Clareified

LIVE BLOGGING HTAAF

My weekly Dorian Davis IM tells me it's that time of the week again...

4:00 PM Dorian: What do you think would get higher ratings--"Hoist the Black Flag" or dead air time?
4:01 PM Me: Hoist
4:02 PM: Dorian: "Hoist the Black Flag" or a Louis Anderson special?
4:03 Too easy. Louis, of course.
4:04 PM Windows Media is giving me the option of playing Gwen Stefani's Hollaback video instead of listening to the livecast...what's a girl to do.
4:05 ...few times I bee around that track...
4:06 Ace already talking.. "post patriotism" people who have turned thir backs on love of country in favor of something greater.
4:07 Outing is ok if it's Republicans or Bush. And Republican homosexuals are ok. (Or your name is Robert Novak. The more you know, kids, the more you know -ed.)
4:07 The Times's specificity is what upsets Ace because it's "not in keeping with the covert nature." Ace then proceeds to repeat all this specificity to at least one person who didn't read the article.
4:09 Story would have been unobjectionable if it wasn't so helpful to foreign governments or al qaeda.
4:09 Awww...NYT makes the CIA's job much tougher.
4:10 Ace questions what they are patriotic towards. "In teh old days" no one would attempt to publish a story like this (awwww...Ace shares his youth with the listeners. -ed.)
4:12 Ornery blog gets a plug.
4:13 "Whose heart breaks a little when it burns" (HAHAHAHAHAAHAH -ed. And dude, I love Adam Sandler movies...so watch with the generalizations.)
4:13 Cops who walk the ebat will never see the fortune that capitalism can give you, but believe in it more than those who make millions and then sneer (oooh, good word.)
4:14 Something to think about on memorial day. (Is this taped?)
4:15 Karol: "A Time for us to think about how lucky we are to be here" (That's right immigrant girl, and we can send you back anytime.)
4:15 Herman Cain's "They think you stupid." (Possibly because you don't use verbs in your book titles....)
4:16 Herman: you need to be more vocal and involved and not just on election day. (Hell yeah!)
4:16 Republicans have voter sign up drives.
Republican party is much more organize than the democrats. It's easy to beat the demopcrats when they are so unorganized.
4:17 the disappioint to me is what the republiocan leadership has not done. they ahve not fiolled the president aggressive leadership on social security and the idea of optional personal retirement accounts. after we made all thsi hoopla about republican control. the presdeint ahs been out tehre quarterbacking while the offensive line stayed on the sidelibnes. The public has got to keep teh elected representive feet to the fire. ":in order for them to see the light, they've got to feel the fire.
(Clareified Scoop: Georgia Senate candidate says "Set your officals on fire. Let the MothaF-ckas burn."
4:19 Correct the misinformation that teh Democrats put out.
4:20 Karol: "She's my congresswoman!" (umm..budddy you live on the east side -ed.)[Update: My bad.]
4:20 wake up call has got to be for everybody. teh Republicans need to start playing to win. Not putting together seven republicans and seven democrats because all that did was divide and keep it in limbo.
4:21 Bush has attempted to do what Clinton promised to do. Ace voted for Clinton in '92.
4:21 Do you think the Democrats have principled disagreement or opportunist obstructionism.?
4:22 Cain: "Absolutely opportunism. First time in a long time that we've have a republican president and republican congress. For decades it's been moving toward 2017 and there'll be more money coming out than money coming in."
4:23 Cain: They are going to have to raise taxes and reduce benefits. The only question will be when will they raise taxes. They want to wait until it's in a crisis situation so that they can say we can't cut off grandma's check so we have to raise taxes "Agin" (HAHAHAHAHAHAH...southerners talk funny. -ed.)
4:28 Herman Cain has a website, and a radio show and A BOOK!!!! Buy Buy Buy.
4:29 "New York Liberal Times" (I wish. -ed.)
4:29 Did I mention that Herman Cain has a book?
4:29 Get this! Ever since teh president signed the tax cuts we have 14 quarters of gdp growth. yet the democrats still say where are the good jobs. (sons of bitches. -ed.)
4:30 how much growth or retraction is based on psycology of the people? Ace thinks that showing the printing of 100 dollar bills makes the economy grow. (Who think you stupid now? -ed.)
4:31 Cain thinks it's deliberate and impacts the public. The Consumer Index reflects people feeling confident and will spend money and plan longer term. But when the media plants negative ideas it impacts people in a negative way and puts a drain and a draw on people. (Again...who think you're stupid folks?)
4:32 Cain is a true conservative not just a Republican. democratic party is ideologically bankrupt. What did john kerry put on the table? nothing. at least Republicans put their ideas on the table. "Fair tax proposal," "personal accounts. Clareified Scoop: Cain Prefers Sucky ideas
4:33 I'm not happy with every idea they have all the time but the Democrats have enetered the Dark side as darth vader would say "okaaay?" (No buddy we don't claim that we are on darth's side, we merely pray that Darth is on our side.)
4:35 Dems haven't had an origincal idea since FDR signed teh Social Security bill. Naacp subsidiary of the democratic party and teh AARP which is another subsidiary of the democratic party.
4:36 Cain worked for America's Pact? (guess you get a lot of time on your hands when you don't get out of your party's primary. -ed.) Had comemrcials and radio ads in black markets and where they ran those ads on the issues, not just "Salute the republican flag" (hmmm....i wonder how many stars on the Republican flag...-ed.)African american votes in those markets were twice what they were nationally, "It's not a white problem or a black problem, it's a green problem."
4:37 Cain: Now Republicans have just got to produce results on these issues. (HAHAHAHAHAHAAH)
4:38 Ace thinks blacks don't think... about voting Republican.
4:38 Karol: "you've got to reach out to them." (Awww...they are going to take time out of their day "to reach out to us.")
4:36 Hey, look slike Herman Cain has got a book out.
4:39 Ace only has moron opinions. (Heh -Ed.)
4:40 European beuacratic elites desperately want this. And they are unresponsive to the true wishes of the people they are serving. Dude, is Ace praising the French??
4:41 The death penalty is popular in Europe among the people, but they main the fascade of superiority is because they are not respecting the wishes of their own population. (Dude, how many Americans want to legalize drugs? Or get out of Iraq? Who listens to them? -ed.)
4:45 OK. Home stretch.
4:45 "Wildly popular" Yet it gets a plug. Dangnabit.
4:45 Charles Johnson is on in the 'Pipes slot.' Herman had to leave early.
4:46 Charles loves Europe, just doesn't like certain Europeans.
4:46 No vote is good regardless of the reasons. It was a rejection of american values and capitalism and everyone wanted to keep their 35 hour work week and six week vacation.
4:47 Ace is on board with the French lifestyle. (Dude, me too. -ed.)
4:47 In the long run, it's better taht they voted it down.
4:48 Ace: anti-americanism is the jingoism of europe. passive-aggressive national pride. (Hahahaha...good line. -ed.)
4:48 Why do they keep putting that number up there? Does this show have callers anymore?
4:49: Switching gears from Europe to teh middle east. (Smooth, Kar, smooth -ed.)
4:49 Charles "Abbas is Arafat in a nicer suit." He has a history of being a holocaust denier.
4:50 Charles plugs the blog.
4:50 Ace asks about his politics. Charles was a "left-leaning" independent.
4:51 Is he allied with a party or just in the pro war against terrorism? Karol has heard of "Little Green Football Conservative."
4:51 Ace still chasing that crazy blog money.
4:52 Charles: People who were socially kinda liberal are now quite a bit more hawkisk on the foreign policy terrorism front.
4:52 Charles simply reposts stories. he is anti-radical Islam. I know some Muslims who were quite wonderful.("Some of his best freinds are Muslim -ed.)
4:53 Islam always spoke with a sword in the hand"
4:54 This might be their best show so far -ed.
4:56 My favorite part of the show!!! How will they sign off? Any bets?
4:57 A caller! John from Greeenville. Is this the same guy from the first show?
4:58 How do you feel about *cyberstalkers* (umm...against? -ed.)
4:58 Charles: they have become somewhat of a problem because they have become a nuisiance. People find out his clients and have people call and harrass them.
4:59 Ace is right in being defensive about his anonymity. If Charles had it to do over, I might have been anonymous.
5:00 Closer this week: "This is Ace with ma buddy Karol and hopefully we'll *see* you nect week on HTAAF." Ah...now Karol is saying 'bye-bye.'

RUSSIA WATCH

Karol's pissed. I'm not sure if it's because a hot guy is going to prison for nine years or because of the procedural injustices of his trial.

ARTHUR ANDERSEN IS UNCONVICTED

What's that 'too little, too late' saying?

I don't know how much people followed Arthur's trial, but essentially they were convicted of obstruction because one of its in-house attorneys suggested alternative language on a document and that change was implemented. Now, regardless of all the Andersen/Enron accounting shenanigans, no attorney/client counseling should be criminalized.

17 WITH A BULLET

My cousin Derek was easy to explain.
A street hustling thug, he was the first person to offer me pot and stick his tongue out at me in that nasty suggestive way no one should ever aim at an eight-year-old girl. So when he was shot to death by cops while attempting to getaway in one of the police cars that arrived at the scene of his last burglary, no one, except his grandmother was surprised.
Reynoldo was much harder.
Four years older than I was, my mom would pay him five dollars to take me to dance classes during the school week and pick me up at the end of an hour. During the winter, we’d usually use the cash to buy candy before heading to our aunt’s house to play Atari. Reynaldo ran track and his mom’s mantle was covered with all trophies from his high school meets and summer track competitions. Two months before his high school graduation he was killed by a stray bullet while dancing at a local nightclub.
He was seventeen.
His killer, nineteen at the time, will be released from prison today, having served 2/3 of his sentence – seventeen years.
Reynaldo’s entire lifetime.
Having already been held hostage at gunpoint when I was a kid, it didn’t take the deaths of my cousins to turn me off guns. Any arguments to convince me that gun ownership should not only be a constitutional right, it should be mandatory, would be as successful as…well, convincing a Chernobyl victim of the virtues of nuclear power.
Ain’t gonna happen.
Sadly, it seems that having one’s family “touched by a bullet” is the most persuasive argument against the lunacy of the right wing gun nuts.
Just ask former Republican Carolyn Maloney.
It amazes me, though, that until the death of her husband and paralysis of her son, she didn’t see how an automatic weapon in the hands of a lunatic might be a bad thing.
In the face of a high school shooting, a courthouse massacre and a church service killing spree, all within a ten-day period, how delusional does one have to be to continue to oppose firearm control?
Last month I toured the Tampa jail system. The complex houses the accused murderers, arsonists, rapists and burglars in Florida’s second largest county. Basically, the worst of the worst Tampa has to offer. Allegedly.
But there was one thing very conspicuously missing.
“Excuse me, warden?”
“Yes.”
“Um…why aren’t the officers armed?”
He laughed at the question.
“Miss, this is no place for guns. Can you imagine?”
Yes, I can.
But unfortunately, I don’t have to.

POCKET TENS ARE EVIL

Discuss amongst yourselves.

JESSE? IS THAT YOU?




Take the Which Character Am I? Quiz



via Esther

I was soo trying to get Judd Nelson.

LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT...

He stole someone's TELEVISION?

Probably their only television...dude's lucky he didn't get death.

'CRASH' AND BURN IS MORE LIKE IT

Hollywood just doesn’t know how to do movies about race. That horrible Anthony Hopkins as black man flick…John Travolta in White Man’s Burden…now Crash. Disasters all. Am I supposed to ooh and ahhh when a racist white cop saves a woman from a burning car even though she’s…gasp…black?
Or be shocked that a Mexican guy with tatooes all over his body is a good father?
Oh and don’t forget Chinese immigrants sometimes have accents.
It’s just soooo crazy, I smell an Oscar.
I guess so, because that is the only explanation I have for the critical success of Crash.
The dialogue is almost as predictable as the “ironic” situations the characters find themselves in. Of course, the good white cop ends up shooting an unarmed black kid. Or that rich white lady realizes her Hispanic maid really is only “friend.” (Yeah, I’ll be your friend too missus, as long as that check clears every month. Biatch.)
It’s kinda depressing that in 2005 this tripe is considered groundbreaking.
Yeah, we all have different cultures, backgroundS and economic realities, but hopefully we can all agree that we don’t need to plunk down $10.50 to watch some lame ass movie “explore” those differences.

NOW I JUST NEED THE RACE CAR

Gordon complains that only fat women should be allowed to race cars.

FUN WITH NUMBERS

The next time you come across an American flag, count the number of stars. Results may surprise and amuse you. I found 54 yesterday.

SOMEWHERE SISTER FRANCIS IS SMILING

Viagra linked to blindness in men who take the drug.

Hmmm...I wonder if this will cause "Governor Chump" to reconsider his new ban?

WHAT.IS.UP.WITH.GEORGIA?

Suspected murderer takes refuge atop crane in Atlanta.

JJ ABRAMS BLOGGING


Does anybody kick as much ass as he?

How much you wanna bet he says his real name is Jack Bauer? Alias does take place two years after 24.

CAN YOU SAY OVERKILL?

Gov. George Pataki temporarily cut off all public funding for Viagra and other erectile dysfunction drugs Wednesday and proposed legislation allowing the state to target only convicted sex offenders for such a funding ban.
"This temporary ban will ensure that no sex offender receives these drugs at taxpayer expense while we push to pass legislation that will allow the Health and Insurance Departments to obtain the complete sex offender registry and put a targeted ban in place," the Republican governor said.

Or as a wise woman once said "child molesters ruin everything for everybody."

LOST BLOGGING

Has there ever been a cooler explosives-related death in the history of cinema?

"Dude, that was messed up." hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

WHEN YOU'RE FIRST OUT AT YOUR TOURNEY TABLE...

You're left with the small comfort that you weren't the first out in Pauly's Noble tournament at large.

On a completely related note: a pox on both your houses asphnxma.

Incidentally, I lost all my money in the space of two hands where my pair of tens were bus-ted.

LIVE BLOGGING 'HTAAF'

4:04 A minute to go and still no Dorian IM. Today's broadcast is off to an inauspicious start.
4:05 My office is so cold, my fingers are numb.
4:05 "Resplendent ensem" from J.C. Penny? Ace sounds French.
4:06 John McCain saved the Republic! Loving democratic media spirit squad.
4:06 Karol: Ohh, Mccain...yesssss.
4:06 Karol quotes Dorian: John McCain, the most popular man who will never be President. Dorian Davis gets a plug! (I guess that's why he's got no time to IM the little people.)
4:07 Is Ace insinuating that John "No MLK Day' Mccain is a DEMOCRAT?
4:07 Liberal Republicans in the Senate will get much praise just in time for their election.
4:08 Karol: Uncle Ace...what's a filibuster?/Ace: well, kids gather round let me tell you a story about the 'concerted and systematic' attempt to filibuster "many" of Bush's nominees.
4:09 Karol: Just to be clear for all of our listeners, the filibuster is the use of obstructionist tactics especially long speech making. (Huh...just a minute ago she didna know what a filibuster was and had to ask Ace. Curious.-ed.)
4:10 Ace thinks cloture is just a misspelling of closure. )Oooh...where's Roberts when you need him?-ed.)
4:11 "Flame throwing Bob Byrd, Former Klansman" (You think that's what's on the good Senator's nameplate?)
4:11 The point of the filibuster is to try to use it only in exceptional circumstances.
4:12 Conservatives are unhappy because they fear that any conservative justice -- anyone who doesn't pass the test of the liberal advocates (hahahahahaha-ed) - is that they are going to filibuster anybody who is not left of center.
4:12 After all that, Ace thinks this could be a good deal.
4:12 Karol holds fast to the idea that "we haven't won anything." (Who knew she was even playing?-ed)
4:13 Mccain said he would make a great President and holds no ill will about the 2000 election.
Karol: "Olympia Snowe...Rhode Island Senator...They are the usual suspects. They are the most liberal Republicans" (Well, let's work together to get them out of the Senate.)
4:13 Camille Paglia or Paulia, I don't know how to pronopunce it, it's an Italian name. She calls Mccain a deeply starnge individual."
4:14 Quasi John Mccain supporetr Ace thinks Mccain is a little off with his preeening and self-righteousness.
4:14 we have two great guests AGAIN!!
4:15 A gravy train of guests? Mmmm...gravy. "I always forget about the triumphs of others."- Ace (Hmmm...I smell a new quote for his site.-ed)
4:15 Scott Johnson of powerline. Great blog competes with instapundit in telling what the news is of the day
4:16 Karol: a Can't miss blog! She should trademark that.
4:16 KArol: Do most americans even know what they are?
4:16 Powerline guy thinks the people most responsible for Bush's reelection really care. He got more e-mail about this than Dan Rather (Nooooo (insert surprise))
4:17 Robert Byrd being now called a moderate and Ace thinks he's one of the most partisan voices in the Senate. "he's a fire bomber" [Is Ace a pyromaniac?]
4:18 To see Robert Burd trotted out front and center made me crave a stiff drink.
4:18 Powerline guy is old enough to remember Byrd being the last segregationist standing. In 2005 he's teh perfect face of the Democratic party. "They deserve him."
4:19 Bring it back as Bobby Byrd's greatest hits
4:19 Karol: And remember when he tried to filibuster...dead silence...
4:20 Powerline guy is reminded of the movie High Noon. (President Clinton's favorite movie -ed)
4:20 Townsmen get their full due today because the
4:20 Democrats seem to be upset about it too and taht has to count for someothing. But I think we got the worst part and didn't win anything.
4:21 Powerline guy doesn't know why New York Times thinks this is a victory for Bush and these people who were supposedly a threat will be confirmed tomorrow.
4:22 Ace, silver miner! "Perhaps this is delaying the final confrontation. If Dewine and Graham are telling the truth (HA, not bloody likely) then they seem to be inclined to believe they can exzecute the nuclear option
4:222 powerline guy is pretty sure there will not be a day of reckoning.
4:23 Ace is echoing. What button did they push?
4:23 If Bush sends up a conservative like Mcihael Mcconell, the dems will invoke this extraordinary circumstances option
4:24 if he sends up alberto gonzales, they would have reaped the rewards by chastening the president without any liabilities.
4:24 Oh, his name is Scott Johnson. (We should proabably read who is gonna be on before we try this exercise next week. -ed)
4:28 HTAAF = ratings debacle?
4:28 "mentally challenged woman who likes to eat sweets is "real stretch" for Rosie O'Donnell?
4:29 Ace was getting lots of e-mails in his mailboxes about how fake the documents were, but didn't believe it until the "heavy hitters" got behind the story.
4:30 Started writing about the sixty minute II story at 7:51 AM Central time -- Ace dubs this an important momemnt in the blogosphere.
4:31 Four supposedly new documents were available in PDF form on the 60 minute II site. He figured if there was nothing to it, there would be e-mails to taht effect. But when he got to work he would post the information available from his readers even though he "still wasn't sure" Then Little Green Football's Charles Johnson declared the documents fradulent.
4:32 Ace explains what Charles Johnson did by rewriting the memos word for word in Microsoft. "And it was a perfect match" -Ace. No difference. "Total visual proof these were written in 2003/2004"
4:33 Is he out of his mind? Was he saying that CBS was committing a fraud?
4:34 Has to be wishful thinking because CBS would not blow something this big.
"Portrayed Bush's service in a negative light which conflicts with everything I knew about Bush's service" (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH -ed.)
4:34 By 10:30, you could look with your own eyes and see it was a fraud.
4:35 Did Ace just call them Hobbits?
4:36 Approximate traffic prior to Rathergate and after? 6,000 readers which started climbing until election day when they had 250000 hits and then it fell off perciptously. (to the lowly 150,000 hits...*sigh*-ed)
4:37 Is teh Newsweek story the same as teh Rather story or are there differences?
4:37 He thinks it was a lot like the 'fake, but accurate' explanation. Very tough to say, but I don't think isikoff's story was a mistake.
4:38 washington post editor would do periscope columns and they are just for washing through the rumor mill. so if a story couldn't be confirmed it
4:39 Karol: "17 people dead later, that might not seem like such a good idea anymore" Uhh...is this the same woman who was going to make sure she mocked islam until the arabic world understood democracy?
4:40 How is the media different from blogs?
4:40 Ace: "I've had to correct a lot of errors myself and it hurts, but we do do it." (My word, MSM, if *ACE*, can admit when he's made a mistake, why is it sooo hard for you people? -ed.)
4:40 "Hate to be a one-note Johnny" (Clareified SCOOP: "Ace's real name is John!")
4:41 www.powerlineblog.com. (yeah, cause he needs the publicity. -ed.)
4:45 Karol and Ace? Ace and Karol. FIIIINE. (Dude, these two should get a radio show.-ed.)
4:45 When Arafat died there was the hope that there would be lasting peace in Israel.
4:46 Mr. Pipes calls arafat a "monster of a human being" but the problem is that they want to destroy israel.
4:46 The key is not personality or money or american wishes, it is are the Palestinians ready to accept Isreal as a permanent feature. right now the answer is no.
4:48 To argue that this is taken out of context is silly. It is ubiquitous: wherever you turn, posters, sermons, school books, all have the same message "Israel must be destroyed."
4:49 Why the frequent trope about Jews at vampires (I agree with Ace, Karol does suck, but she's no vampire. And it's not cause she's a Jew. )
4:50 Our politics is debased when people bring up Hitler, it's a whole other level when you bring up Dracula...
4:51 What the U.S. government is trying to do is get Israelis and Palestinians together at the table, but what we need to do is get the palestinians to accept the reality of a permanent Israel. Israel wants to be accepted and the Palestinians have to accept that the war is over and they need to tend to their own garden.
4:52 Karol: Sharon sees great opportunities with abbas and he's a hardliner. Mr Pipes disagrees: "Ariel Sharon used to be a hardliner." "SHARON HAS MOVED THE FAR LEFT!" (umm...ok.) "In the course of 2003, he made a hard shift." The result is tremendous friction in his own party. "He has betrayed us!"
4:53 "He grew!"
4:57 Ooh..three minutes left "Thank goodness" (ace can read minds!)
4:57"I find that leftists tend to elevate symbolism over reality" (Stop exhaling --ed.)
4:58 Casual anti-emitism pervades Europe like it did here in the fifties.
U.S. had a "social anti-semitism" it was never murderous" (ooh social hate...so quaint)
4:59 Karol! She asks questions and she answers them! "What could be done about that? Nothing."
5:00 Up next week: Herman Cain.
5:00 "Thanks for listening, bye bye" but oh, Karol gets the last word: "bye."

CAN'T IMAGINE WHY HER MARRIAGE TO PATRICK EWING FAILED...

I was never a [BASKETBALL] fan. I would go to some of the games, but sometimes I would have a book with me. ... The only time I ever went to watch the games was back in the day when they were playing Chicago because I was a huge Michael Jordan fan. I mean, who wasn't?

Dude. Trolley on get.

SO MANY MEMES, I ALMOST FORGOT QUIZZES

You scored as Postmodernist. Postmodernism is the belief in complete open interpretation. You see the universe as a collection of information with varying ways of putting it together. There is no absolute truth for you; even the most hardened facts are open to interpretation. Meaning relies on context and even the language you use to describe things should be subject to analysis. Postmodernist 75% Cultural Creative 69% Existentialist 56% Idealist 50% Modernist 38% Fundamentalist 38% Materialist 31% Romanticist 25% What is Your World View? (corrected...again) created with QuizFarm.com

via Big Orange Michael

STAR WARS 6

Saw it. Would see it again. Long live James Earl Jones.

IN PURSUIT OF A COMPLETE DAWN TAKEOVER OF THE BLOGOSPHERE

Welcome Dawn 2 to blogging, too.

JACKSON TRIAL JUMPS THE SHARK

Before he left the stand Leno put in a plug for Tuesday night's show, saying, ''We have Renee Zellweger.''

Yikes.

SNAZZY ROUTE MAP OF THE WESTBOUND BUS

Again. Awesome. If I weren't standing on the Eastbound side of the street trying to go East.

Can the MTA get anymore incompetent?

SNAZZY MAP OF THE BRONX BUS SYSTEM






Which, of course, would be totally awesome, if I was on a bus in the Bronx and not on a Manhattan bus trying to figure out how to get to the East side of Manhattan.

24

Ok...well, it's good to know that not all foreign governments are as impotent to the prowess of Jack Bauer as the Mexican government last season.

Poor Audrey, now she has no boyfriends at all.

Anyway, I liked the promo for next season: "In Season 1, Jack saved a President; In Season 2 he saved a city, In season 3 he saved a nation, In Season 4 he saved the world...Season Five Jack Bauer saves the Universe!!!" Or I guess since Jack Bauer is dead it'll have to be "Senor Paco McFarley saves the Universe!"

WHEN HIP HOP MEETS MONEY MAGAZINE

Engaged couples can expect to hear more than the "bling bling" bouncing off the bride-to-be's ring -- they'll also hear the ka-ching of the cash register as the average cost of a wedding soars to $26,327, according to a new survey.

I didn't know you could hear bling bling.

QUOTE OF THREE DAYS AGO

I don’t think that vocal opposition to the war is unpatriotic, but telling a soldier about to ship out that you think their mission is a clusterfuck would certainly make one an asshole.

Yeah, pretty much.

NOTE TO INTERNS STARTING WORK ON JUNE 6th

...if you need a good sexual harrassment lawyer, e-mail me.

Not that I am one, I just want you to e-mail me all the sorted details.

TRUE...IF BY 'YOUNGER' HE MEANS CRAZIER

CBS is filling the Friday time slot with "Ghost Whisperer," starring Jennifer Love Hewitt as a woman who talks to dead people.
"I think talking to ghosts may skew younger than talking to God," CBS Chairman Leslie Moonves said Wednesday.

Maybe she'll go back to General Hospital

CLAREIFIED DOESN'T DO RELATIONSHIP ADVICE...

But we do do comprehensive vengeance planning.

I've been reading some craaaaazy posts around the blogosphere.

Some guy who pretends he's taking a woman out for drinks and then has the bartender hit her with the tab.

Oddly enough when she realizes that there are individual bills there will a few prolonged moments of discomfort. But don’t panic. Something that took me by surprise is how many girls suddenly have to ‘go to an ATM’.

Yep, that's the right idea. Leave to go to the ATM. Never go back. I wonder if restaurants really would buy his "oh she's paying for herself" act when he tries to leave without paying for his absent date's fare.

If stiffing the establishment isn't your style (theft and all that jazz), and you'd rather make this jerk personally pay. May I recommend happily paying your share, make plans with the "cocktail tease" to have dessert afterwards or dinner on another day, offer to take his card and set up both the tabs yourself.

Take note of his credit card number and the customer service number on the back. At some point during the evening, excuse yourself (bathroom, phonecall, whatever) and call his credit card company to cancel the card. Actually, most banks will also offer to cancel all other cards, if you'd like them to. You would definitely like them to. If you know his cellphone number and carrier, you can also take this opportunity to cancel his cell service. Depending on how angry you are, it might be worth a few dates to compile as much information on your date as possible so that you can also take care of his light, gas, and cable services.

Girls who date assholes so they can change them?

Umm...the only reason you should date a guy who treats you badly is if he has lots of money and buys you really expensive things. Otherwise, the first time, and I mean, the first time he mistreats you, make up your mind that as soon as you get home you are calling his mom in tears with the news that her son is gay.


A girlfriend "steals" your man?

I'm of two minds on this one. The first, and far and away my standard response to this, who the hell cares. Let 'em have each other, you're better off without either. However, this approach is obviously not very satisfying. I mean, what if it turns out they are a perfect match for one another, fall madly in love, get married, have kids and the perfect life together? That hardly seems a fair end to such a shady act.

However, I have to disagree with Ari about the fighting. You never, never, never fight over a guy. Can you imagine the ego boost? Hell no. Fight the guy maybe, but never over him. If you want to beat the girl down, ok, but wait a couple of years and find a different reason. For the sake of all womankind -- do not gives guys that kind of big head.

And so behind door number two we have...play it cool. Once you find out, don't yell or freak. Smile. Explain that you had a feeling something was going on all along and really, it doesn't bother you. Wish them well. Hang out with them. And then when the opportunity arises, you stick pins in all their available condoms. Needles probably work just as well.

Creepy ex won't leave you alone?

Report him to the police. If there might be some question as to his/her immigration status also call INS. (Oh and keep in mind, the questionable status may be of some first degree relation, like mom or brother or cousin. All worthy of a well-placed INS call.) If s/he uses e-mail or snail mail to continue to harrass and annoy you, call the FBI.

Friends spreading nasty rumors?

Pick an STD and sign them up for that national mailing list. Depending on the rumor -- you might wanna pick two or three different ones.

Bad break ups --- well, that could very well be a whole other post.

Anyway, I should end here, with the usual caveat that nothing on Clareified constitutes legal or moral advice. Please consult your own conscience and local district attorney's office to determine the legality and/or reprehensibility of any of the above.

Oh and I'm just kidding.

Let the is Dawn Summers crazy or evil debates continue.

IS THERE A MARTIN LUTHER KING BOULEVARD IN ISRAEL?

Just wondering why Second Ave has been renamed Yitzhak Rabin Way?

APPRENTICE BLOGGING

Tana is one crazy mofo.*


*Editor's opinion, does not constitute a medical diagnosis.

MY FRIEND STEVE

And some Asian dude.

YOU BE THE JUDGE

Here's Dawn doing her best Dorian Davis impression, sans any quoting of Thomas Jefferson.

The judge in the Michael Jackson case has disallowed Larry King's testimony because:

"I don't find any reason to allow Mr. King to testify," Melville said in court. "I don't find his testimony would impeach Mr. Feldman. I will disallow his testimony."

Now here's what Larry Feldman, who represents the accuser in the civil case, said:

Under cross-examination by the defense earlier in the trial, Feldman said he had never made statements to third parties about the credibility of the accuser's mother, or the veracity of their claims.

Larry King then says that Feldman told him: the accuser's mother was a "wacko," "erratic" and was pursuing the charges against Jackson "just for the money."

The talk show host said Feldman told him a previous child molestation claim against Jackson about a decade ago "was a definite good case."

King also said Feldman told him he didn't want to represent the mother and advised her to contact authorities with the allegations.

Sounds like impeachment testimony to me.

Cynthia McKinney: Profile In Courage

Congresswoman casts lone dissenting vote in Bill that would ban women from combat.

Can someone explain to me how in a time of war, when the government is employing stop loss measures that keeps people in the reserves on active duty beyond their contractual stints because the military needs to bodies, how exclusing women and openly gay from combat duty is a good plan?

I'll DO IT...BUT I WON'T LIKE IT

An Old Meme suddenly made new again.

Total size of music files on my computer: 6.7GB.

The last CD I bought was: 'Hits' by Pulp.

Song playing right now in iTunes: 'Like A Prayer' by Madonna.

Five songs I listen to a lot, or that mean a lot to me:
1. Unsent- Alanis Morissette
2. Delicate- Damien Rice
3. What Would You Do?- City High
4. One More Try- George Michael
5. Run To Me - Clay Aiken

And in the interest of being the change I would like to see in the world, I'm not passing this on. But anyone who wants to answer, feel free to go to town in the comments section.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

Karol(excitedly): "Oh My God!"
Me(startledly): What?!
Karol(mournfully): There's no more Alceste blog!

HOW LONG TILL THE OUTRAGE?

American Idol like soooooo racist!

YOU'D SMOKE POT TOO...

If your mom killed herself, your dad killed the neighbor, your girlfriend dumped you, you set fire to her house and then were abandoned by your father and left to live with a stranger.

I'm just sayin'.

NOT SO RANDOM THOUGHT

Bad beats suck...unless you're administering them.

So's Your Face.

LIVEBLOGGING 'HOIST THE BLACK FLAG'

4:03 PM Shouldn't that be African-American Flag? -Ed
4:04 PM Dorian, as usual, provides the pre-show entertainment by assuring me (in all caps) that "nothing is going on between" he and Ace. (What was that saying about 'if you have to say it...')
4:05 OK. Here we go. The hottest names in the conservative movement.
4:05 "No giggling" "Watch the ums" (They think those were their biggest problems last week?-Ed)
4:06 Too much show? (No -ed)
4:06 Oooh...headlines of the day.
4:07 Big hub bub about destroying a book. What are we allowed to do 'to break these guys'?
4:08 Sketchy sourcing and consequences be damned. "America suffered another black eye.'
4:09 Karol's all for blaming Newsweek...but the rioters are more at fault.
4:09:10 Silence
4:09:23 But [rioters] are not as fun [to blame].
4:10 Silence
4:11 South Park Conservatives book guy.
4:11 Newsweek fiasco is kinda predictable. We are doing bad things in Iraq and evil things at Guantamo.
4:11 No one at Newsweek took a look at this and said this is kinda incendiary. We should have this double and triple checked.
4:12 Unconscious Bias!
4:12 A lot of the media (cites Nightline and Andrew Sullivan???) is defending Newsweek by saying there are all these rumors going around.
4:13 Nightmares about the Koran being put in the toilet
4:14 It's not as if "some things haven't happened in Guantamo that shouldn't have happened" (HAHAHAHAHAHHAAH -ed)
4:15 Should Newsweek have run the story even if it was true?
4:15 Important to point out that they Newsweek story didn't kill people. (He thinks that's PC to say...oy -ed)
4:16 Karol is pro-Muslim. That's why she blames them!
4:16 No way to interrogate people...WAIT FOR IT...short of asking them questions! (Quote of the Day -ed.)
4:17 Flushing of the Koran is obscenity.
4:18 Christians and Muslims react differently to insult of their religion. Christians, I guess, are used to it.
4:18 Karol "they need to learn that it's part of a free process" (and she will insult their religion until they finally get it. -ed)
4:19 Caller! Missed his name. Has a question about South Park conservatives and social conservatives.
4:19 "Someone who isn't a traditional conservative" cause they know pop culture and aren't into censorship.
4:20 Attempt to control and police the way one speaks and thinks is turning off campuses from liberals. (hahaahhaahahah -ed)
4:21 (What is that gurgling sound? I wonder if I play it backwards will it say that Ace is dead?)
4:21 Someone rammed liberalism down Ace's throat. (Dorian, we're looking at you. -ed.)
4:22 Oooh Ace cited John Stuart Mill! (My favoritest political philosopher ever. Much better than Jesus. Please don't riot, Christians.)
4:23 Gurgle, gurgle, gravitate...gurgle...cool.
4:23 Karol: We had the RAMONES!
4:24 Right wing ideas are FORBIDDEN on campus. (Man, I wish)
4:24 "Not an appealing worldview that leftists are spouting these days!"
4:25 Ace: "Talk Right Radio" (hardly -ed)
4:28 The great philosopher Eric Cartman. Philosopher. Fourth Grader. Karol: And thinker (yes, don't forget thinker)
4:29 Ace would like to blame the Academy.
4:30 Ace does a terrible Cartman.
4:30 Comedy Central's "highest rated show"?
4:30 Few examples of shows that take on the left. "Abortian rights" and hippies are sacred in Hollywood.
4:31 Karol: Is that really what Colorado is like? giggle giggle
4:31 Speaking of political sensibility of Colorado...
4:31 YAY! Protein Wisdom!!!
4:32 Liars. Filthy liars. (Screw you guys, I'm going home.)
4:33 Blah blah blah. Where's Jeff!?
4:33 Ace does math: South Park hits liberals 75% of time and conservatives like... um... 25% of the time... AT LEAST!
4:34 YAY! Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff
4:34 Who is a SPR in the blogosphere?
4:34 The names on the cover should be a subtitle.
4:35: Idiot bloggers like Glenn Reynolds, perhaps yourself, Andrew Sullivan coined the phrase so perhaps he falls in this category. "He's still a fine essayist and a smart guy" (aww thanks - Andrew Sullivan via Ed.) (oops that should be idiosycratic!-ed.)
4:36 The worst thing Republicans could do is push for extension of the regualtion from broadcast to cable.
4:36 Ace likes his booby channels.
4:37 Private viewing of cable channels should be unfettered! (Hoist the African-American Flag, indeed.)
4:37 Sigh. I miss Jeff.
4:38 The marketplace is rewarding films that aren't knee-jerk liberal.
4:39 Karol: Someone once said Fox news got started so it could cater to this specifc demographic: half the country." (I know who said it. Karol a million times since she heard it.)
4:39 More screenplay writers, more directors in the future on the right. Hollywood will be the last beast to change.
4:40 Every major publishing house turned down Ann Coulter. (and yet...)
4:40 Which surprised publishers more that conservatives knew how to read or that we had money to buy books? (Can I take this one? -ed)
4:41 They have to wrap it up. Oooh we can check him out!
4:42 Remember when Jeff was on? He was soo funny and dreamy and I could totally tell that he was just a really great person.
4:43 They've still got a whole other guest?
4:45 Welcome Back. Deroy Murdock is with them.
4:45 Ace really wants to get into it with Deroy.
4:46 Ace: Why can't we have the Twin Towers back, with just a little bit extra on top?
4:46 Rather than toy around with stunted building. That is 65% as big. Sends the message to Mohammed Atta that they were right and we had no right to build that high. (Deroy thinks we can send messages to dead people?)
4:47 Bigger, stronger, better.
4:47 Karol: I have to disagree with you. I would never work there. Am I just a chicken?
4:48 Deroy is prepared to die if something happens to the new Twin Towers.
4:48 A lot of companies as a symbol will go back to those buildings. (Riiiiight -ed.)
4:48 Space for a hotel, condo, casino (ooh Karol is suddenly in)
4:49 Why not put the U.N. in the Twin Towers II. That'll absorb the office space. (Riiiiiiiiiight -ed.)
4:49 Ace: I hate that building across from the U.N.
4:49 Karol: I'm worried about Trump's hand in this. He's like...the guadiest.
4:50 10:45 tomorrow at Trump Plaza: see Donald Trump!
4:51 Deroy: Whatever you may say about Trump's taste in marble, he is very good at building tall buildings (and taking them into bankruptcy -ed.)
4:51 Did Deroy just say Governor Chump?
4:51 Zero. Nothing is going on at the hole. Neither concrete nor steel has even been ordered.
4:52 Pataki has left new york city and the world with a sixty foot crater. (Hey, Spitzer two words: Poster Slogan! -ed.)
4:52 I want those towers back up! Deroy moved to New York in 1987 and he's not one of those peopel that only liked the Towers once they were gone (he moved here in '87? I have clothes that are more new York than him, why does he get a say on rebuilding the Towers?)
4:57 Phone call from Ari. Why not put glass at the top? (I know her, I know her!)
4:58 Ari: What they want to put up is skeletal. Now, she's against the glass?
4:58 Deroy: agrees that glass would be skeletal. He wants office space or a hotel.
4:58 PLUG PLUG PLUG PLUG Twin Towers Two .com (Hmmm is two in roman numerals or Arabic?)
4:59 Donald Trump has the force of personality to push this through and get the Twin Towers back to where they belong. (Until they file for bankruptcy. - ed.)
4:59 Ace suggests that this should be the project for the next Apprentice. I don't think Kendra wants to be chilling in New York City.
5:00 Well, looks like they still haven't agreed on a proper signoff phrase. Karol's "tune in next week" battled ace's elongated "bye bye" to a draw.

MOST DISGUSTING LUNCH. EVER. IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD!

When I was little, this is the kind of thing that would have been 'accidentally' dropped on the kitchen floor on my way to the table.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Look, people, Ann Curry SUCKS.

Yeah, sure, she looks good in a bikini, which I guess is a plus for some folks, but that's no reason to force America to listen to her.

BECAUSE TIMING IS EVERYTHING

Promo ad for a course:

Fact Checking 101
June 23, 7-10 p.m.
This seminar will show you:
How to fact-check your own work and how to get work
with publications as a factchecker
Taught by Katherine Wessling, factchecker for
Esquire, Newsweek International, Us Weekly.

AND GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR UPCOMING ELECTION TOO

Vicente Fox laments that Mexican immigrants have it so bad that they are forced to take jobs that "not even blacks want to do."

Hey President Fox, instead of worrying about what jobs Mexicans have when they get here, how about you focus on why Mexicans are so desperate to get out of your hell hole that they'll cram into vehicles so disgusting that not even the Chinese would ride in them.

HELL IS FREEZING OVER

The Bush administration has finally found a business it wants to regulate.

Another official said it will take a sustained effort by Newsweek to "mitigate the fallout," also calling on the magazine to take steps to spread the word about its retraction to Muslims worldwide.

Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld said the flap was a reminder that people "need to be very careful about what they say."

"People are dead, and that's unfortunate," Rumsfeld told reporters. "People need to be very careful about what they say just as people need to be careful about what they do."


Watch out gun manufacturers, tobacco companies and automobile makers, if your products result in death, the Bushies are gonna be all over you.

We interrupt these messages....Part II

If no one blogs about Karol flopping Quad Aces and taking poor pocket Kings in her hand Jessica to the cleaners, does that mean Karol isn't the luckiest woman on the face of the earth, for whom everything always works out?

I didn't think so.

Maybe Petitedov will post the picture.

We interrupt these messages...


Umm...have you ever taken just too big a gulp of water and had an ice cube fall right down your cleavage?

During a meeting.

Brrrr.

NBC IS UN-FREAKING-BELIEVABLE

They cancel Law & Order: Trial By Jury, but keep Law & Order: Criminal Intent?

They schedule Scrubs in as a midseason return "at some point," but renew Joey for a full 22 episodes?

What. The. Flip?

OUR BAD II

Investigator recommends dropping murder charges against U.S. Marine in the killing of two Iraqis.

The Marine Corps should drop murder charges against a lieutenant who fatally shot two Iraqi detainees during a search for a terrorist hideout, an investigating officer recommended in an opinion made public Friday.

Money quote: Referring to the recommendation that Pantano face nonjudicial punishment for repeatedly shooting the Iraqis, his mother said it appeared her son was being "reprimanded for so zealously killing the enemy."

.500, SIGH

In a 4-2 loss to the Cardinals yesterday, the Mets not only fell to 19-19, but they also provided a blueprint for any team looking to play .500 baseball and no better. Starting pitcher Aaron Heilman, lobbying to keep his spot in the rotation, gave up a perfectly mediocre four runs in five and two-thirds innings. Cliff Floyd, on the best hitting spree of his life, balanced things out by swinging at a couple of pitches around his wrists. David Wright sprawled out for one grounder and waved at another.

I blame it all on this damn Yankees' winning streak.

WELL, AT LEAST THE $250,000 IS REAL

In the series premiere, Trump promised the top prize of a job as president of one of his companies. But spend some time with winners of the first two seasons, and the reality of this reality show becomes clear: the apprentices' $250,000-a-year gigs are less about climbing the corporate ladder, and more about using their "Apprentice" celebrity to promote Trump. Then again, perhaps it should come as no surprise that Trump may have engaged in a bit of overselling (or "truthful hyperbole'' as he's called it). "It's a little bit too much to ask someone to be the president of a $800 million building when they haven't had that kind of experience,'' he says.

So basically, Trump's all 'You're retired!'

via Girl I went to High School with

OUR BAD

Newsweek might have erred in reporting that American interrogators at the Guantánamo Bay naval base in Cuba might have desecrated detainees' copies of the Koran.

The magazine said the Defense Department had found no evidence of such desecration; in an editorial, the magazine said, "we regret that we got any part of our story wrong and extend our sympathies to victims of the violence and to the U.S. soldiers caught in its midst."

Or as Homer might say in just one syllable: D'oh.

17 people have been killed during riots in Afghanistan following the Newsweek report. In a classic showdown between the pen and sword for mightniess, my guess is Newsweek and not the rioters will be taking the flak on this one.

POP QUIZ, HOTSHOT


Who is infinietly more annoying, Scarlett Johansson or Gwyneth Paltrow ?

Hint: I submit Johansson's performance in "In Good Company" and Paltrow's in "Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow."

JACK & BOBBY

Well, last night's episode was so wrappy that I guess the show has been canceled.

ICE CREAM MAN GOES POSTAL

Throwing a punch at a boy complaining about the cost of his cold treat has landed an ice cream vendor in hot water.
Nazzareno Didiano, 44, was placed on probation and ordered to attend anger management classes after a trial Tuesday over the May 2004 incident.
The boy, now 14, told the judge that Didiano attacked him as he sat on his bike just blocks from an initial confrontation. The boy testified that Didiano pulled him off the bike, punched him in the face and slammed him into a wall.
Didiano acknowledged confronting the boy, but denied punching him. He said the boy had used various obscenities.
"He instigated the whole thing," Didiano said. "I wanted to tell him I didn't appreciate being talked to like that."
Didiano, who was found guilty of simple assault, lost his job with Paul's Ice Cream Co.

http://www.nylawyer.com/display.php/file=/news/05/05/051105n

OH.MY.GAWD.

Robert George mentioned my name on the Huffington blog.

Do you think Jesse L. Martin or Clay reads them?

ohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh....ok...freak out...over...now.

Jesse call me.

I GET THE MADONNA QUESTION WRONG?


RESULTS

You got 8 out of 9 correct.
Way to go! You are a quiz master!

If you wanna take it, click the link and scroll down to the bottom right and click the box marked CNN 25.

Seriously, the Madonna question?

I WASN'T ALONE

Earlier that month, an ABC television show, "Lost," included a sequence of winning lottery numbers. The combination didn't match the Powerball numbers, though hundreds of people had played it: 4, 8, 15, 16, 23 and 42. Numbers on a Powerball ticket in a recent episode of a soap opera, "The Young and the Restless," didn't match, either. Nor did the winning numbers form a pattern on the lottery grid, like a cross or a diagonal. Then the winners started arriving at lottery offices.

Looks like I have to get some fortune cookies.

POKER BLOGGING

Parking near friend's apartment in Manhattan all day: $46

Cab to friend's house from work: $6.20

Buy-in: $30

Coming in fourth and just out of the money A-FREAKING-GAIN: Priceless

UMMMM...IS THAT A TECHNICAL TERM?

Server Error
Gmail is temporarily unavailable. Cross your fingers and try again in a few minutes. We're sorry for the inconvenience.

LIVE BLOGGING 'HOIST THE BLACK FLAG'

4:00 Groovy, groovy music. Who knew Ace played the guitar so sweetly?
4:01 Next righttalk program begins at five past the hour -- Karol sounds hoarse
4:03 Dorian IMs: 'Two minutes till hiroshima'
4:04 Dorian IMs: put my hiroshima thing. [in your live blogging] wait, no don't.
4:06 Ace calls the show stupid and calls Karol Minkishly coquettish
4:07 Ace reads from his blog.
4:08 Karol uses the word metaphorically
4:08 Ace doesn't realize that Karol doesn't listen to Z-100.
4:08 Karol shocked, shocked, SHOCKED that the Times advocates for certain issues.
Doesn't she know newspapers don't run "covers" they run "cover stories" -Ed.
4:09 Uhh...Ace is now shocked that the Times advocates...did he not hear when Karol did this a minute ago?
4:10 CLAREIFIED SCOOP??!! KARL ROVE is GOD!!!
4:11 Karol on labels: Religious fundamentalist means they're crazy and how dare they follow the bible as it's written?
4:12 Ace and Karol practice for the SAT Ace: moderate means 'we like you!" extremist means ____? Karol: OOh, ooh...I know...we don't like you.
4:13 Is Ace emotionally disturbed?
4:14 Karol credits the blogosphere!! Ace calls Karol brave for crediting themselves. (HAHAHAAHAH -ed.)
4:16 Is Ace trying to get a job at the Times?
4:17 Wow, just 12 minutes in and we get a timely Al Gore invented the internet joke!
4:17 L.A. Times has a "Head muckity muck?" I gotta see that masthead.
4:18 Two FANTASTIC guests. Michelle Malkin and James Taranto. I think Karol is reading.
4:18 "You're doing great!" - Michelle Malkin (They could put that in an ad: Great! - Michelle Malkin
4:20 Having them gaze at their navels is not going to fix the problem. -Malkin
4:21 Malkin is more concerned with the sins of ommission.
4:21 First they call the show "hoist the BLACK flag" now they're insulting token hires.
4:22 Ace wants to be the head muckity muck
4:23 Ooooh...Karol doesn't read Ken Wheaton.
4:23 Ace keeps track of everyone who links to him.
4:23 "That blog will have a shorter run than this show will"
4:23 18 minutes in, Karol drops the I-bomb.
4:24 Karol: Don't you believe that Bush's amnesty proposal to court hispanic voters is misplaced because most immigrants who struggle to get here don't want people getting in who have broken the law? Malkin: YES! (Karol has clearly missed her calling as a cross examiner. I haven't heard a question that leading since ... well... jeez ever. Michelle sounds so happy that someone anyone finally gets her. -ed)
4:26 Dorian IMs: is this dead silence a part of this show?
4:27 Dorian IMs: is it a political statement?
4:28 YAY! They're back. Was starting to go into withdrawal.
4:29 We have a national id system of social security cards and driver's license. We have a system but it's open to criminal subversion. I don't understand civil liberatins objection to a system that can be verified
4:29 Malkin: " Yes. That analysis is Right On." (New commercial Michelle Malkin calls Hoist The Black Flag, 'Right On!'
4:30 Did Malkin just say "boneheaded"?
4:31 Ace: That's disapointing.
4:31 Oooh John in Greenville! First caller. Congrats John.
4:32 PLUG PLUG PLUG Invasion in bookstores everywhere! Go get it.
4:33 (Hmmm...if I call Karol on her cell, will that by-pass the crack RightTalk screeners? -ed.)
4:33 "We don't need to be taking on people who can't pay full frieght especially if they are bringing their extended families" -- the ever contributing to society Ace
4:34 HAHAHA - Karol guy'd him. On Air. She kills me.
4:35 We are like dogs with a bone. Harassers. The good thing about the blogosphere is that we keep up with things. We can be singleminded and we are annoying.
4:36 "What good is a radio talk show by bloggers?" - Michelle Malkin. (Indeed -ed.)
4:36 Karol: MMMMMWWWWWAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH, Michelle. (I wonder if Michelle has a handi-wipe to clean off Karol's lipstick?-ed)
4:37 Did Michelle just swipe at Noonan?
4:38 Michelle zings the 'snobs' in her business who won't admit that there are people who are smarter, funnier and more talented than they are. Ace accepts her compliment and adds "Not so much Karol" (Indeed -ed.)
4:39 Michelle thinks she, Karol and Ace are in "Same generational co-hort." (Heh -ed.)
4:40 'Girls who played D&D were always cool because they hung out with guys.' (That's not what Karol used to say to me in high school...-ed.)
4:45 So, no. Cell phone will not bypass the crack righttalk staff.
4:46 This internet thing is really exciting.
4:46 MMMMMMMWWWWWWAAAAAAAHHHHH, James Taranto. MMMMMMMWWWWWWAAAAAAAHHHHH, Rightwalk.
4:47 Blair Lied, people died.
4:47 Correction of a bubble. Brown is less pro-America than Blair
4:48 Ace: So when running against someone do you think you're forced to disagree with them? (Duh -ed.)
4:48 Huh. Taranto thinks Vietnam taught Democrats that it was okay to root against your country during war.
4:49 NEWSFLASH: Kerry's inclination was to be against the war, but he knew that wouldn't fly, but he couldbn't be totally for the war because he had to win the Howard Dean vote.
4:50 Taranto doesn't think America is against the war. He thinks their moods change very quickly. "You can't take [those polls] seriously and the President is right not to take it seriously."
4:51 Taranto has a voice for radio.
4:51 Ace pronounces Terri Schiavo's name wrong. Disagrees with Taranto and thinks the conservatives are cracking up.
4:52 Taranto digs at George "who writes against tax cuts" Will. "Wouldn't take him as a barometer of public opinion." Karol chimes in that George Will is her favorite conservative.
4:53 "I wouldn't want the Democrats deciding my fate" -- James Taranto (Dude. -ed.)
4:57 Ace asks about the 'Lack of "humorousness" on the left' (Dawn asks about the lack of a dictionary on the right)
4:58 Taranto just Assumes liberals are not funny. Liberals are convinced of their
own virtue.
4:59 They are losing and that puts them in a foul mood.
5:00 Keep listening. They promise "someone I've heard of" (Woo Hoo) Then take it back and promise Ann Coulter (Boo.)

CRAIG SPEAKS OUT

"I don't want to call it the women's season, but it is," Craig Williams told The Associated Press Friday. "You don't have to consider that, but it is a reality. We can't just overlook that. At the same time, we don't want to make that the excuse for why I'm not 'The Apprentice."'

Yeah, especially since "he's stupid," "he's boring," "he's a jerk" and "he's a jerk" are so much more accurate reasons why he's not the Apprentice.

QUOTE OF THE CENTURY

"Christ is not speaking to the press at this time."

The paparazzi have gone too far this time.

RUSSIA WATCH

Having suffered a pretty crushing disappointment last week, after three weeks of nail biting and phone watching, I have been admittedly a bit out of the loop on current events and well, pretty much everything outside of my insecure, self-pitying head.

Lo and behold, it seems I have dialed back in just in time to catch the latest saga on my favorite faux obsession now that John Ashcroft is in retirement -- Vladimir Putin. Or as George Q. Bush would say "My friend Vladimir."

First, the sinister Soviet lamented that the collapse of the Soviet Union was "the greatest geopolitical catastrophe of the century."

Huh.

Take that Greatest Generation. Looks like you guys might as well have enjoyed your youth cause that whole Third Reich thing was no big.

Of course, you can't really blame Bush's friend Vladmir -- Russia is dying. He hardly has anymore businesses to snatch, he's already crushed the independent press and exiled the last of those who would dare oppose him. What's an aspiring dictator to do but reminisce about the "glory days" and throw himself a big old party.

Yesterday's VE celebration saw the return of billboards featuring Stalin all across Moscow and a victory train with a huge portrait of old Josef gracing the engine.

Even ex-pat Karol was all flushed with praise for the Motherland yesterday.

But.

And, I will shamelssly steal here because I haven't seen this thought expressed better:

"The irony of all this is that Stalin murdered more people than Hitler. His cronies shot, tortured, beat, froze or starved to death 40 million people." At least. "At the end of World War II, Stalin's troops arrested all of the anti-Nazi resistance fighters in Eastern Europe and sent them to the KGB's torture chamber, the Lubyanka prison in Moscow. Let's not forget that Stalin's pact with Hitler to divide Poland in half is what started the war in the first place."

That's from a column, unfortunately nowhere to be found in electronic form, from yesterday's AMnewyork by Alex Storozynski who wanted to take time out from his busy day to say thanks to the Soviets "for liberating [his grandparents] from their property."

But Bush's friend Vladimir calls that a "difference of opinion." Liberation/Occupation Potatoe/Potato.

For his part Bush has taken the opportunity to praise Georgian democracy,
while implicitly scolding Russian...um...sortamocracy.

My favorite is Bush's friend Vladimir's comebacks whenever his commitment to democracy is questioned.

"If the press was so free in the U.S., Putin asked, then why had those reporters at CBS lost their jobs?"

Or his latest gem: ``In the United States, you first elect the electors and then they vote for the presidential candidates. In Russia, the President is elected through the direct vote of the whole population. That might be even more democratic.''




True, but to my knowledge none of the candidates have ever mysteriously disappeared just weeks before the election.
So, there's that.

These obviously nonsensical comparisons would be funny, if the realities for the people who live there and a world at the mercy of an increasingly desperate man with larges caches of nuclear weapons to sell, weren't so damn frightening.

RANDOM THOUGHTS

So, I have been off for the past month essentially chasing rainbows with a butterfly net.

The problem, of course, is that you can't catch rainbows with a butterfly net.

But now that I've admitted that to myself, the question is, do I chase butterflies or invent a rainbow catcher?

YOU DON'T KNOW JACK



Legal badass who's not afraid to seek the death penalty for your crimes.




Stoic rebel who's not afraid to take responsibility for other people's crimes.



Secret badass who will kill you.

Government badass who will kill you if you try to kill him.
.
Uhhh....gay. And he dances.
.
Medical badass who will not let you die.

TELEVISION BLOGGING

1) Every so often along comes two actors who look sufficiently alike that while I can tell them apart, it takes just enough effort to not really be worth it.

Ron Rifkin and Joel Grey were one such pair.

The other is Michael McKean and Harry Groener (BTVS's Mayor Wilkins). It was funny watching them both guest star on shows at 9 P.M. on Wednesday.


2) I don't know whose idea it was to have Alfred Molina play Angela Lansbury's son -- but damn if that wasn't the best Law & Order: TBJ and Law & Order crossover ever. Jessica Fletcher is one hot momma.

SCHADENFREUDE

As Rocker left the field, Dave Macken of Atlantic City, a Surf fan sitting near the visitors dugout, yelled, "It's a long way from Atlanta."
According to Macken, Rocker replied, "I'm still a millionaire and you're a piece of [expletive]." Macken told The Press of Atlantic City that the two then exchanged vulgarities.

Oh, John, can't you sign up for Fox's Celebrity Boxing so we can all jeer you properly?

THEY STOLE MY IDEA

VH1 shot a pilot this month for "Reality Rehab," which offers life-coach sessions to rascals like Jonny Fairplay from "Survivor: Pearl Islands."

Bastards.

ARI ASKS A QUESTION...

And the New York Post answers. To wit: "32-year-old never married women are either insane, in prison or gay."

Or something like that.

SITTING ON THAT FENCE CAN'T BE COMFORTABLE

"It's a tragedy that a 13-year-old girl would be in a vulnerable position where she could be made pregnant and it's a tragedy that her baby will be lost," Bush said in Tallahassee.

Fla. authorities lose fight to prevent a 13-year-old in state custody from having an abortion.

24

Has there been a better episode this Season? Whoa.

Oh, and Audrey Raines is a ho bag.

THE MORE YOU KNOW

In addition to Gib's latest observation, I add there is a such thing as a non-microwaveable bowl.

MOSTLY RANDOM THOUGHT

Have you ever wanted to see how far you could get in a conversation with someone who has clearly mistaken you for someone else?

Kinda nod and smile your way to getting as much information as you can, both about who you are supposed to be, and who the person talking is and then, at the end, casually ask to borrow $20 that you promise to return the next time you see them?

FANTASY BASEBALL

I have not one, not two, but three pitchers on the DL.

In other news:

Mets Win!

Yankees Lose!

A continuing series.

Quote of the Day

"If you really want to end tyranny in the world, you're going to have to stay up later. "
-Laura Bush to the President at the annual White House Correspendents' Dinner

"She outlined a typical evening: "Nine o'clock, Mr. Excitement here is sound asleep and I'm watching `Desperate Housewives'." Comedic pause. "With Lynne Cheney. Ladies and gentlemen, I am a desperate housewife."

HAHAHAHAHA

I know I was the only one who enjoyed the Twins comedy routine at the Republican convention, but these Bush women crack me very consistently up.