers gets defeated and then Bush busts out with the Priscilla Owens all-in...and then we're screwed because they'll say we're just obstructionists who hate conservatives.

My head hurts. On the upside, hey, look in the mirror -- you too could be a Supreme Court Justice.

SCENE FROM THE ROBERTS' MARRIAGE BED

Jane: So, honey, how was your first day at the Supreme Court?
John (tossing briefcase and keys on the table): Ok, I guess.
Jane: Aww...sweetie, what happened?
John: Well, first of all everybody hates me. Well, except for O'Connor, but she was just all "I'm outta here suckahs." And Souter, but for some reason he just keeps looking at me like...I'm glass of water and he has just come from a loooong walk in the desert if you know what I mean. I think he thinks I gay.
Jane(chuckling): Well...we did adopt kids and marry late, you know. But, what do you mean everybody hates you? Who hates you?
John: So I get in, start setting up my office, Thomas walks in and he's like: that's the robe Rehnquist had on when he died. Then he just laughs and walks out.
Jane: NO!
John: Yes, I swear. So I'm kinda freaking out about it, when Breyer and Ginsburg come by, and they're all like 'look whitey, we gotta be out of here by sundown. I don't know where you get off opening court today. Oh, and we won't be here tomorrow, either." Then they storm out mumbling something about how if I was a Latino or a woman, I would be more sensitive to diversity issues.
Jane: That's terrible. Don't they know, it's not your fault? Court just automatically starts on the first Monday in October.
John (starting to sob): I don't know, I guess not. I'm not going back there. They're mean.
Jane: Oh, don't cry. What do you mean, you're not going back? Tony must have been nice to you...
John (blows nose): Nu-uh, he was the worst. First off, he keeps calling me the "Thief Justice of the Supreme Court" and then going "What? What did I say?" when I asked him what he meant by that. He makes faces behind my back and actually stuck this sign on my back.
Jane: "Kick me"? What is this? You should tell Stevens.
John: I know, but I didn't wanna be a tattle-tale.
Jane: Well, that's his job. He's supposed make sure this kind of thing doesn't happen.
John: Yeah...well, Kennedy is my assigned mentor, maybe I'll talk to him tomorrow.
Jane: There you go! No more of that 'not going back there' talk.
John: Yeah...where're the kids?

FANTASY FOOTBALL

ECB RAMS ARE 0-4.

I was all ready to throw in the towel on the season, then I saw this post from last year.

NOT SO RANDOM THOUGHT

Months should not be allowed to have five freaking Mondays.

ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT BLOGGING

I have never seen a James Bond movie, and I've only seen one Monty Python movie. Oh, and I am an American. Thus, what the hell was going on with that Charlize Theron episode.

I will not be happy if this continues.

BOOBS, BLOGS, AND BLOOMBERG
"It's like a regular party, but with bloggers." -- Cobra

Once again, Karol managed to pull off the twin miracles of hosting a blogger party and tricking me into going.

She's wily that one.

Well, let's see, first off, the shindig happened in the Kama Sutra room and oh yeah, some people took that a little literally, that's right, I'm looking at you Dorian "black women love me; they just can't help it" Davis.

Oh, and Candace "touch my boobs" crazy girl.

Even though the invite mocked fashionably late arrivals, Karol, Ari and I got there closer to nine, for the eight p.m. party. I was wearing a red and black suit that Lisa said made me look like I'm running for city council. Karol disagreed saying that "with cleavage like that you're not getting elected to anything." Sadly, there is a horrifying picture of both the suit and the cleavage here.

Shankar, the journablogger I met on the Serenity line, also came and suprisingly brought liberal reinforcements to the overwhelmingly conservative-leaning group. So, despite reiterating the belief that I have no soul because I have impeccable taste in good television and movies, he gets mad points for bringing them.

His friend "Jill" (grin) shares my masochistic impulse to read Dawn Eden's site, just so we can bang our heads on the wall and scream profanities. It's fun, go try it.

She and Jessica write for a feminist blog (and you thought feminism was dead), check it out.

My other awesome find of the night were the very funny ladies of weenie enema -- a site dedicated to "niche-pop" culture. Although I am going to have to bone up on my Babysitters Club reading if I ever hang out with them again, it was awesome to meet other people of drinking age that still remember key plot points to Encyclopedia Brown stories and can recite dialogue from 'Beaches.' When Emma announced "No, my favorite movie of all time was Beaches" I knew I was hanging with the right folks. I even managed to reconcile her with her BFF Hillary Clinton and will be signing the "Bring Sisters to DVD" petition tomorrow afternoon. I tried to introduce them to Dorian, but he quote was having a good hair day and wanted to hit a gay bar endquote.

The random encounter of the evening goes to the handler for some Republican guy running for Manhattan Borough President.

First off, he tries to sell himself to me with some line like "Well, I'm Republican/Liberal like Michael Bloomberg!"

HAHAHHAHAHAH..Terrif.

Take card politely, walk away. Find trash can.

But no.

His handler follows me to the stairs.

"So are you voting for Bloomberg?"

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

Smile and nod.

"Uh, probably not."

"Well, he has done some great things for this city."

Dude.

Hint, Take A.

"Well, you know, my left hand really wants to vote for him, but my right hand really doesn't want to vote for him. And the right hand carries a knife."

Done and done...and yet...she's still there.

"Blahh blah blah blah blah blah Bloomberg."

"Well, look I like the smoking ban, but that's about it."

"I know the smoking ban was unpopular. A lot of Republicans are angry at him for that, but imagine if you had a baby with you in a restaurant."

What is this? Is she trying to reverse psychology me into votinng for him because Republicans are mad at him?

"No...no, I'm in favor of the smoking ban, but for my homicidal right hand, the smoking ban would earn him my vote."

"Look, I can appreciate that. I mean, I'm not a smoker, so I don't fully understand the importance, but he has done many other great things besides that."

At this point Karol tries to explain to the woman, through the use of sock puppets and stick figure drawings, that I like the smoking ban, just nothing else.

To no avail.

In the end, I gave up, told her I would reconsider my position on the smoking ban and then ran, making a note that Republicans are dumb as rocks.

Or maybe I made that note after a guy who said he knew Karol from the Young Republicans club was all ready to fight me when I jokingly replied "Young Republicans? There are no young republicans, you are all born 65 in full golfing attire."

Next up, I met an Englishman in New York, who coincidentally has a blog titled something like guy who was born in England, but then met an American girl and moved to the East Coast of the United States and now currently lives in the Big Apple.

Very unwieldy, I know, but he's a Brit. He said that he knew me from Karol's site and I said that really Alarming News is more like "Karol and my site." I thought he believed me, right up until he assured an open-jawed Karol that he knew that I was "suffering delusions of grandeur."

Sigh...someday, I too will have Jeff Goldstein calling.

He was with a friend who does a photoblog of the use of lowercase letters in signs in New York. (Note to self: I cannot believe you remember that? DAMN. Reply to Self: Well, as I explained to the Young Curmedgon yesterday I a have an infinite capacity for retaining life's minutiae. Now where are my house keys?)

The rest of the night is kind of a blur, Ken "Snaps" Wheaton (Ari said to call him that, I don't know why) and his girlfriend were there, turns out she plays poker and so I am very craftily trying to rope her into our poker playing circle as Karol is now cut off. Also, when she said that we should be sure to invite Ken along because he always loses, I knew she fit right into our crack wising circle.

Ken also got a verbal tongue lashing from Ginger when even mentioned that candace should go to law school.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO," she screamed from across the room as she threw a drink in his face.

Well, she might not have thrown a drink.

For my part, I second the motion, complete with drink throwing. Plus, I was busying myself with taking candace's body parts hostage until she agreed to return to blogging with Ginger.

Crap...I still have her left leg...this is going to be very hard to explain should the super come into my apartment for anything.

I know I'm probably missing a million more moments:

*Steve Silver came all the way from suburbia to attend

*When I heard that the Jane Galt blogger was talking to Paul Frankenstein, I promptly sat up straight, stuck both my arms out, and went "RAWWWWRRRRRR, It's Alive!!!"

"Dude! He is right over there!"

Oh. sorry.

*Jessica doing a pitch perfect impression of a young twenty-something having a great time at a party

*me trying to sell Lisa's cardigan on ebay,

*my awkward moment with Bunniblog when I tried to tell her I really liked her anger posting, but accidentally made her think that I've blogrolled her

*Cobra and I bonding over our hate for LaShawn Barber

*Peter and candace pink swearing to be friends forever

*My telling Ken's GF that Karol dropped out of my high school because she was heroine addicted pregnant teen

*Roping Doug into agreeing to play cards tomorrow night

*Enlisting Petite Dov in my Operating protect my boobs from candace

*Liberteaser providing the best definition of libertarian I have ever heard when he responded to Seldom Sober's pronouncement that "I used to be Republican, but now I've stopped paying attention," with the classic "Well, then you're libertarian now."

*certain unnamed bloggers deciding that since the place was buring incense, they could go smoke pot in the bathroom. Yeah, incense-pot;incense-pot -- totally the same.

*Scott and Oschisms making out downstairs.

*Paul realizing for the first time he had no idea why he went to college in West Virginia.

But it's getting late and lots of other people have written about the party, so I'm sure they'll get to these things in their posts.

At the end of the night, I went home with Ari, but she made clear nothing was going to happen.

"If I end up with a girl's tongue in my mouth, I am going to totally freak out."

Totally her loss.