Friday, October 31, 2003
Ok, it's not like I hate love, marriage, couples, happiness, blah, blah, blah.
However, if a couple, not only chooses to get married on Halloween, but sends out invitations with a little rhyme (something about Halloween will cause a scare, what color gown will the bridesmaids wear) and then includes some kind of pun about how much of a "frightfully" good time everyone will have, just how many eggs can be thrown at them?
Did I mention they requested that the guests wear costumes?
All answers will be measured in dozens.
P.S. If you were married on Halloween and this sounds like your invitation, I'm not talking about your wedding, I'm talking about some other jackass couple's wedding that got hitched years ago, but with you guys it's totally cute. Don't worry.
P.P.S. We're still friends, right? Just kidding? ... April Fool's!?!
Long Live the World's Oldest Person
This morning I glimpsed the front page of the NY Post on the subway and the headline read, "BUSH BOOM."
I immediately, thought: Oh Lord, who have we bombed now?
It made me think of the Not Geniuses call, a couple of days ago, for Bush/Cheney '04 bumper stickers, my favorite one was:
FOUR MORE WARS!
Good job Josh Prophet
Thursday, October 30, 2003
Without Affirmative Action, Your Kid Would Be Drunk
I'm a lowly insect!
Apparently, less than 50 cents on the dollar.
You have answer some quick registration questions to view the story, but it's worth it. Here's an excerpt:
"And now that Johnson is on the verge of her discharge from the Army, insult is being added to her injury, they say. While Lynch was discharged as a private first class in August with an 80 percent disability benefit, Johnson, set to leave in the coming days, learned last week that she will receive a 30 percent disability benefit from the Army for her injuries."
Thanks to frequent commenter J-Roam for the link.
I'm sorry mama... I didn't mean to get you time
Earlier this month Judith Scruggs was convicted on risk to injury of minor after her 12-year-old son killed himself. She faces up to 10 years in prison. From the reports she was a working-class single mom, kept a messy house and allowed her son to miss school when he complained about being bullied and *gasp* worked two jobs.
Less than a week later, Kim Brathwaite was arrested when her two kids died in a fire in the home and it was discovered that she left them home alone to go to her night job at McDonald's where she had just gotten promoted to night manager. She also faces significant jail time.
Who can forget Regina McKnight, who is serving a 12-year prison term, for "homicide by child abuse" because she used cocaine during her pregnancy and delivered a stillborn?
I remember in the late 90s when there were seemingly endless media reports about abandoned newborns and the ongoing police search for "the mother." "Police are still looking for the mother" said the reporter sternly looking into the camera.
HA! Well, now it seems we've found her! There she is! Off at her jobs, not forcing her teenage son into showers, delivering dead babies -- we've gotcha!
Who has lost sight of the big picture here? These women didn't intend for their children to die. (When moms intend to kill their kids, it's usually easy to tell. Isn't it?
No doubt there is an overwhelming desire to 'do something' when a child dies. It's always tragic. But sometimes the thing to do is let a mother grieve, not read her Miranda warnings.
New Blogger, Rick, writes about the Brathwaite case here. Check it out and if you live in New York (or not) send your thoughts to Mayor Mike via Rick's link.
Thanks to Rick's Cafe Americain for the Permalink. The site is great so far, and it's written by a most brilliant guy who also has the dubious distinction of being the first person I ever walked down the aisle with!
Wednesday, October 29, 2003
Why didn't I think of this?
Is it bad that everytime I hear the "Edge of Seventeen" guitar riff, I have to run home and play Destiny's Child's Bootylicious? Does that just serve Stevie Nicks right for selling out to Beyonce or is there something seriously wrong with me?
"An emu farm? Marge, you're priceless!"
Here's P. Diddy in his best Mr. T Mohawk!
And then there's Rosie's Edward Scissorhands moment?
I have tickets to the latest Broadway sensation, Wicked, in my hot little hands, well, not right this minute because I'm typing (Joel Grey, the Glory worshipper from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, who slashed Dawn (my namesake) is in it!) .... Anyway, went right up to the box office and said: best tickets in the house please. And walked away three minutes later with seats third row from the back... oh well... sure beats the days when I would walk up to the box office and say, "least expensive seats, without a beam blocking the stage, please... oh... really? that much? ok, beam seats are fine, thanks.
Tuesday, October 28, 2003
Unabomber doesn't want people messing with his mail!
My acquaintance and her boyfriend were actually watching the Ted Kaczynski made for TV-movie last weekend, and were wondering what happened to him in jail.
Now we know.
If you need lawyers and TV Ads to improve your image....
You're in BIG trouble
One onlooker said it best:
How they can turn hazing into homosexuality is beyond me," she said. Then she spotted a sign held by one of the Phelps sisters reading, "Thank God for Sept. 11th."
"That's a travesty. They have the audacity to come to New York and insult 9/11. A lot of people lost family members," Saladino said.
Bill O'Reilly's all hatin' on Ludacris... again (Tarantino and of course, Eminem also take a beating.) But this time it's all in the name of the children. In his latest column he writes...
"It is time for Americans to realize that your homes have been invaded by insidious forces beyond your control. The harmful music, movies, computer images and television will affect your kids, no matter what you do. And yet the American media are celebrating this very troubling turn of events.... Somewhere, the Devil is grinning."
Yeah, when I think about the problems facing today's youth, movies and music are the first to leap to mind. Nevermind the millions of African children orphaned by the AIDS virus because of ignorance and unaffordable medicines, or the children in prison for adult crimes, kids with no healthcare, street crimes, family abuse, struggling schools, inadequate daycare, poverty and lest we forget homework and pop quizzes.
If Satan is smiling Mr. O'Reilly, it's because the so called moral majority has turned our attention away from the things that will really improve the lives of our kids.
Despite prattle about too much violence in music and movies, we support bombing campaign after bombing campaign although the "hard slog" still lies ahead (read: more dead bodies.) Kids don't forget to get your President Bush action figure out this month!
We don't like rappers singing about exploiting women, but we eliminate federal aid for poor women and force them to work multiple jobs for welfare, without any hope for advancement or training in transferable skills or even daycare for their kids. The Governor-elect of California refuses to come clean about his groping record. George W. Bush mocked a woman on death row when her lawyers filed their last appeal on her behalf to his office.
Which is worse musicians singing about fictional pimps and hoes or the real life carnage and suffering? Which gets more airtime and finger wagging?
Oh, Satan is smiling alright.
Monday, October 27, 2003
Than to Curse the Darkness
Could it be that they need more tax cuts?
ER used to have these great emotional scenes where one of the doctors would be working on a crashed patient, desperately trying to bring them back.
You would hear them grunt as sweat poured down their face, while their colleagues stood at the bedside sadly listening to the monotone of the flatline.
"Dammit I'm not giving up on you. Turn it up to sixty." Goes the typical dialogue.
"Clear" Zap. Pump, pump, grunt.
"Turn it up to 70."
"I'm sorry, she's been down too long."
Remember the pregnant woman with preeclampsia, that Mark misdiagnosed? Or Lucy?(Softly mouthing: P.E.?)
"I'm calling it." Usually Romano, but sometimes Carrie.
"No goddamn it." Pump Pump.
"Look, we've lost her. You did your best. Let's go tell her husband."
When they were really going for the waterworks, the doctor would stay, alone in the ER, pumping and pumping until the executive producer tags came on.
Well, after almost a decade of watching ER, I know when it's time to call it.
At shortly after ten p.m. Sunday night, the patient expired. Last words "I can promise you, your bristle won't be getting wet tonight."
"David E. Kelley, we've lost 'The Practice'."
The doctors did their best. Sharon Stone was flawless and Spader gave it the old college try, but there'll be no cooler 'decapitated head in the office' story than George Vogelman.
No better, 'not guilty by reason of automation' than when Lindsey argued that five bullets fell out of her Professor's gun killing the stalker at his door.
Those were the days. Res ipsa pipsqueak. Helen Gamble feeling all responsible for the death of those cops in the drug raid. Jimmy the Grunt. Vanessa from the Cosby show yelling at Rebecca for smacking her kid.
And now it's gone.
Hmm, maybe it's doing crossovers with Ally McBeal in TV heaven?
The good news is that now, I'm down to 7 hours.
Sunday, October 26, 2003
I know right now, you can't tell...
Hearing has finally returned to my right ear!
I went to the Matchbox 20 concert at Madison Square Garden on Friday night and it was very, very loud. Fountains of Wayne opened for them (You know, the band that penned the MILF torch song ..."Stacey can't you see, you're just not the girl for me. I know it may be wrong, but i'm in love with Stacey's mom.) They were good (humble and grateful for the opportunity, it reminded me of the time I saw Destiny's Child in the Arena, I took my mom to a Brian McKnight concert for Mother's Day and they were opening for him-- they were just four sweet girls trying to entertain a crowd of middle-aged women who were just there to see Brian strip (I mentioned, it was my mom's present, right?) They were nervous, and Beyonce was very earnest in her attempts to get the audience singing along...). Anyways, concert good. The best thing about going to concerts at the Garden is being able to sing as loud as I want without anyone poking me in the eye. The worst thing is that everyone else is also singing as loud as they can and I can't poke them in the eye either. Thus, the two days of ear ringing.
My office building showed up in one of the background montages of NYC-- I cheered and cheered and then realized I was cheering my office building. Lord, help me.
Speaking of sad pathetic moments in my life --- my boss called me a "lawyer" on Friday! Not "junior associate," or "bane of my existence" or "Stacey (long story, but that ain't my name and yet he calls me that)" nope I got called "lawyer." Well, he was speaking generally and said "feel free to ask any of the lawyers to help you." But I was in the room and so -- it counts! woo hoo.
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell .... Rob Thomas said so!
Saturday, October 25, 2003
Friday, October 24, 2003
PAT, COME BACK, WE FORGIVE YOU!
Now that he's resigned from Miami, maybe Riley will come back to coach the Knicks. Do the Knicks have a coach yet? Do they still play basketball?
Oh, and who knew there was a Stan van Gundy?
What will I do with this spare $9,000 now?
The world's rich just can't catch a break.
The defendant is guilty, simply because he's a man. Whether he actually committed rape in this case or not, he surely did some other time, or will some time in the future if he thought he can get away with it, or he'll harm women some other way. One way or another, he deserves to be punished. And his conviction symbolically convicts all other men, for they are all complicit.
This is not justice, it's political theater.
Are you kidding me?
The Kobe case is an interesting one for so very many reasons: 1) African-American defendant versus white victim; 2) Celebrity versus mere mortal; 3) the rights of the accused to confront the accuser versus the rights of rape victim to privacy.
But in no way is this a showdown of men versus women -- certainly not one where the men are destined to lose. After going through some specious argument about all the poor unheard male victims of domestic abuse, he then makes the laughable flying leap that men are, pardon the pun, screwed. Once accused they stand a 'good chance of being convicted' because they are men.
Actually, most experts agree that rape is one of the most underreported crimes and, one of the most difficult to prove. Take the Bryant case -- here's a woman who may have had sex with multiple people on the day that she says Kobe raped her --- ideally, that sexual history shouldn't matter, right? If she said yes four times that day and no once, that once is rape, no? End of story? Not even close.
Bryant's defense, rightly so, should be able to show that maybe the injuries she says came from the rape really came from other sexual activity. But in the minds of a jury later, that could be extrapolated, wrongly so, to prove, 'well, if she said yes, those four times, she probably said yes with Kobe.'
(Donating money, after all, is a very different experience than having one's purse snatched.) But sadly, women who are perceived as "loose" or "easy" face an uphill credibility battle.
Further, rapes usually occur in remote or intimate places (a desolate alley or a hotel room). Which leads examiners to ask "why was she jogging at 4 in the morning?" or "why did she go up to his room?" Who asks an armed robbery victim, "why were you wearing jewelry or have money in your wallet."
There are all sorts of societal mores and norms which color opinions on whether rape really occurred. The crime involves a third party untangling the circumstances of one of the most intimate acts --- months, sometimes years after the fact. But once someone reports a crime, any crime, they are entitled to have their claims investigated, the accused is entitled to a presumption of innocence and both are entitled to a fair hearing on the merits. No doubt, the victim's life is inevitably changed by the process and the accused's life, too, may suffer irreparable damage --- but what is the alternative?
This isn't political theater or entertainment of any kind, it's real life.
It's American justice.
P.S. I am heartened by Den Beste's concern for male victims of rape in prison, because it is a problem that our society should address to ensure that inmates, can serve their sentences without fear of physical injury or increased risk of infection or attack.
Thursday, October 23, 2003
There Goes The Chances For The 'What's Happening?' Reunion
Hey Hey Hey
I felt so bad for Urbina last night. He comes on the mound after an impressive 8 inning outing by the Marlins' starter and *bang* gives up the two runs. It was almost Benitez-esque in its blown save devastation. If the Marlins lost the game, you could just tell that he was going to have to join the witness protection program.
Wednesday, October 22, 2003
Lynch Rescuer Killed
Quick question: Did he do that to his face intentionally or was it some tragic attempt to discover the fountain of youth gone bad?
Tuesday, October 21, 2003
HAHAHHAHA, just typed in blooger.com hahahahaha... ok, I'm tired. That's not funny at all. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that my crazy Russian friend has started a blog. He kicks it off with the always hilarious "as they say in Russia" line... in this case:
"as they say in Russia: "get on the troika before a bear
your balls off!"
Where does he get this stuff? Oh, yeah- Russia.
Also, my always sexy Republican friend also has a blog -- complete with a transcript of his conversation with with Rush Limbaugh.
Check them out!
Monday, October 20, 2003
THE BAD GUYS DON'T WEAR BLACK HATS ANYMORE
I used to love election primaries. It's the one opportunity that party faithfuls have to choose a candidate that represents their political ideal. Even as recently as Green versus Ferrer, there was ideology at stake. I tsked the Al Sharpton posters and watched their debates. Gore versus Bradley -- "Why don't you just walk down the hallway to the Oval Office and have the President sign this bill, Al?" Bradley needled. "You know, racial profiling practically began in New Jersey, Senator Bradley." Ooh, he zinged ya!
Ahh, those were the days.
Democrats used to be about pro choice, anti-death penalty, affirmative action, affordable housing, financial support for the elderly and poor, public education, protecting the environment, foreign aid, potatoes in every pot, candy and fluffy pillows.
Used to be.
Now, "Democrat" (or even Republican, I suppose) is no longer an innate orientation, but a fanciful preference. Good Morning, Mabel. Think I'll be a Democrat today, pass the toast. Even when I can see the whites of their eyes, I can't tell who the enemy is. Michael Bloomberg says he's a Republican, but sits on the board of my most cherished charity and raised taxes and has a surprising surplus (and notice it's the Democrat that wants to cut taxes now)... Lieberman says he's a Democrat but wants to sanitize my music and movies and still supports our preemptive war with Iraq, even as the administration slinks away from its decision. And let's not even talk about General Clark, has he registered in the party, yet?
Politics is supposed to be easy: every good liberal Democrat has a faded bumper sticker that says "Contract? I didn't sign no contract?"(or the more recent: No Blood for Oil sticker), a pink triangle pin that says "silence = death," and some piece of tie-dyed clothing.
Good conservative Republicans (from what I've seen on Sunday talk shows) plaid bowtie, american flag lapel pin and a dartboard with either Bill Clinton or Hillary Clinton's holed filled picture on it.
But opportunistic party chairmen and candidates corroded the simplicity. Cafeterism prevails: May I have a nice piece of prescription drug benefit, a spoon of welfare reform, with a side a spending increases (not too much, just for national security), ooh that execution looks just delicious, can I have one...hmmm ok, and a little dash of equal opportunity. Great, thanks to drink? Umm, how about some trickle down economics, wait make that DIET!
The result is that all the candidates end up offering the same policies with a slighly different spin - leading to the ridiculous "electable democratic wing of the Democratic party" versus the democratic wing of the electable party or conservative compassionism. Someone like Nader was so appealing because he was just crazy enough to run a campaign without compromising on any of the issues -- everything was there: lock stock and tie dye!
My friends have been asking me who I'm voting for in the primaries and now that I think about it, I would like: One spoon of Gephardt's health care plan, some of Dean's civil rights commitment, a side of Kerry's economic policy, a bit of Edwards' looks with a dash of Sharpton's sense of humor. Oh, and a peace (ha ha) of Kucinich (I need the fiber). Plus, a tall glass of Lieberman's pragmatism to drink.
Sure, what the hell, supersize it.
Sunday, October 19, 2003
Third Student Leaps to Death
I laughed at this when I first saw it, but now I'm not so sure.
I caught a bit of SNL last night. Two key observations:
1) Britney Spears is done. Tiffany, Jennifer Paige, Debbie Gibson (sorry, Deborah) please give her a call, she'll need your support.
2) SNL is done. What the &*&%% was up with that racist Native American "comic" skit? Or the horrible reprise of the famous "Da Bears" sketch. George Wendt in shimmery black teddy couldn't even save this disaster. Lorne, you've made enough money. It's too late to exit gracefully, but you can still exit.
Scrap this whole celebrity host/ scripted sketch comedy crap. Get the best of your former regulars to host the show (Hi, Eddie? It's Lorne), let your cast improvise the skits (part of the problem is their inability to read the cue cards and maintain eye contact with the other people in the skit.) Or tape some of the best written skits beforehand (yeah, Live Schmive -- the funniest parts of the show have been the pre-done Robert Smigel cartoons!) -- Tina Fey and Jimmy Fallon cannot carry this sinking ship anymore--- it's just taking them down with it.
Saturday, October 18, 2003
Gas prices in East Coco Beach: $ 1.97!
There's a dead mouse in the basement of my building,
It's been there for days, but I can't say what killed him
Friday, October 17, 2003
Thanks to Annika for the permalink!
Give me some 'Mo'
Man, those baseball curses are no joke.
Thursday, October 16, 2003
DON'T BE AFRAID TO BE HOLY
When I was 14, I took my first trip to Europe. I can remember sitting on the plane on the JFK runaway, during a vicious summer thunderstorm, with my passport and cash in a pouch around my neck (you lose your passport and birth certificate in the Ladies Room on one family vacation and people start tying things to your neck), my walkman on my ears (Please, Hammer, Don't hurt 'em) and almost a whole pack of Bubble Gum in my mouth. I wasn't off to see the wizard, but it was pretty close. I was one of three kids chosen to represent our parish at Catholic World Youth Day in Poland. For seven days we would tour the countryside and then celebrate Sunday Mass with the Pope.
That trip was amazing in so many ways: I met my first Australians (I love Australians!), learned to convert dollars into Zloty (you get lots and lots), Polish ice cream. I took an incredibly moving trip to the former Aushwitz concentration camp, the piles of shoes and glasses still haunt me to this day.
But then on the last Sunday, we got to meet the Pope.
It was a balmy August morning, more than a million bleary-eyed children and teenagers, dressed in jeans and T-shirts converged on Czetochowa. There was a lot of waiting in the pre-dawn hours, I watched the Polish sky turn from darkness into the dull grey of dawn.
We chatted about teen things -- first day of school, music, and our different cultures, the most memorable of our Polish tour guides was very interested in going to "how do you say in American? Hollywood?" We played cards in the grass and waited. There was no announcement that the Pope had arrived -- just whispers. "Where?" "I don't know, I heard another girl say it," "let's move closer": A million giddy voices all anxious for a glimpse. My friend and I squeezed our way through, what seemed like thousands of people, aiming for the stage "We're not getting any closer," I sighed. "Wait! Look" I turned around and inches away was the Pope and an entourage of gowned men, with impressive headgear. I stood on the balls of my feet and stretched my hand out to him. He brushed it. OHMYGOD OHMYGOD OHMYGOD OHMYGOD OHMYGOD OHMYGOD OHMYGOD.
He spoke first in Polish (home court advantage) and then some other language that we couldn't understand (we guessed German), then another, then another, then Spanish (I understood some of that), and then English. (Ooh, ooh that's us, that's us!) To hear the media tell it, the Pope's slowing down, his voice is inaudible and his prounciation is indecipherable. But even back then he was hard to hear -- actually, I think, more to the point, you had to listen hard. And we did. His speech was short and he quoted biblical passages, but the thing I clearly remember him saying was that we as young people couldn't be afraid to be holy.
Hmm, not afraid to be holy? Didn't he know that God was so not cool? That my best friend, an athiest, always said that I was probably the smartest person he knew "except for that whole church thing?"
But for one moment surrounded by a million other Catholic kids, crying and praying, and I'm fairly sure that one girl just shouted 'I love you John Paul', I could imagine not being afraid to be holy.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not a religious fanatic (why is it that religious is always followed by fanatic?) and I'm not about trying to convert others (no need to get Heaven all crowded :) ), but today is the 25th Anniversary of Pope John Paul II's papacy and though you wouldn't know it from all the death watch stories being done about the Pope lately, this is a celebratory occasion. So, today I'm not thinking about the Pope's disapproval numbers (Zogby officially is out of control) or all the political disagreements or the relentless deluge of priest scandals, I'm just going to try to be holy.
I'm not afraid. Thanks JP II
Man, if ever there was a case study in why one should never count chickens before they've hatched.
Here it is.
Wednesday, October 15, 2003
The Doctors Taketh Away ....
I really don't have much more to say about these stories. Except, I hope that lady really doesn't notice that she's being starved and dehydrated to death.
First, Lieberman comes out for tax increases and now John Edwards plans to vote no on Bush's 87 biiiiiilion dollar Iraq package. Looks like the field has finally realized they've got to win the Democratic nomination before they start pandering to the Independents for the General Election.
Tuesday, October 14, 2003
Thanks to Five Corners of Oblivion for recommending my blog! I'm also flattered by the company.
My State's More Racist Than Your State
Funny colloquoy posted here:
MISC1: why would Kentucky or Mississippi be scary?
MISC1: NY is scary
MISC2: well I know NY, I know what to expect
MISC2: but you may run into the in these states kkk and that's scary
MISC1: there are no KKK anymore
MISC1: they are in ruins
MISC1: you're so much more likely to know blacksupremacists
MISC2: what's that
MISC1: a City Council member in Brooklyn is openly in the Black Panthers,
same as the KKK but for black people!Iss that acceptable?
MISC2: I don't accept it
MISC1: in general it is
MISC1: I'm just saying KKK is a relic, hardly exists anymore but there are other worse
groups today and they aren't in Kentucky, they are in Brooklyn
MISC2: still these states are very very racial
MISC1: no they're not. Not more than any other state.
MISC2: sure they are! please !!!
While I haven't spent any meaningful time in the South -- I interned in D.C. for the summer and went to a wedding in Arkansas once -- I have experienced plenty of racism in NYC. When I was five I was part of a bussing program which was intended to integrate a public elementary school in Canarsie, the neighborhood parents threw eggs at the bus every morning (I remember thinking the golden windows were pretty though, so take that hateful, racist parents), called us names and threatened to sabotage our bus. My mom, pulled me out of the program and I went back to a day center in East Coco Beach. On the other hand South Carolina's love of the Confederate Flag, like Elvis' love of bananas and peanut butter, gives me pause. Oh, and check out this Southern Belle Come to think of it, where are the "we're more Patriotic than the America hating Liberals" Rightwingers protesting flying the flag of an enemy of the United States of America on government grounds? More American troops died in the Civil War than in all American wars through the Korean War *combined!* Doesn't the state of South Carolina support our troops?
Anyway, the discussion is interesting-- I love the wackadoo that equates the Black Panthers, which at its height was a organization of primarily disenfranchised teenage boys meeting in apartments, to the KKK, which at its height blanketed the country, boasting policemen, judges and Governors as members in its mission to oppress and murder an uneducated, poor, african-american populace. Actually, that's pretty funny: take that hateful racist sheet wearers!
I need to be rebooted, too:
I've been at work essentially non-stop since Thursday. Apparently, so has my computer. By early Saturday morning it had slowed down considerably, saving and opening docs took forever. By Sunday it started flashing me mean messages about low memory and lacking space. By Monday, we were no longer on speaking terms. No Dialog boxes, no friendly icons -- nothing. Early this morning, it refused to do anymore. I could open documents, but I couldn't save them. I could write e-mails, but I couldn't send them. Finally, I called in the professionals:
Me: Hello, my computer's not working.
HelpDesk: What's wrong?
Me: I don't know. It's not saving or sending (and I think it just flipped me the bird.)
HelpDesk: Hmm, when's the last time you turned it off?
Me: Ummm... off? Maybe Friday... or last Tuesday. Not sure, but I left it alone for an hour yesterday when I ran home to shower, does that count?
HelpDesk: Was it off?
Me: No, but I wasn't using it.
HelpDesk: OK, you need to turn it off. Every night we backup the systems and each individual computer needs to reboot so it can upload that information. You can skip maybe one night, but more than that it loses its connection to system and forgets how to do simple tasks.
Me: *Sigh* I know how it feels.
Monday, October 13, 2003
Hizzoner Tells a Funny
“If that happened in New York we would have arrested the perpetrator,” Bloomberg said. “Nobody should throw a 70-year-old man to the ground, period. You start doing that pretty soon you’re going to throw a 61-year-old man to the ground, and I have a big vested interest in that.”
Courtesy The New York Daily News
Clareified turned a week old yesterday, and thanks to Relapsed Catholic for helping me celebrate the occasion with a record high number of hits! I'm grateful to everyone who has visited so far, hopefully I'll get the hang of this coding stuff, so I can add snazzy graphics and pictures someday!
Sunday, October 12, 2003
Olympic Speed Sunday Mass
I've been working on weekends an awful lot for the past two months. So I've been going to Sunday mass at a small little church across the street. The church is run, from my observation, by a committee of three main priests, supplemented by the occasional visiting priest. Today's visiting priest was the most notable so far. He apparently double booked his fatherly schedule and was due in Fairfield for a couple of Christenings. His commitment to guest host the 11 A.M. mass, now a holy inconvenience. Start your stopwatch:
10:59 A.M. : Bell rings
11:00 A.M.: Sign of Cross, reflect on sins
11:01 A.M.: Any readers? OK, God, wisdom, mercy, etc. done and done
11:06 A.M.: Sell your possessions, Goodness, camel through a needle's eye, Jesus
11:08 A.M.: Trust in God, everything will be alright.
11:10 A.M.: Our Father, Forgive us our trespasses, thy will be done
11:12 A.M.: Pray for the Pope, Pray for the sick, "Pray for President Bush"*, Lord hear our prayer.
11:14 A.M.: Collection Plate ("do it quickly, the train leaves at 12:07")
11:15 A.M.: Sign of Peace
11:16 A.M.: One God, right hand side of heaven, judgement, apostolic, yada yada
11:17 A.M.: Miracle, miracle, bada bing bada boom.
11:19 A.M.: Sacrament, sacrament
11:21 A.M.: Mass has ended, Go in Peace
11:22 A.M.: TAXI!
* (All quotes were actually uttered by the celebrant.)
The whole time I kept thinking, man, there is some little kid sitting in mass at my regular parish in East Coco Beach, that would be loving this. Especially since my pastor loves to chit chat, sometimes stretching 8:30 A.M. services well into the 10 o'clock hour.
Best of the Tube: Class of 2003
As a general matter, I don't watch new shows. A couple of years ago I was up to fourteen hours of TV a day, I had tapes of shows that came on the same time as shows I was TIVoing and then digital recordings of shows that came on the same time of shows I had to watch in real time -- not to mention all the "Season One" DVDs I was getting from Netflix of shows that I had become addicted to in later Seasons. All of the TV watching was, frankly, getting in the way of my ... well, TV watching. So I stopped accepting new shows. Sorry, no Vacancies. Plus, I had to start trimming the fat: ER (well, ok, I watched the Dr. Green's death episodes and the Romano hand chop, but that was it ... oh yeah and the Small Pox outbreak) but I definitely stopped tuning in for Ally, Boston Public, X-Files or Dawson Creek (well, except for the last episode, I had to find out if she picked Pacey or Dawson ...) By last year, I was down to a mean lean eight and a half hours a day. This season, though, presents some serious temptations: Eliza Dushka as the Slayer or Seer, whatever, she beats people up and looks all sulky; a boatload of hour-long legal shows (Lyon's Den, Miss Match, Practice, even Angel's got a law firm thing going on (and kudos to Joss Whedon and crew, just when I couldn't imagine a more painful way to become a lawyer than 3 years of hornbooks and Socratic method followed by a state bar exam -- they introduce electrodes!); little Emily Quartermaine getting her own show where God talks to her (I don't think I've ever known her real life name or her name before Monica adopted her.); Boomtown has NKOTB's Donnie *and* the lady from the Pocahantas soundtrack!
What's a TV Addict to do? That's right, head to Costco and buy more VHS tapes in bulk! I've finally had a chance to watch some of the newbies and here are my thoughts:
The New and Improved The Practice: Like Mayor Mike reportedly said to his pregnant aide: "Kill It! Kill It!" James Spader is ok, but this show died two years ago and it's creepy watching its corpse flicker across my screen. So, I thought I'd flip over to...
Lyon's Den: Rob, go back to the West Wing, seriously. Maybe they'll let you be Vice-President... although your public support for Arnie may cost ya (side thought, the other day I suggested that Barbra finance the Recall Arnold race and a friend of mine mused that such a move would cause a rift in Hollywood. Celeb vs. Celeb, West Hollywood would break out in riots, the Hollywood Sign torn in two).
Miss Match: This show is cute, but it needs less law, less law firm, less lawyers (In fact, I think I speak for all lawyers, when I say watching Alicia Silverstone reading a "brief" while soaking in a bubble bath, just pisses us off.) She should just be Cher, driving around with Dion and setting up beautiful couples.
So what has been your favorites of the Class of 2003? I've heard good things about Carnivale, but I'm too cheap to get HBO during the Sex and the City/Sopranos hiatuses' so I guess I'll get the DVDs when they come out in a few years. Speaking of which, when is the second season of Six Feet Under coming out on DVD?
Saturday, October 11, 2003
Pedro Martinez had an easier time with 72-year-old Yankees bench coach Don Zimmer than with New York's lineup.
Martinez grabbed Zimmer by the head and tossed him to the ground after the former Red Sox manager lunged at the pitcher during a bench-clearing melee Saturday. But the Yankees had already done their damage where it counted, taking the lead in the fourth inning before another fracas in an already bitter rivalry.
If this account is true, Martinez needs to be suspended for the duration of this series and the Yanks need to kick some Red Sox arse. Where's Clemens and his bat?
He who laughs last, laughs ...
Best of Gray Davis' Top Ten
4. "You could solve the deficit problem by donating your salary from 'Terminator 3.'"*
3. "If things are bad, just yell, 'Save us, Superman!'"
* Is it just me or do other New Yorkers think that if things get really bad for the City, Mayor Mike will kick in a few million?
Friday, October 10, 2003
What did he say about McNabb? Is he on drugs???
Apparently, Yes. Yes, he was/is. Sheesh, who will be our moral compass now?
Thursday, October 09, 2003
Where's East Coco Beach?
I've lived in NYC all my life. I've lived here through the '77 blackout, seedy Times Square, the Crown Heights Riot, both terrorist attacks on the Trade Center --- a long time now. But even so, I have no idea where anything is anymore. Correction: I know exactly where 33rd Street and 2nd Avenue is, but no idea what Murray Hill is -- I can find Grimaldi's under the Brooklyn Bridge, but DUMBO? That's a head scratcher. Who is walking around my fair city, drawing lines and renaming its neighborhoods? (Yes, I'm looking at you Joe and Jane Corcoran!) So, in the spirit of Nolita and Clinton Hill -- I introduce you all to East Coco Beach, located in the south eastern section of Brooklyn. It boasts ample residential housing, a multi-cultural Caribbean flavor and not one Starbucks or Baby Gap, four miles in any direction. Truly unspoiled terrain.
Where is Buffy when you need her?
Oddly Enough, she's in Europe!
The Red Sox won last night (sorry Peter), could this be their year? Or will the curse bite their bottoms once again? Personally, I'm hoping they beat the Yankees (sorry Peter), but lose the World Series --- the whole curse thing is a great sports story. Did anyone else notice how dull the Daytime Emmy's became once Susan Lucci broke her losing streak? I say, Viva el Bambino!
Wednesday, October 08, 2003
De Ja Vu All Over Again
So, it's been another tough election morning for me. But I don't live in California, so it's not the wrist slitting feeling I had last November. But let's count our blessings: 1) Ward Connerly's latest proposition went down to defeat, hooray (thanks to Not Geniuses for this reminder) 2) Maybe the record numbers of voters in the recall election will come out in droves in Nov. '04 to oust another dismally failing incumbent who is running up sky-high deficits.
So, will CSPAN 2 air the 134 concession speeches?
Tuesday, October 07, 2003
Dear Mr. Shockey,
I have been one of those nonbelieving Giants fans. With my starting Fanstasy QB out with a back injury for three weeks and now going into his bye week (yes, Daunte, I mean you -- get better dammit and I'm not just saying that because you're black, no matter what Rush says. :P) I have been relying on Kerry Collins. Yes, Mr. Shockey, I have put the hopes and dreams of my little team that could, on the shoulders of your fearless leader. He has, thus far, let me down. However, now that you've thrown down the guantlet, I accept. I will not give up on you before the game is over, but here's what I need you to do for me. Can you make sure that Collins completes a TD pass? maybe even two or three? Oh, and if he could rush for a TD, that'd be awesome, too. I really need the points. So essentially, the deal is this, if the Giants play well, score touchdowns and win me my Fantasy games, (so everyone else in the league stops pointing and laughing (you pick Minnesota's Michael Bennett in the second round one time and no one lets you forget it!)), I will cheer my little head off. Deal?
"Vote for Arnold" may have confused voters thinking of Coleman's lovable 80s alter ego "Arnold Drummond."
Monday, October 06, 2003
Somewhere Jack Tripper is Falling Over a Couch
ABC execs, in all the wisdom that brought us Hope & Faith and Jason Alexander's "Bob Patterson," have decided to continue John Ritter's television comeback vehicle, 8 Simple Rules, without John Ritter! Like every freak who went out and bought a Rosemary Clooney/Johnny Cash CD after they died, I tuned in to 8 Simple Rules for the first time a couple of weeks ago. I tuned out almost immediately. This show was weak, but people loved John Ritter, and so it worked... sort of. But, for the love of all things television, this show should quietly air reruns of Ritter's best antics on 8 Simple Rules and then fade to black, exit stage left. They can easily redistribute the kids on other ABC Shows (George Lopez could use another kid or two) and give Katey Sagal a recurring role on L.A. Dragnet (maybe as Sgt. Joe Friday's ball-bustin' Commissioner).
I didn't have a blog when Ritter died in September, but if I did, I would have written about what a shock it was and how TVLand should do a marathon of Three's Company, UPN should run the Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode where he played "TED" (or was it "T.E.D."?), everyone should rent Slingblade (actually, everyone should rent Slingblade, if only to remember Billy Bob Thornton before the vials of blood. mmm hmmm) and that 8 Simple rules should do a tribute show to him (like the Staff of George did for JFK Jr. in its last issue.). Well, happy to say, TVLand did the marathon and ABC did a Diane Sawyer special, complete with Suzanne Somers. ABC even ran the first couple of episodes of 8 Simple that had been completed before his death.
But now, they need to honor him by acknowledging that he was the best thing about 8 Simple Rules, and let it fade into TV history where it'll be teased a bit for being no Three's Company, but knowing that it's not as bad as Three's a Crowd.
Oh, as for ABC's "bottom line": they could always do a special celebrity millionaire, lord knows Regis has NOTHING BETTER TO DO
Sunday, October 05, 2003
Who says we have a problem? We can stop whenever we want to. Shut up and leave us alone. Where's the remote?
Hmm... now that I think about it, after this stunt, I think Siegfried should find out what the Animal Liberation Front was up to on Friday.