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Friday, April 29, 2005


Goodness knows, I can see you.


Although Iocaste manages a good one.


Well, hats off to Donald Trump for reminding us that he knows how to fire with the best of 'em.

Thursday, April 28, 2005


Who knew.


Sign the petition.

(Dawn shakes fist) Sign it. (/Dawn shakes fist)


"The world hears all these stories that shed a negative light on Christians," he said. "If you want the world to notice Jesus, it helps to look and live like Jesus."

Well, I guess it beats Kirstie Alley as a spokesperson.


5) Memes like these - Apparently my blog friends enjoy these things, but I am not partially hot for them.

How no one else said this before now astonishes me! Hats off

That doesn't mean that we aren't still waiting on asphnxma and Alceste.

Any day now, boys. Any. Day. Now.

UPDATE: Moments before I posted this, asphnxma screwed me but good and posted his meme, but boys kinda has to be plural for that sentence to work, so...it stays.

Alceste you're on the clock!


A watched phone never rings. Or it does ring, but it's only annoying people who are not the people you want to hear from.


Or why Dawn Summers needs to stop watching Sliders marathons on the Sci-Fi network.



How does he come up with this stuff?

Wednesday, April 27, 2005


Was that TerrorDad?

Sigh...how much longer till JJ lets us in on the evil Nadia and Sloane plot?


So last week Jack & Bobby entered television history as one of a handful of shows where a prominent character has an abortion. Heck, even Sex & the City chickened out and they explored the sensitive subject of sperm taste...so that tells you.

This was big.
And whoa was I surprised when Young Missy knocks on the door and says "I want to have an abotion."
That's right, they didn't disguise it in lovely "procedure" language.
And Grace quickly packs Missy up and took her across state lines for an abortion sans parental consent.
Huuuge. Some would like to see what Grace did criminalized.
Then in slo-mo montage fashion we see her go into the clinic, see Grace waiting for her in the waiting room and then see the hug as Missy comes out of the office (of course, in what I can only suppose was a sop to the evangelicals or an ode to the Godfather, interspersed among Missy's abortion scenes are scenes of Bobby getting baptised in the Episcopal church.)

Amazed, I stayed tuned for "scenes from next week."
I mean oooh is Missy's preacher dad gonna be mad. I bet she has to move in with Jack & Bobby!!
Uh oh.
No angry preacher man scenes. Instead: screeching tires, deer in the road, ominous narrator voice:
"A tragic accident will cost one of them their life..."
So now, spoiler warning if...I dunno...you had to tape Jack & Bobby last night.
Seriously, if you wanna wait for Sunday's 'Easy View'...go read this post, right now.

Okay, now that those wackos are gone.
I was very worried about Missy when I saw those promos.
Nothing says morality tale like girl who has abortion getting killed in car crash a week later.
You know what happened.
Poor drunk Missy decides to climb in the back of a pick up truck...not the backseat--the flatbed. She was standing in the back when the truck hit a deer. Of course, her boyfriend Randy was also standing in the back of the truck, but he hadn't had an abortion -- so Missy was killed.
Don't get me wrong, Missy needed to die. I suggested so myself last year.
But on the heels of her making a decision rarely seen on television, her death sends entirely the wrong message to people, whoever they may be, who take their cues from Jack & Bobby.
In an episode that seemed hellbent on making some point about drunk driving, underage drinking and alcoholism, it's too bad they chose the only victim that would send the message that if you have an abortion, the almighty God himself will strike you dead.
It's too bad, really. I liked it better when I didn't like this show because it was dumb.

Quote of the Day

"Baby is unintended, ergo baby is unwanted. End of discussion. End of baby."

Because it makes me laugh everytime.

No need to read the whole thing, that's the only ha ha funny part. Everything else is groan, ow... my head hurts funny.


Elmer Sapp, 78, and Alfred Hurd, 70, were hunting south of East Wenatchee on Monday when Hurd got out of a pickup truck and chased a bird down an embankment.

Sapp followed and found his hunting partner lying on the ground, according to Chelan County Sheriff Mike Harum. Sapp then went back to the pickup, flagged down a motorist, told the motorist what happened and then collapsed.

Autopsies were to be performed on both men.


Oh, Karma, please don't come get me.


False alarm sends Bush to underground shelter


Well, if so, close your eyes.

The next Apprentice will be Tana.


Mets 3
Braves 4

Yankees 12
Angels 4


Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Gilmore Blogging

Did anyone else think Rory was about to say "Why are they okay with Josh when he's a Jew" ?


But, oh well.

The lovely Jessica sent me a link to a story about Maggie Gyllenhaal refusing to apologize for her comments.
In a statement today she characterizes her comments that "America has done reprehensible things and is responsible in some way," as courageous.

"Not to have the courage to ask these questions of ourselves is to betray the victims of 9/11," she said in a new statement issued by her publicist.

Now, this surprised me since the whole gist of my post was that there was no way she could have meant that 9/11 was the fault of its victims in that 'well, the bitch had it coming kinda way' you hear from abusive spouses all the time.

But, lo and behold, just hours after reading that story, Signor Ferrariendorsed Gyllenhaal's intransigence: There is no question that there is a causal relationship between America's actions in the world and 9/11. There is a reason why America was attacked.

Hmmm...I wonder if Gyllenhaal (and Signor, since he's more likely to read this site) also think Sadaam Hussein is to blame in "some way"?

I don't know, I guess a lot of time has passed, so things aren't as clear as they used to be.

Things like, "America" wasn't attacked. Four planes of sleepy passengers, two buildings filled with middle managers, traders, cleaning women, waiters, etc. and Pentagon employees were "attacked," or murdered, whichever you like.
Attacking America would involve a declaration of war of some kind, petitioning the U.N., targeting America's armed forces.

Holding a little girl at knifepoint on her way to Disneyland and then slamming her plane into a building so that she disintegrates in a ball of fire?

Not so much.

"Collateral damage" implies that there was some other main target. It doesn't describe deaths that predictably flow from taking civilian targets hostage and using them to destroy other civilian targets.

It's good that everyone seems to agree that the deaths were horrific, but horror lessens when couched with "yeah, that was awful...but everyone hates that guy."

Who cried when Jeffrey Dahmer was murdered in prison?

You can be pissed at America's reprehensible acts all you like.


Impose an embargo on American goods, forbid your citizens from traveling to American shores, don't invest in American businesses, file charges in the World Court, denounce the American way of life to anyone who will listen. See also Castro, Fidel.

Hell, declare war on the U.S. if you want.

However, don't break into my neighbor's house, slit their throats and expect me to 'say well, that's what we get for selling weapons to Iran. Hmmm, I wonder if they had two bedrooms or three?'

9/11 was the fault of the sick freaks who carried it out. The blame - in its entirety- lies at their feet.

Now that I've cleared that up we'll reset the 'When will Maggie Apologize' clock.

Monday, April 25, 2005

Dear Blogger,

You know, it would be really awesome if your 'Recover Post' link, I dunno...recovered posts.


Dawn says: Spoilers, Will Robinson, Spoilers.

Marwan says: Peekaboo Jack, I see you.

Girlfriend says: Ooooh, I'm telling.

Jack says: I see your consequences, and raise you my dead wife.

President Logan says: Jane! Stop this crazy thing.

Mike Novick says: Quick! Get me Batman.

Palmer says: I knew you'd come crawling back.

Chloe says: I ain't no Paula.

24 says: You remember Season 2? You liked Season 2? Yeah, me too. Let's do it again.

Sunday, April 24, 2005


I mean Lenny.

Say it ain't so.


Thesis: If the Yankees win, it means the Mets lose. -Dr. Pear Atty

Johnson and Yanks Try New Routine
Randy Johnson retired 17 of the first 18 batters, and by the time Texas scored its first run, the Yankees had built a 7-0 lead.

Randolph Nearly Misses a Sign as the Mets Yield
In an outing that lasted only five and a third innings, Zambrano gave up eight runs, walked three batters and hit two more.

Of course, I'd be more pissed if I didn't have Livan pitching on one of my fantasy teams.


I can finally claim my poker losses on my tax returns!

By the way, if you're looking for a new online poquer site, e-mail me. I'll refer you to this one. The games are limited, but still.


"I think what's good about the movie is that it deals with 9/11 in such a subtle, open way that I think it allows it to be more complicated than just, 'Oh, look at these poor New Yorkers and how hard it was for them,'"

The actress made the comments while promoting her film about the aftermath of the terror attacks, during the Tribeca film festival which was created to revitalize downtown New York after the attacks, on NY1, a local New York station.

So how many days before the Gyllenhaal apology and monetary donation to a September 11th charity for children of the victims? 2? 3?

Has it already happened?

Martha Stewart Under Investigation Again

Officials probe whether the domestic diva's attendance at Time magazine's gala ball violates "work release" conditions.

Personally, I wonder how she manages to find a gown that goes with the ankle bracelet.

NEWT '08!!!!!!

Howard Fineman announces that the Newt is in.


Dumb, but dumber?

Saturday, April 23, 2005


But it's hard to argue that America is becoming more colorblind when we're still missing one benchmark: When will Hollywood dare release a major movie in which Denzel Washington and Reese Witherspoon fall passionately in love?

And race has nothing to do with it.

Friday, April 22, 2005


The Marlins were so overmatched that Lenny Harris actually bunted for a single with Florida down by nine runs in the seventh inning, then laughed all the way to first base.
"I was laughing, too," Martínez said. "We are good friends, and I think he was just playing a joke."
Martínez is giving the Mets more than comic relief. He has delivered four sterling starts this season, given up four runs in his last 28 innings and improved his strikeout-to-walk ratio to an astounding 38-4. Critics cautioned this winter that Martínez could no longer pitch on four days' rest, yet in a seven-inning effort Thursday he gave up one run on three hits to Florida with four days' rest. "Not bad for a guy who couldn't pitch five innings," Martínez said with a broad smile.

Or is that humble pie?


Close your eyes Signor Ferrari! Or better yet take this time to do the meme for Ugarte.

Since I was in the barren land of hotel and highways, but no internet, also known as "Tampa" on Monday night, I didn't get a chance to see the weekly Marwan outsmarts Bauer show until last night.

Hmm...so Evan Handler is now typecast as a lawyer. Interesting.

Putting aside that Marwan happens to have the number of Amnesty Global in his cellphone AND manages to reach someone in the middle of the night AND they happen to have someone ready to go, right there in Downtown L.A., I find it curious that we are supposed to consider Handler a bad guy.

Why couldn't CTU just use that old tactic of telling the suspect that the bad guy would kill him when he found out that the suspect ratted him out? Then threaten to release him with no protection?

CTU has managed, in less than 24 hours, to torture three innocent people. It's like they are torture happy. I hope Jack had lots of pets as a boy.

All in all, another lackluster episode.

But next week... PAL-MER! PAL-MER!! PAL-MER!!


"Balls to the wall"...um...so...Alex, still not gay?

Poor poor Gib...I mean Bren...realizes what was important was under his nose all along.

My prediction: Alex vs. Tana.

Or Alex vs. Kendra

or Kendra vs. Tana.

OK, more specifically, Craig is so gone in the next boardroom.

Thursday, April 21, 2005


"You know, I worked four hours today for 16 dollars an hour. Honestly, I made more than that playing poker this morning."


The East Coco Beach Metropolitans are currently second in both fantasy

That is all.

Oh, one more thing: shut up.


via Iocaste

Wednesday, April 20, 2005


"He promised me I could live forever..."

And then? Anybody?

I'm Onto You ABC

"Desperate Housewives: Sorting Out the Dirty Laundry"?

"Lost: The Journey"?

It's called a clip show, bub, and you're not allowed to do them until Season Four. The very best shows, never do them.

You suck.

I mean, I'll watch, but I'll be channeling surfing as I do.


Alias tonight was genius. If only for the Joel Grey casting. I guess I wasn't the only one who noticed the resemblance.


Mets respond to Yanks' record setting runs in a single innning with a record tying most home runs in a single game.


Woman pointing to toddler in window seat: That's my seat.
Mother of toddler in window seat: Hi. I was wondering if you'd mind switching seats with me? My husband and I couldn't get seats together, I have an aisle seat two rows back and they have these two seats here.
Woman: You have an adorable little girl and a nice husband, I however, have that window seat.

Now faithful reader, I would love to tell you that was the end of the matter and that the little girl did not start screaming and kicking as her father tried to take her away from the window. I would like to tell you that the little girl did not continue screaming until someone in the row in front of them offered to give the woman her window seat and take the mom's aisle seat two rows back.

I would love to tell you that, but it would not be true.


I wanted to write a whole post mocking how sad asphnxma is about to become, but I couldn't figure out a way to do it so that only he would know exactly why he's about to become so sad and why I find it funny.

I guess this is why people make "phone calls."

(So sad, I just had to ask Karol if that was one word or two.)


Just like that.


A couple of years ago I went to a friend's wedding in Michigan. Not wanting to waste a perfectly good roundtrip airline ticket just to celebrate other peoples love, I managed to spend some time touring Detroit. In addition to Motown and the Ford Museum, I wanted to roll down 8 Mile while playing Lose Yourself from the 8 Mile Soundtrack.

Having failed to purchase the 8 Mile Soundtrack in time for the trip, I kinda settled for shouting "Off to work I go/Back to this 8 Mile Rd" as we sped along. I managed the other two AND attending my first ever state fair.

A good time was had by all. But as I exited the Motown museum and looked out onto the landscape of a nothingness interrupted by Fried chicken fast food joints, I silently prayed to God that I never landed in Detriot permanently.

It was the first time I had ever been someplace and felt I needed a shower to wash off the despair.

Well, lighting strikes twice.

Dear God, please don't ever let me end up in Tampa permanently.

Monday, April 18, 2005


I've been hit! I'm down.
Somebody call the paramedics.
Oh, right. In cyberspace, no one can hear you scream.

So, what's the task here? I've got to name five things that people with whom I generally associate think are really cool, but that leave me cold?

For someone who is trying to get an all-inclusive Barry Manilow 's greatest hits CD to upload to her ipod and who has seen every Adam Sandler movie, I'll admit that I find intrinsic persuasive value to anything that manages to get popular support. On the other hand...

1. George W. Bush. Enough already. Bo-ring. And for the love of all that is good and holy, he is NOT attractive in any way. Stop it. On the flipside, enough with screeching. He could be an evil genius, but he probably isn't. Right place, right time comes to mind. He will vanish from the world stage any day now. So drink up and be merry, we'll clean up his mess later.

2. Indie music and punk rock: Yeah, I get it. TRL is soooo uncool. But just because you don't want Carson Daly's fingerprints all over your music collection, does that mean embracing songs with no beats and nonsense lyrics? There has to be some happier compromise. Music should make you dance or sing -- not kill yourself or others.

3. Ace of Spades: Granted I only go there when Karol links to it, but everytime I do I am utterly underwhelmed. For instance, he can't figure out the difference between Tom DeLay using a family's personal tragedy as a campaign issue and Howard Dean pointing out that the Republican party seems intent on hijacking the U.S. government in the name of Jesus Christ. I just don't get the Ace fascination. If you want funny go to Protein Wisdom; if you want crazy right-wing nut, see Little Green Footballs and if you want your peace-loving lefty lunatic ass threatened, see the big dogs over at Anti-Idiotarian because they will seriously kill you.

4. Shoes: Get a grip people. They are not friends, lovers or family. You need one pair for work, one for play. And you should definitely not be paying anything close to $200 for them. End of story.

5. Leaving your house: I guess, I'm not as wedded to this one now that the sky is crystal clear blue and the weather is nearing 70 degrees, but really, there is no place like home.

And now for the moment of truth...to whom do I pass this vicious virus along? A bigger person than I would just not tap anyone. Let the madness stop with me. Kill this evil here.

I, of course, am not that person.

So, Candace, Ugarte, newcomer Robert George and the Birthday Girl you're up.

Unlike Iocaste, I encourage you to trash Lord of The Rings all you want. Especially that first installment.



Oh, and in related news, how can I send Los Angeles and D.C. a memo? 8-4, 9-4? Guys, this is not the American League, ok? Slow your roll. You are making the Mets look mediocre.

Sunday, April 17, 2005


UMMMM... not to state the obvious, but isn't Andrew already a murderer? Or at least a manslaughterer and justice obstructer?

And what the hell was the point of that conversation with the Reverend?

Arrested 'Arrested Development'

Barring some miraculous intervention by the powers of heaven above, tonight's episode will be the show's last.

Hey, John Paul II, if they bring back Arrested Development for another season, I'll ask that the Vatican count that as one of your required miracles.


Evidently, six Democratic contenders are just not enough to take on one Republican Mayor, so Bob Kerrey's gonna throw his hat in too.

Saturday, April 16, 2005


What team has the worst record in the American League?

Friday, April 15, 2005

Brad Pitt breathes sigh of relief

President Not Sexiest Man In the World


Is having to learn the timing of the new elevators so that when you say 'ok, see you later,' to your elevator companion, the doors open. Rather than have your casual farewell be followed with minutes of staring at closed doors while the elevator finally levels itself with your floor.

My view, on the other hand, kicks hardcore arse.


For a guy who bragged about how hard he worked during the offseason, A-Rods stats look like he slumped around the couch eating potato chips and drinking stale Budweiser. He's hitting a sickly .229 with one homer, three RBI, and nine strikeouts, giving many fantasy owners fits. Just think how the Boss, who's essentially a fantasy owner using real money, feels. -Yahoo Sports

I totally agree, A-Rod better spend more time in the batting cage and less time saving self-hating Boston children from truck drivers because if he thinks I won't put Mark Bellhorn at third, he is sadly mistaken.


New insects named after Bush, Cheney and Rumsfeld.

Or maybe it's because they're pests.


I decide to go to bed early one Wednesday night and L&O goes and put my Jesse L. Martin on life support in the backdrop of a case about corporate lawyers killing themselves (and each other) to make partner?

I will never miss an episode of any show again. EVER!

Thursday, April 14, 2005


Really? Alex is not gay as the day is long?

Did you see the look on his face when Bren was all "DUDE! three guys and it's a car! Just think about it? Two chicks and a negro over at Magna Corp?"

But how many great lines from tonight's episode?

"He's a virgin and we're all sluts" -Tanna

General Motors is valued at $25 billion dollars, which by the way, is only 19 billion more than me, which is not great. You started a lot earlier than I did." -Donald Trump

Bren: Alex is asleep. What's up with that?
Chris: He's such a sissy.

"I feel like a girl who just had sex, I've got like a silly grin on my face, it's so awesome." -Kendra

"Exteriorally but interiorally this is truly the design of a sports car" -Chris "street smart" Shelton

"Chris makes up words, like exteriorally and interiorally."

"Soldster roadster"-Chris

Annoyed exec: This cover is very bland. What would attract someone to pick this up?
Alex:"It's a great shape...and the bright color of the pontiac sign"

"The only slam dunk you'll be seeing, is when I fire one of you tonight." -Donald

Trump shook Chris tear-stained hands???????

I'm so bitter that those freaking hacks get to meet Isiah "Walk off the court a Champion" Thomas!!!!

I love him.

But kudos to Kendra with her kicking ass and taking names, Tanna and Craig are giving a bad name to having old people in corporate America (although Kendra checked out on Craig during that toy box building event, so I am inclined to say 'payback's a bitch' on that score.

And again we've got Bren and Alex giving a bad name to lawyers becoming businesspeople.

And now to the most important event of tonight's viewing...I think I'm going to buy a new car...perchance a Pontiac roadster.

Why Candace might very well be my hero

But seriously, when I tell you I have mono, the thing not to say is, "Oooh! You're going to lose weight!" This is an illness, people. I don't want to lose weight, I want to get better. And since most people lose weight because they have no appetite and therefore do not eat and therefore do not give their body nutrients and therefore do not get better very fast, that is the pattern I will NOT be following. Actually, I'm forcing myself to drink Superfood on a regular basis and coming up with creative ways to get enough protein.

Because seriously, I'm sure I'd look much better if I dropped those 20 pounds your friend did when she got mono, but I'd much rather be healthy and happy, instead of staring in awe at the giant bruise on the inside of my elbow that I got from a tiny little blood-test pin-prick five days ago. Healthy people do not bruise from these things.

Get well soon!


Partner Found Dead in Office

Cozen O'Connor partner Michael L. Minsker, 56, a Philadelphia lawyer who opened and managed a Charlotte, N.C., office for the firm and most recently had been in charge of firmwide practice expansion, was found dead in his office Thursday after suffering an apparent heart attack.


So what's the must see/do thing for someone in town for two days on business?


Me: How can I tell if an artist on my playlist is gay?

Karol: Why?

Me: I don't want to be like the President all hating gay people.

Karol: Read me some names.

Me: Ok, the first one is...nevermind.

Karol: What? Who was it?

Me: Shut up.

Karol: What was the first name?

Me: Clay Aiken.

I have just bought a couple of Melissa Etheridge tunes from the Apple Store to end the inquiry.


So, can a man who has sex with other men be straight?

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Crazy right-wing 'logic'

I know, I know.

What more could I possibly expect from the right-wing? But honestly, this latest apoplectic fit about Clinton remarks regarding 'self-loathing' and a gay republican, takes the cake.

Certain pillars of the right-wing community have chosen to broaden Clinton's comment and presume it applies to all gay republicans everywhere. Then, others yet have taken the opportunity to point out that Democratic leaders don't support gay marriage. (By the way, thank you for that. Are you listening America? Democratic leaders don't support gay marriage.)

But facts are facts, (and in this case, unlike when Shep uses the phrase, these are reality based facts) Clinton was referring to one gay Republican. A gay republican who took advantage of Massachusetts' "activist judges" to get married, despite the fact that one-third of the Republican party platform last year was all about how those activist judges and (I guess) Spongebob Squarepants' homosexual agenda were destroying America.

As for the digs at my party: no Democratic leader supports banning gay marriage the way we ban slavery, as an abomination contrary to our constitutional freedoms. That is, however, the Republican party line, as articulated by its party's head: President Bush.

Which brings us back to Clinton's point. What are you to make of a man who takes advantage of laws forced upon the poor citizens of Massachusetts, even though his party is determined to exile the practice to the barren wastelands of history reserved for the likes of involuntary quartering of English troops and religious persecution?

Best case scenario, he is a self-loathing Republican.


Judge rules that man must secure gainful employment as a lawyer and pay $40,000 child support.

The Daily News had a great headline about the story of a man who enrolled in Divinity School rather than file the necessary papers to become a member of the bar:

Take This Job & Love It!

A Brooklyn judge wants a deadbeat dad to choose the law over God - telling him to use his legal degree to make money to support his kids, and postpone plans to become a minister.


There are so many morals to this story:

1. Women: make your husbands put you through professional school first.
2. If you don't want to be a lawyer, don't take the bar three times,
3. Hell hath no fury...etc. etc.

Funny sidenote: I went to law school with this guy!


HOUSTON -- A defense attorney charged with carrying a gun into a courtroom did so unintentionally, his lawyer said.
Dennis Richards, 57, was arrested for carrying a five-shot Derringer in an empty pack of cigarettes. Richards did not brandish the weapon, but someone notified a bailiff about it, officials said.
"This was not intentional," said Richards' attorney, Abraham Fisch. "It is a very small gun and it was an accident that he brought it to court."
Fisch said his client, who has practiced law for 31 years, had the weapon for protection because he had recently been carjacked and beaten.
Authorities charged Richards with carrying a weapon inside a government building, a misdemeanor punishable by up to a year in a state jail. He was released after posting a $5,000 bond.

Is this one of those only in Texas things?


"At my insistence, I wanted it to be a one-hour finale," said Trump. "We ended up with a reunion and all of this nonsense. Nobody wants that. What they want is a finale where somebody gets fired."

Of course, the show already jumped the proverbial shark when Trump admonished the remaining contestants for failing to do the market research which showed that "people don't want meatball pizza, they want cheeseburger pizza!" A remark which was promptly followed with a commercial starring 'The Donald' for Domino's cheeseburger pizza.


At least in New York City land of the "Thru-Streets."

Where do I go to get pins and shirts made?


So I'm packing away Winter clothes last night when my mother says:

"If I were you I wouldn't pack away those clothes yet."

To which I replied:

"If you were me, you wouldn't last a day."

To which she replied:

"Ha. What's so hard about sitting around all day?"

Suddenly I had a terrible panic attack about Freaky Friday and somehow waking up this morning as Joyce Summers.

Not cool.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005


Well, that's one way for the gun lobby to win my support.

via Iocaste

Monday, April 11, 2005


No Justice in TV Land. Boone dies, but Keeler survives a missile hit and a plane crash?


Oh, and not to be racist (some of my best friends are white), all these middle-aged white guys are confusing me. Who is the guy that was talking to Tony about not sleeping with Michelle?

And what's the deal with the Mike Novick working for the other party now?

On the up side, we finally have a villian worthy of Jack Bauer. Marwan kinda kicks ass.


Could NSYNC be next?

Sure, Chris Kirkpatrick will have to have some serious conversations with Kirstie Alley, but oh wouldn't it be worth it to have a follow-up to 'Celebrity'?


Girl #1: So I went on a tour of the CIA building and they have a huge statue of Nathan Hale in the lobby. But our guide was like: 'I don't know why he's the CIA mascot, he was the worst spy ever.'

Girl #2: Really? Was he some Cold War spy?

Girl #1: Uh...no...Revolutionary War.

Girl: You get more flies with honey than with vinegar.
Boy: Yes, but you get the most flies with shit.


Apprentice contestant who claimed that giving up chewing tobacco had made him less aggressive has been arrested on disorderly conduct charges. Of course, moments after he made that claim he then threatened to break knee caps with a baseball bat....so, there's that.


Faced with the news that Al Lucas, a lineman for the Los Angeles Avengers, died Sunday afternoon after sustaining an apparent spinal cord injury while trying to make a tackle early in the Arena Football League team's game at Staples Center, the public wondered what in dangnation the Arena Football League was.

Is this like WWF, one reader asked.


This weekend I was in our nation's capitol in time for the cherry blossom festival. I took a cab to the Basin and walked down to see the the pink leaved trees and visit the Jefferson memorial for the first time. There were hoards of families waiting in line for peddle boats or having picnics on the water's edge. I walked around half the perimeter of the basin, until I reached the Jefferson memorial stairs.

As I climbed them, I thought of "The Simpsons" episode where Lisa goes to the statue for advice on how to handle Springfield's corrupt Congressman.

Maybe I should ask him a question or two.

Of course, since there were a fair number of people milling about the dome, I thought better of having a conversation with our nation's third President.

The memorial is very impressive. Jefferson towers above you, while his words -etched on the walls-surrounds you with great effect. I think Dorian needs to take the trip down. There is one quote in particular that he definitely needs to see.

From there I decided to find the newly constructed F.D.R. memorial. I was told it was near the Jefferson memorial.

Twenty minutes and one bridge crossing later, I knew I had been misinformed.

I kept walking, and scanning the directories along the way for any hint of FDR. Finally, I reached a huge sign which read:

Franklin Delano Roosevelt Memorial in fancy gold lettering.

It was perched atop a grassy hill, so I walked up the cement path toward it.

There wasn't much there: more cherry blossom tress, grass, and a few benches.

I kept walking until I came to a softball field.

Hmmm...this is all very nice, but hardly fitting of a "memorial" status. I mean, where's the statue and the pillars? This is just like a field or something.

The Franklin Delano Roosevelt Meadow.


Snickering to myself, I kept walking along the path, until I finally came to a clearing. I spotted a water fountain and just the the left of the fountain, I saw a man taking a picture of his wife.

She was sitting in an old style chair and smiling at his lens.

This is it?! I thought. You walk through a meadow and then take pictures in FDR's chair?


But still I walked over to them figuring that I'd give it a go.

The man took a few more pictures and then walked over to his wife.

Ok, lady.

Any day now. Give someone else a chance.

Still she didn't move.

Her husband was eyeing me suspiciously now.

I held my ground, but tried to avoid eye contact.

As I glanced around, waiting for her to get up, I spotted a huge waterfall against a black granite background.

Uh oh.

I turned back in time to see the man wheeling his wife down a ramp heading for the basin.



Indeed, the memorial was just a bit further up the path I had been walking on. I had entered from the back!


Last week, Ukrainian President Viktor Yushchenko asked the U.S. Congress for economic support to spur progress in his homeland.

Today, news reports indicate that Shimon Peres plans to ask Washington to help pay for Israel's withdrawal from Gaza.

I am literally on the edge of my seat to see how Washington will respond. (Seriously, the computer screen in my new office is further away than I am used to, so I am currently perched at my chair's edge.) I mean, the U.S. won't give money to poor Americans to attend college, buy food or pay for housing without demanding the money be repaid with interest or that the recipients pick up garbage from the parks or flip burgers at fast food joints in exchange. With our debt and deficit increasing to record levels, no way are we handing cash to international beggars, right?

But what message would rejection send about the administration's support for Yushchenko or the Gaza pull out?

Personally, I think the U.S. should sponsor an international lottery. Other countries can buy as many $1 tickets as they want and if they match the five main numbers and the final Mega Millions number, they could win a minimum $10 million jackpot.

All it takes is a dollar and a dream.


I can't shake the feeling that I am forgetting something. It's been haunting me for a few days now, so just in case:

1. Hey! Happy Birthday!

2. Congratulations, you rascal!

3. Happy Anniversary and Many Happy Returns!!!!

4. Sorry, I couldn't make it, I came down with a nasty bug on Friday/Saturday/Sunday!

5. Dude, I had to go out of town for business this weekend. So sorry I had to miss your thing. Hope it went well.

6. I'm thinking of you, we should go out for coffee next week.

7. Insert your own appropriate CYA phrase here.




The East Coco Beach Metropolitans are currently first in both fantasy leagues.

That is all.

Saturday, April 09, 2005


My Mets are the only winless team in baseball!!!

What did I tell you?

So chill.

P.S. Asphnxma, sleep with one eye open. You are so on 'The List.'


Things I expect from a five star/$400 per night hotel in a major metropolitan city

1. A working toilet

2. Toothpaste

3. A timer on the television

4. Internet access

5. At least a hint of water pressure in the shower stream

Things I do not expect from a five star/$400 per night hotel in a major metropolitan city

1. A plumber walking into my room, with his own keycard, when I am in bed, at 11 p.m. to "fix" toilet.

2. To awaken to find construction workers right outside my window

3. Having the sign pointing to my room lead to an exit door

4. A wake up call to come 30 minutes after I schedule it

5. An attitude from the desk clerk when I called for the third time for someone to fix the toilet.


The thing to remember if you ever plan to throw blogger parties: they have GOT to be more fun than sitting at home actually blogging, otherwise, what the hell is the point?

One For The Books

#Game No : 1870967217 ***** Hand History for Game 1870967217 *****$0.5/$1 Hold'em -
Seat 9 is the button
Total number of players : 10
Seat 3: maddog2204 ( $7 )
Seat 4: eumyang83 ( $33.25 )
Seat 5: WMWolverines ( $22.25 )
Seat 7: everglaze ( $65.75 )
Seat 8: huffin01 ( $29 )
Seat 1: dawnsummers ( $16.25 )
Seat 10: hkk98 ( $24 )
Seat 9: mytide ( $45 )
Seat 6: gilan36 ( $20.5 )
Seat 2: figment69 ( $26.5 )
hkk98 posts small blind [$0.25].
dawns posts big blind [$0.5].
** Dealing down cards **
Dealt to dawnsummers [ Jd 8d ]
figment69 calls [$0.5].
maddog2204 folds.
eumyang83 calls [$0.5].
WMWolverines raises [$1].
gilan36 folds.
everglaze raises [$1.5].
mytide folds.
hkk98 folds.
dawnsummers calls [$1].
figment69 calls [$1].
eumyang83 calls [$1].
WMWolverines calls [$0.5].
** Dealing Flop ** [ 2d, 9d, 5d ]
dawnsummers bets [$0.5].
figment69 raises [$1].
eumyang83 folds.
WMWolverines calls [$1].
everglaze calls [$1].
dawnsummers raises [$1].
figment69 folds.
WMWolverines calls [$0.5].
everglaze calls [$0.5].
** Dealing Turn ** [ Td ]
dawnsummers bets [$1].
WMWolverines raises [$2].
everglaze folds.
dawnsummers calls [$1].
** Dealing River ** [ 7d ]
dawnsummers bets [$1].
WMWolverines raises [$2].
dawnsummers raises [$2].
WMWolverines raises [$2].
dawnsummers calls [$1].
WMWolverines shows [ Ah, Kd ] a flush, king high.
dawnsummers shows [ Jd, 8d ] a straight flush, jack high.
dawnsummers wins $24.25 from the main pot with a straight flush, jack high.


Chat after that hand:

WMWolverines: I am new to this, so this might be a dumb question
WMWolverines: why did my king high flush not win there?
mmw: dawn had a straight flush
hetgurl: she had a straight flush

Wednesday, April 06, 2005


"Ladies and Gentlemen, sorry for the delay, but the service crew has informed us that there is a mechanical problem with the plane and I have been told to hold off on boarding the flight."

It's days like these that I think that Sports Announcer guy who never flies and instead, has his own party bus, has got the right idea.

I Blame Doug for this one

"Boston Legal," a reworked version of the canceled "The Practice" with Emmy-winning stars James Spader and William Shatner, will get a second season after winning its Sunday time slot among total viewers.

In other shocking news, Alias was also renewed.

Less shocking: Lost and 'Desperate' will be back. However, I predict one of the main stars of DH will not return for the whole second season or will bail midway through. Smart money's on the woman who plays Bree.


How unlucky in love must this guy be?


Carla is a dick.


Survey: Being a Lawyer Not So Sexy

Tuesday, April 05, 2005


Fox News Channel erroneously reported the death of Pope John Paul II on Friday afternoon, backpedaled several minutes later, then apologized to viewers for the mistake.

Sorry, indeed.


Television watching linked to bullying.


So, what's the best route from New York to Miami that hits West Virginia, Kentucky and Alabama on the way down?


Questions Surround Pope's Mystery Cardinal


Doug IMd me the play by play action of The Mets opening game yesterday. Pedro gives up a three run homer, but Beltran responds with the game tying homer. Then Cliff Floyd pulls the Mets out front. And then...well...people don't say "The Mets Suck" for nothing.
They do.
The Mets will never win because they are the best or spend the most money or have the biggest names. That's crazy Yankees talk. THESE ARE THE METS!
So, relax. They lose.
All the time. But every now and then, they win.

Monday, April 04, 2005


It would go something like...this court finds that the plaintiff is neither pretty nor black.
Judgment in favor of Defendant*.

*Although the Court finds in favor of Defendant, Harvard University, we still reaffirm all previous holdings that Harvard sucks dead goats.


Umm...in the interest of spoiler proofing, at least until it airs on the West Coast...I will just say that tonight's 24 reminds me of something our country has been missing for a very long time: a hot, single, straight, First Son.

Oh. And that bullets go through walls.

As per usual, see comment section for my spoiler filled ranting.


Litigant in famed Japanese internment camp succumbed to a respiratory ailment ... that or Michelle Malkin.

"I didn't feel guilty because I didn't do anything wrong," he told The New York Times four decades later. "Every day in school, we said the pledge to the flag, 'with liberty and justice for all,' and I believed all that. I was an American citizen, and I had as many rights as anyone else."

Sadly, turns out he was wrong.


We're in a very Catholic moment. First, we get the first Catholic candidate for President in almost 50 years in an election where it was all about white Catholics, Terri Schiavo right to live was pretty much orchestrated by Florida Catholics and now, of course, we have the all Pope, all the time media frenzy.
Catholics have taken center stage in American politics.


At least until the Republicans rush back to Washington to pass a bill making the nest egg fair game for their credit card special interests.

On a related note, it seems that this would answer the question about whether creditors could levy against Bush's private Social Security accounts.

Friday, April 01, 2005


Can you identify the 'What The FUCK!?!!!' moment in this story?


Karol is trying to convince people her birthday is upcoming, rather than long gone and Ken is getting "hitched."

What are your best April Fool's gags? Or what was your worst April Fool's Day burn?


Wait. Alex is not gay?


The ECB Metropolitans take the field this weekend in two different leagues. The first is my Old LLP league, aptly run by Alceste, where we have a snake draft run through e-mail over a couple of weeks. The other league, a blogger league started by March Madness burnout Annika, used Yahoo Sports automatic draft function. Here are the results.

J. Estrada (Atl - C)
D. Lee (ChC - 1B)
J. Kent (LAD - 2B)
Á. Rodríguez (NYY - 3B)
D. Jeter (NYY - SS)
C. Patterson (ChC - OF)
S. Finley (LAA - OF)
T. Hunter (Min - OF) OF
A. Rowand (CWS - DH)
P. Martínez (NYM - SP)
C. Zambrano (ChC - SP)
M. Rivera (NYY - RP)
J. Isringhausen (StL - RP)
C. Pavano (NYY - SP)
L. Hernández (Was - SP)
B. Lawrence (SD - SP)

The Blogger League

J. Mauer (Min - C)
A. Pujols (StL - 1B)
C. Figgins (LAA - 2B)
A. Huff (TB - 3B)
C. Guillén (Det - SS)
C. Crawford (TB - OF)
J. Drew (LAD - OF)
D. Roberts (SD - OF)
J. Thome (Phi - DH)
P. Martínez (NYM - SP)
J. Affeldt (KC - SP)
B. Colón (LAA - SP)
B. Lidge (Hou - RP)
A. Benítez (SF - P)
D. Wells(Bos - P)
B. Arroyo (Bos - P)

Soooo....let's play ball!


I played at my semi-regular poker game at the Anti-Esther fan clubhouse. After getting down to being able to play the whole night with just one buy-in, yet never placing in the money, I decided to take notes on the hands I played to see what works (calling crazy all-in with a Q5o guy) and what doesn't (showdowns with Karol).

Objections started to fly the minute the pen hit the paper.

"What are you doing!"
"There's no writing in poker."

Rabble rabble rabble.

"What? Why not?" I asked indignantly.

There was a brief pause, followed by contemplative silence.

"Because it's lame."


I proceeded to place fourth, just out of the money.


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